[IO]
Internet Oracle
18 Nov 2017 home : about : create : digests : bestofs : specials : priests 4:22:57 GMT

Internet Oracularities #860

Goto:
860, 860-01, 860-02, 860-03, 860-04, 860-05, 860-06, 860-07, 860-08, 860-09, 860-10


Internet Oracularities #860    (104 votes, 3.1 mean)
Compiled-By: "Steve Kinzler" <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Fri, 20 Sep 1996 11:31:31 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate,
send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject
line.

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this
message).  For example:
   860
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

860  104 votes 4fCuh kEsd3 8gmoy 8rzr7 qpwe7 4eppA mrug9 9nlmt 7sAq7 macmC
860   3.1 mean  3.4   2.4   3.6   3.0   2.5   3.7   2.6   3.4   3.0   3.4


860-01    (4fCuh dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <cep@best.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Sir,
>
> It is a well-researched fact that some people are allergic to religious
> cults.  They develop headaches, unsound addictions, destructive
> behaviour patterns and other symptoms.  We are a charity organization
> devoted to helping these people find their true selves and recover from
> problems caused by various cults.  We act on a non-religious
> humanitarian basis of tolerance towards all systems of belief.
>
> It has come to our attention that some people have become severely
> addicted to your personal cult.  It is of no concern to us whether you
> are a real omniscient divine being or a psychopath or both; we only
> want the best of all parties concerned.  Don't you agree that people
> who have discarded everything else in favour of e-mail conversations
> with you have gone too far?
>
> We are very eager to hear your position and opinions on the matter.
> Ultimately we are willing to cooperate with your organization on
> helping people who cannot keep on with your cult and drop out due to
> social pressures or whatever.  And please keep in mind, your
> contribution would be the best PR you could hope for...
>
> Sincerely,
>
> Plato Stoolman
> Chairman of Board
> Victims of Religions
> c/o L.R.Hubbard
> Texas
> YEE-HAA

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear Mr. Stoolman,
}    We thank you for your concern about Oracletics.  Naturally, we
} welcome full and frank discussion of everything we do across the
} Internet in such newsgroups as alt.religion.oracle, and our World Wide
} Web pages provide much information.  It's not our fault if any
} intelligent Internet persona, such as yourself, should fall prey to the
} Great Snarfing Beast What Eats Everyone Who Doesn't Give All Their Money
} (pre-taxes) To The Oracle.
}
}    I agree completely that people who have discarded everything else in
} favour of e-mail conversations with me do need to vary their schedules
} somewhat.  Indeed, allow me to give a sample schedule that I have drawn
} up for our faithful priest, Zadoc:
}
} 02:00 Awaken.
} 02:00 - 05:00 Answer questions for the Oracle, quietly, so as not to
}               disturb his sleep.
} 05:00 - 08:00 Cook four-star breakfast for the Oracle.
} 08:00 - 09:00 Grovel before the Oracle.  Be sure to lick every toe
}               clean.
} 09:00 - 11:00 Beg, borrow, and steal money for the upkeep of the Temple.
} 11:00 - 13:00 Cook four-star lunch for the Oracle.
} 13:00 - 15:00 Grovel before the Oracle.  This time, clean the red
}               carpet with your tongue.  Leave no spots.
} 15:00 - 17:00 Beg, borrow, and steal money for the upkeep of Lisa.
} 17:00 - 19:00 Cook five-star dinner for the Oracle.
} 19:00 - 21:00 Entertain the Oracle with more grovels.  This time, use
}               some imagination.
} 21:00 - 23:59 Pretend to be a telemarketer seeking donations for the
}               Jailer Benevolance Society for the upkeep of the Oracle.
} 23:59 - 00:00 Lead successful, interesting life.
} 00:00 Sleep
}
}    As you can tell, we leave time for even our most faithful members to
} lead successful, interesting lives.
}
}    Please note that, unlike other religions which request that you give
} thanks every time before you eat or drink, Oracletics only requires
} thanks before a much simpler activity: breathing.  Although we accept
} cash, checks, travellers' checks, and most major credit cards in thanks
} before every breath, we also accept gold, platinum, and diamonds.
}
}    I hope you accept this free copy of 'The Oracle: The Modern Response
} to Mental Health', with my compliments.
}
}                       - Elron Blubber
}
} [Imprinted very lightly on the letter -- as if written on the
} stationery just before it -- are the words:
}
} Lisa --
}    This fellow's definitely 1.1.  Use plan .44, or at least run Black
} Method on him.  Must be an avatar of Xenu.  GET DIRT!
}                       -- Source


