} Jehovah's Witnesses are in your terminal room? How strange. Usually
} they are out on some urban street corner giving out free copies of "The
} There are two ways you can get rid of them:
} 1) [Short-term solution] Say "Shoo! Go away!" Amazingly,
} this works. It does not work on Hare Krishnas, though.
} 2) [Short-term solution-- possible side-effects] Take off
} your clothes, prick your finger, draw a blasphemous
} symbol on your chest, and start rocking back-and-forth,
} intoning the name of Cthulhu or your own favorite demon.
} (Or daemon, but I doubt the J.W.'s are scared of spool
} 3) [Short-term solution-- possible anti-social side-effects]
} Take off your clothes, and finger your prick.
} 4) [Long-term solution] Assassinate Michael Jackson. Aside
} from rescuing the world from the prince of androgeny, you
} will cut off their main monetary supply, and their
} oraganization will wither.
} 5) [Alternate long-term solution] Find out who is in charge--
} the "top banana"-- and get them involved in a jucy sex
} 6) [Backup alternate long-term solution] Find out where they
} print "The Watchtower" and contaminate the bins of ink
} with a virulent microorganism. Notify the health department
} that the J.W.'s are dying on street corners across America.
} 7) [Backup alternate contingency long-term solution] If they
} don't all die off in step (6), notify the C.I.A. that
} Communists, Libyans, or whatever are trying to destroy
} the U.S. by passing out contaminated brochures.
} 8) [Substitutive backup alternate contingency long-term
} solution] Make them publish "The Watchtower" using only
} Microsoft products. Sit back, and watch frustration set
} 9) [Final solution] Hold a J.W. convention. Drop a
} low-yield nuclear device on it.
} You owe the Oracle your version of "Mein Kampf."
} The Oracle has done his thing.