848-05 (3mxu5 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: David R Sewell <dsewell@GAS.UUG.Arizona.EDU>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
> Oh Oracle most wise,
> sorry, but I have groveled so much, my walkways are empty
> now (or was that gr..?).
> The MicroSoftSerfs, in their infinite wisdom, are considering
> "Explorer" (of "let's scramble Netscape" fame) as a front
> end to Win95.
> Since BOB was their last greaaaaaat attempt, I'm really
> concerned that they're missing good opportunities to puree
> user brains with gooey GUIs.
> I thought good alternatives would be the Magic Eye concept
> (3D visualizations), or XXX slideshows (soooo popular on
> the net), a Mandala generator, or a personalized paradigm
> generator (based on a Rorschach analysis of the user's
> system). For football fans, a football field with lines
> representing programs, for auto mechanics, a (virtual?)
> car where the pedals give input possibilities, would be
> Before I submit these demonic dementicisms to the richest
> man on (and under the) earth, I thought I better check with
> you, Oracle, specialist in input-output-putup things.
> Any applicable alternatives articulatable?
} Unfortunately, Microsoft's continued development of alternative
} GUIs for Windows 95 has been stalled until the Windows 95
} development team can figure out how to fix the bug that prevents
} the user from being able to drag My Computer icon into the
} Recycle Bin.
} As for Microsoft Bob, his seeming beneficence belies his true
} nature. Once the unsuspecting user is lured into this trap,
} the Windows 95 thunk layer begins snapping mercilessly at the
} user's heels until the system GPFs all over the place. Not a
} pretty sight at all, if you ask me.
} However, a few ideas have been hashed around and hopefully will
} be out soon:
} THE AUTO SHOP: Similar to the idea you suggested,
} this fanciful interface resembles an auto shop,
} complete with shop tools, automobiles, and grease
} spots. Accomplishing any useful work in this
} environment, however will be just a tad tricky,
} considering the car has no engine or tires, and
} the gas tank is empty. The user could attempt to
} use the shop tools to remedy the situation, but
} they are notoriously buggy and may compromise
} the system integrity, and set the garage on fire.
} BULL IN A CHINA SHOP: Specially designed inteface
} for the illiterate user who usually ends up trashing
} the system configuration so disastrously that the
} PC no longer knows the difference between a CD-ROM
} drive and a bologna sandwich. Everything in this
} specially designed GUI, including the Start button
} is labeled "Do not touch."
} 32-BIT GRIDLOCK: This GUI is filled with promises
} of improved system performance, but the technicians
} are still haggling over the coding details. The
} result is a GUI that initially looks promising, but
} looks and feels very much like Old Windows.
} SOLOMON GRUNDY: A GUI specially designed for the
} organizationally challenged. Nothing is properly
} categorized or neatly placed. Want to use the
} phone? No problem, if you can figure out which
} pile of dirty laundry it's buried under. Looking
} for that important sales document? Well it must
} be buried somewhere in that two-ton stack of
} papers on the desk (or is it under the bed?) In
} any case, if you're a slob, you should feel right
} at home in this pigsty of a GUI.
} And there you have it for the latest developments in the dystopia
} of Windows 95. Enjoy yourself, and remember: You asked for it!
} You owe the Oracle a beta copy of Microsoft Boob, the specially
} designed GUI for the computer luser.