860-02    (kEsd3 dist, 2.4 mean)
Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" <carole@email.unc.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hercule Poirot had gone with Miss Marple to find Tintin and Asterix,
> who were hot on the trail of the Scarlet Pimpernel and Dick Tracy.  SC
> and DT had, it seems, broken the Honour Among Thieves because Flash
> Gordon had Great Expectations of Bart, which had forced him to ask
> David Copperfield to help Calvin & Hobbes to finance the mighty
> expedition planned by Captain Haddock.  That is because Fred Flintstone
> had called Smurfette, asking her to go with him on a trip Round The
> World in 80 days, because they had to find out the meaning of the
> Silence of the Lambs.
>
> Now the question is, how did Robin Hood find Oliver Twist?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}               <deeeep Sherwoood fooorest...>
} Some tibetan buddist monks headed by Ole Nydahl step along the
} forest pathway. Suddenly some arrows hit the ground before them.
} Robin Hood jumps out of the big tree.
}
} >Robin Hood:
}  - Cash or life!
} >Ole:
}  - Do you need some job, guy?
} >Bilbo Baggins(appearing from the bush):
}  - You better work yourself and dig your gold out of your pockets!
} >Brother Took:
}  - Otherwise prepare yourself to Nirvana, padre!
} >One of the monks rises his hands and cries:
}  - I am The Black Coat! I am The Horror Flying on the Wings of
} Night!
} >Monks, chorus:
}  - Aaah! Mahakala!
} >Mahakala:
}  - Yes, that's me! I am the ice under the feet of Billy Gates!
} I am that who devours enemies of buddism and soften them in my
} stomach to the condition of the programmer's brain!
} >Robin Hood:
}  - So what?
} >Ole:
}  - Good boy, clever boy. You know, Robin, that power is nothing.
} Wisdom, from the other hand, is everything. You know that nobody
} respects chinese hand-made ballistic e-mails, but every supplicant
} knows how great is Oracle The Omnicighty. Because he is enlightened
} and knows everything in this world.
} >Robin:
}  - Maybe he knows where is my dear lost brother Oliver?
} >Ole:
}  - Oliver is not in our world. So ask Carlos Castaneda, he knows
} about other worlds.
} >Bilbo:
}  - No need to bother don Carlos. My friend Elvelisa told me that
} Oliver was kidnapped by orcs from Kyzyl-Kara-Uun.
} >Robin:
}  - Yes, I searched all the Tuva Republic, but didn't found this
} Uun. Where is it, already?
} >Ole:
}  - Found a Shambalyk east of Kyzyl, ascend to the southern gates
} of Mandala, and ask guards near that gates. Give them your anger.
} >Everybody:
}  - Robin's anger?! NEVER!!!
} >Ole:
}  - If you can't, go to the western gates and there give the pride
} away.
} >Atos:
}  - Our Robin has no pride, but just charisma !!!
} >Ole:
}  - And no Ego? Well then, go to the northern gate.
} That guards require to give them your attachment.
} >Maryann:
}  - Oh, no!!!
} >Ole:
}  - Then go to the eastern gates and give your jealousy.
} >Robin:
}  - Just the next week I distributed all them to poor peasants.
} >Mahakala:
}  - There's no other way to enter the Mandala where your budda
} sleeps!
} >Frodo:
}  - Poor Robin!
} >Robin:
}  - Poor Oliver!
} >Brother Took:
}  - Let's ask God's help!
} (Lancelot, Gawaine, Galahad and others quickly build up a church.
} Others prey.)
} >Ole:
}  - Let's meditate!
} (Monks start to meditate.)
} >Aramis:
}  - I'll go to Tibetan monastery and dedicate all my life to
} the ancient manuscripts, if it will be needed. We will discover
} the mystery of Oliver Twist.
} >Oliver (falling awake from the big oak):
}  - Somebody calls me? Is the apple-pie ready?
}               <...fireworks...>


