815-03 (7juyq dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: "Leo L. Schwab" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
> You walk down a hallway, towards the boudoir, mesmerized by that
> heady, exotic aroma you identify with her, the object of your desires.
> You open the door. There, lounging on the bed in a skimpy negligee,
> she waits. The light plays about her form, teasingly. "Come here,"
> she beckons. "I've got a surprise for you, hon."
> You close the door behind you, unbuttoning your shirt as you
> approach. You pre--
> SLAM!! The door splinters open behind you, and two jackbooted thugs
> with AK-47s and "CDA" helmets burst onto the scene.
> "Trying to peddle your smut on the Internet, eh?" the taller one
> sneers. "We've got your number now! Heh heh heh..."
} Supplicant, stay calm. You see the one on the left? Well he's not
} quite as confident about this as he looks - notice the nervous
} glances over his shoulder? The jerky body movements? This man is
} unsure about himself, his abilities, and the legality of the
} situation. Chances are they've failed to clear the paper-work before
} coming round (after all would you fill out form no. IP100324/295a
} rev2.1.c "Confiscation Of Equipment Suspected Of Holding Encoded
} Pornography - Warrant" or crack out the AK-47's and kick down
} doors?). It's a fairly sure thing that the papers aren't filled out.
} Shoot you now and it's murder (technically). You've got to keep calm
} and watch the situation. Wait for the guy on the left to turn
} slightly toward his partner, just enough for the muzzle of his gun to
} be off you. Pick up that half-cup of cold coffee with the fuzz
} growing on it from beside the monitor (carefully, they're nervous as
} it is remember). Wait for your moment and fling the scrofulous
} contents into the face of the guy on the right. This is when you've
} got to be ready to move, and I mean MOVE. Bring your left shoulder
} down and charge the guy on the left, try to make contact between your
} left shoulder and the guys breast-bone. This should knock him over,
} unbalance him or even crack said breastbone if you got it right. Grab
} the AK-47 from behind him and waste his son-of-a-bitch partner while
} using nervous bloke as a shield. Waste the nervous bloke (you should
} have disarmed him by now). Waste the woman (who was she anyway?) -
} too many witnesses already. Right, time is of the essence -
} disconnect your PC's peripherals, they're cheap and can be replaced.
} Find a bag and shove the desktop box into it. Think man think!
} Where's your driving licence? Library ticket? Video rental card?
} You've got about ten minutes to collect all your major forms of ID
} and get the hell out of there. You won't be back for a while, and the
} cops are probably en-route even as I type this. Head for the Lincoln
} memorial (use the overnight Greyhound - I don't trust trains). Be
} there by ten tomorrow morning and look out for a guy selling Fake Dog-
} Turds. Ask to buy five "for my mothers birthday". The words are
} important. His name's Bernard - he'll get you out of the country.
} Good luck and viva la resistance!
} You owe the Oracle some fuzzy coffee.