860-03    (8gmoy dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <cep@best.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle you're great,
> And not ever lazy,
> Please help me now
> Before I go crazy...
>
> Roses are red,
> violets are blue,
> my husband's kitty
> likes to drink from the loo.
>
> She climbs on top
> of the toilet seat,
> braces herself, then
> reaches in with her feet
>
> Our puppy has learned
> not to trust her at all,
> Especially not when
> he's cruising the hall.
>
> She'll hide around corners
> and grab his behind
> She seems to think
> that he shouldn't mind.
>
> When she's sleepy
> She acts lots more mellow
> Wants to snuggle the puppy;
> Not ok with that fellow!
>
> Oh Oracle, you're smart
> Tell me what should I do?
> Will things settle down--
> I haven't a clue!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Once upon an email dreary, while I slogged through, weak and weary
} Over many a dull and boring printout lying on the floor
} While I answered, nearly sleeping, suddenly there came a beeping
} As if email inward creeping, creeping on to disk drive 4
} "'Tis some supplicant," I muttered, "Filling up my disk drive 4 --
} Only this and nothing more."
}
} Ah, distinctly I remember, 'twas the 16th of September
} And each woodchuck I dismembered left its ghost upon the floor
} Eagerly I sought the morrow, vainly hoped a day to borrow
} From my mail a lack of sorrow, sorrow always found before
} From the woodchuck chucking question I had e'er heard before
} Answered once, for evermore
}
} Sad was I, and yet so certain that the question would be hurtin'
} Chilled me -- filled me with a great annoyance often felt before;
} So that now, to still the fire, said I there in all my ire
} "'Tis some supplicant anoying me with woodchucks on my floor
} Some poor supplicant annoying me with woodchucks on my floor
} This it is and nothing more."
}
} Presently my will grew stronger, putting off my task no longer
} Clicking open message waiting there upon my disk drive 4
} For the fact is, I was blaming supplicants for all my flaming
} And I opened up the message like so many times before
} Opened up it there and read it like so many times before
} Question there and nothing more
}
} Deep into that message reading, tale of cat who must be needing
} Therapy or maybe Prozac like no kitty cat before
} For this cat would drink of water that it knows it shoulndn't ought'er
} And would torment dog that caught her till the wife would hit the floor
} This the message and the question sitting there on disk drive 4
} Merely this and nothing more
}
} Back into my task now turning, and my heart within me burning
} Soon again my fingers typing somewhat faster than before
} "Surely," said I, "Surely answer will from hands come forth like dancer
} Let me see, then, how to do it as this supplicant implores
} Let my fingers answer truly as this supplicant implores
} This I'll do, and nothing more!"
}
} Open'd here I all my textbooks, but with many a curse and vexed look
} Found I nothing there of felines who would torture doggies poor
} Not the smallest reference found I to relieve that faithful hound, I
} Followed footnotes all around, I threw the volume to the floor
} Threw it down among the woodchucks scattered dead upon the floor
} Thought I then a little more
}
} And the question still beguiling all my flaming into smiling
} Reaching 'cross the table there to press a button pressed before
} While the Oracle was thinking, started then a message blinking
} Cast a calm and soothing blinking light outside upon the shore
} Calling in some extra wisdom who was swimming at the shore
} Came in Lisa through the door
}
} Much she marvelled at the question, still she had her no suggestion
} How to calm the psycho feline who the husband did adore
} And we could not help agreeing that no normal human being
} Should be ever cursed with seeing cat upon the bathroom floor
} Drinking water from the toilet as it ever had before
} Then quoth Lisa, "Nevermore"
}
} And the Or'cle, much befuddled, turned to Lisa feeling muddled
} That one word, as though an answer in that word did she outpour
} Nothing further then she uttered.  "But-but-but..." I sort of stuttered
} Till I scarely more than muttered "What's that mean?  I do implore!
} For the question must I answer, as with other ones before."
} Then quoth Lisa, "Nevermore"
}
} Then she said as I sat frozen that her word was truly chosen
} For the cat, said she, was acting as it always had before
} Driving crazy then it's master who can deal with this disaster
} Moving fast and closing faster, shutting up the bathroom door
} For the splashing of the toilet will be shut as ne'er before
} Drinks the kitty never more!"
}
} And then Lisa still beguiling my confusion into smiling
} Straight she wheeled upon her sandal and went back outside the door
} Then upon my chair left sitting, answer from my fingers spitting
} For the supplicant, teeth gritting at this kitty on the floor
} How to deal with cat who drank in this unseemly way before
} What to do for evermore
}
} Thus I sat, my thought expressing, so the wife would not be guessing
} At the cat who drinks from toilet and would torture doggie poor
} This and more I sat defining, lying there at ease reclining
} On the chair in front of keyboard that the monitor glowed o'er
} With cans of Jolt and snack food that the monitor glowed o'er
} And the woodchucks?  Nevermore!
}
} Then, methought the dog would manage to get cat with minor damage
} Thus inflicted on the cat with only tooth and bark and claw
} "Heh," I thought, "the cat deserves it for the manner that it serves it
} Never gives a moments respite to the doggie on the floor.
} Respite, respite and a night when kitty is not climbing o'er
} It shall climb there nevermore
}
} Prophet am I, thing of knowledge!  Prophet still, worth more than
} college Whether answers come internal or from Lisa on the shore
} Brilliant I, and still undaunted on this Internet enchanted
} In my home by woodchucks haunted, speak I truly as implored
} There is -- there is peace ahead now, tell you I as you implore
} From the madness, evermore
}
} Prophet am I, thing of knowledge!  Prophet still, worth more than
} college By that question that you ask me, on that cat that he adores
} Tell I you with questions loaded that the answer you have goaded
} It shall stop as I have noted splashing water on the floor
} Stop its drinking from the toilet and annoying doggie poor
} And annoy you nevermore
}
} By this word, be still thy crying, supplicant, and cease the sighing
} Stop the kitty drinking water by the shutting of the door
} Leave the dog to deal undaunted if the feline leaves it haunted
} Leave it battered, still and broken, stripped of life upon the floor
} Let it take the little bastard and then throw it out the door!
} To be bothered nevermore
}
} And the Or'cle, never greedy, always ready (always needy)
} On this Internet is ready as has been since days of yore
} As your eyes read now the answer, Oracle becomes entrancer
} For you owe but for this chance, sir, things of torturing galore
} Pendulum you owe to to pay me, and a pit dug in the floor
} Or be answered -- nevermore!


860-04    (8rzr7 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: <perkunas@juno.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>         Great, wise, divine, clever Oracle!
> I got a question concerning life, the universe and everything:
> How many roads must a man walk down?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The answer is not entirely clear, supplicant. We may require a test
} subject.
}
} *BZZT*
}
} Arthur Dent: "Who? What? Where?"
}
} Hello, Arthur. We have a question to ask.
}
} Dent: "Oh?"
}
} Yes, we need to find out how many roads a man must walk down, and we
} beleive the answer may be in your brain.
}
} Dent: "Oh, not this again. The mice tried it too. You can't have my
} brain."
}
} No, no, we have a much simpler method.
}
} *BZZT*
}
} Here, start pulling letters out of this bag.
}
} Dent: "W... H... A... T... D... O... Y... O... U... G... E... T... W...
} H... E... N... Y... O... U... M... U... L... T... I... P... L... Y...
} S... I... X... T... I... M... E... S... N... I... N... E... *shuffle
} shuffle shuffle* All out of letters."
}
} Well, hmm. It would appear the answer is a question. The answer, I know,
} is 54. Well, there you have it.
}
} Dent: "But..."
} *ZOT!*
}
} A man must walk down 54 roads.
}
} You owe the oracle a bag of scrabble letters and a Vogon Constructor
} ship.


860-05    (qpwe7 dist, 2.5 mean)
Selected-By: <perkunas@juno.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Wise and Wonderous Oracle, please bestow your wisdom on your
> humble servant:
>
> O.k. I just found out that [*gack*] Hootie and the [*blech*] Blowfish
> [*hurl*] will be playing here next month.  Normally I wouldn't give it
> a second thought, as I don't particularly like [*gack*] Hootie and the
> [*blech*] Blowfish [*hurl*], and would simply not go to the concert.
> However, it happens that opening for [*gack*] Hootie and the [*blech*]
> Blowfish [*hurl*] will be [*whee!*] They Might [*yippie*] be Giants
> [*hooray!*].  Should I get tickets to [*gack*] Hootie and the [*blech*]
> Blowfish [*hurl*] just so I can see [*whee!*] They Might [*yippie*]
> be Giants [*hooray!*]? Or would I be better off not going?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oh no, it's another [*blech*] question from a [*gack*] supplicant.
}
} Normally, I wouldn't give a [*gack*] straight answer to a [*hurl*]
} question like [*blech*] yours. In fact, I would usually [*yippie*]
} zot you, and get back to [*hooray!*] Lisa. However, in [*gack*]
} your case I will make [*blech*] an exception.
}
} Go and see the [*gack*] Hootie and the [*blech*] Blowfish [*hurl*]
} concert.  You will enjoy They Might [*yippie*] be Giants [*hooray!*].
} After thirty minutes, [*gack*] Hootie and the [*blech*] Blowfish
} [*hurl*] will come out on stage and begin singing some of their
} wretched [*blech*] college music.  After the second chorus of [*hurl*]
} "I Only Want To Be With You", you will begin gacking, bleching, and
} hurling all over the seats. The management will [*whee!*] refund your
} [*yippie*] money, and you will [*hooray!*] recover the next morning.
}
} You owe the Oracle a mass of incandescent gas.


860-06    (4eppA dist, 3.7 mean)
Selected-By: Mike Nolan <nolan@celery.tssi.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Yo, all-seeing one!  Have you ever seen a Moebius strip?
>
> Yeah?  Tell me, what do they look like naked?
> <rim shot>

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It was pretty disappointing.  They don't have any backside.
}
} You owe the Oracle some topological pornography.


860-07    (mrug9 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: Mike Nolan <nolan@celery.tssi.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What is the difference between a duck?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} About $3.50 per pound, depending on the fattiness of the meat.
} Surprisingly, it's the same for Supplicant.
}
} *ZOT*


860-08    (9nlmt dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <cep@best.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Woodchuck permeates all.  The source of Woodchuck is at aol.com.  You
> are Non.  Non must become Woodchuck or Void.  Woodchuck fills my
> fibers, and I grow turgid.  Violent action ensues.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I chuck wood as you chuck wood as they chuck wood
} We all chuck wood together
} See how they surf like fleas on a Smurf see how they post
} I'm laughing
}
} Sitting on a home page, waiting for the hits to come
} Microsoft commercials, stupid bloody Windows
} Man you been a newbie boy you let your sig grow long
}
} I am the AOL man, they are the AOL men, I am the Woodchuck
} Choo-choo-ka-*ZOT*
}
} Mister Exxon policeman bashing bandwidth
} Net.cop policeman in control
} See how they hack like an overdose of FAQ
} See how they troll
} I'm laughing
}
} Urban legend cookies dripping from Craig Shergold's eye
} Uuencoded GIF files, pornographic newsgroups
} Boy you been a naughty geek you posted megabytes
}
} I am the AOL man, they are the AOL men, I am the Woodchuck
} Choo-choo-ka-*ZOT*
}
} Lurking in a Usenet newsgroup, waiting for a flame
} If the flames don't come you'll get a burn
} From cross-posting to talk.bizarre
}
} I am the AOL man, they are the AOL men, I am the Woodchuck
} Choo-choo-ka-*ZOT*
}
} Network shmetwork spamming hamsters
} Don't you think the hucksters pitch to you
} (Buy! Buy! Buy! Now! Now! Now! Free! Free! Free!)
} See how they troll like prostitutes for Dole
} See how they spam
} I'm laughing
}
} Kernighan and Richie tearing down the Eiffel tower
} Misdirected packets sent by Serdar Argic
} Man you should have seen them posting MAKE BIG MONEY FAST!
}
} I am the AOL man, they are the AOL men, I am the Woodchuck
} Choo-choo-ka-*ZOT*, Choo-choo-ka-*ZOT*, *ZOTTTTTTTTTTTTT*
}
} (chuck-a chuck-a chuck-a)
}
} Chuck wood, chuck wood, everybody chuck wood
} Chuck wood, chuck wood, everybody chuck wood
} Everybody chuck wood, everybody chuck wood
}                                     Life is a tale told by an idiot
} Everybody chuck wood, everybody chuck wood
}                                     Full of sound and furry
} Everybody chuck wood, everybody chuck wood
}                                     Signifying nothing
} Chuck wood
}                                     affoH deirub I


860-09    (7sAq7 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: dsew@packrat.aml.arizona.edu (David Sewell)

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Mister Wonderful,
>
> I would like to know what causes AIDS. Could you please give me some
> information about what to do and what not to do?
> Thank you very much.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} AIDS is caused by a virus, which is transmitted from one
} person to another by e-mail.  Happily, if you are careful,
} you can spot e-mail messages with the virus before you read
} them.  AIDS e-mails all have the subject "Good Times".  If
} you receive a message with this subject, you should
} immediately delete the message without reading it, reformat
} your hard disk, put those little plastic condoms on all of
} your floppy disks, and tell the person who sent you the
} message that s/he should see a physician immediately.
}
} You owe the Oracle a vaccine.


860-10    (macmC dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Christophe <cep@best.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise, what are the axioms on which our present
> existence is based?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} One of my easier questions of the day, dear supplicant. The axioms on
} which our existance is based are 1) a supreme being (not to be confused
} with a Supreme Taco), and 2) computers, as shown in this example:
}
} In the beginning there was the computer.  And God said
}
}  %Let there be light!
}
}  #Enter user id.
}
}  %God
}
}  #Enter password.
}
}  %Omniscient
}
}  #Password incorrect.  Try again.
}
}  %Omnipotent
}
}  #Password incorrect.  Try again.
}
}  %Technocrat
}
}  #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
}
}  %Let there be light!
}
}  #Unrecognizable command.  Try again.
}
}  %Create light
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Run heaven and earth
}
}  #And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
}  #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
}  #Approx. funds remaining: $92.50.
}
}  #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
}
}  %Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
}
}  #Unrecognizable command.  Try again.
}
}  %Create firmament
}
}  #Done.
}
}  %Run firmament
}
}  #And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
}  #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
}  #Approx. funds remaining: $84.60.
}
}  #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
}
}  %Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and
}  let the dry land appear and
}
}  #Too many characters in specification string. Try again.
}
}  %Create dry_land
}
}  #Done.
}
}  %Run firmament
}
}  #And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
}  #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
}  #Approx. funds remaining: $65.00.
}
}  #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
}
}  %Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night
}
}  #Unspecified type. Try again.
}
}  %Create sun_moon_stars
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Run sun_moon_stars
}
}  #And God created the heavens. And God saw there were 0 errors.
}  #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
}  #Approx. funds remaining: $54.00.
}
}  #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
}
}  %Create fish
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Create fowl
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Run fish, fowl
}
}  #And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that
}  creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged
}  fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.
}
}  #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
}  #Approx. funds remaining: $45.00.
}
}  #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.
}
}  %Create cattle
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Create creepy_things
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Now let us make man in our image
}
}  #Unspecified type. Try again.
}
}  %Create man
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and
}  have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air
}  and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth
}
}  #Too many command operands. Try again.
}
}  %Run multiplication
}
}  #Execution terminated. 6 errors.
}
}  %Insert breath
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Run multiplication
}
}  #Execution terminated. 5 errors.
}
}  %Move man to Garden of Eden
}
}  #File Garden of Eden does not exist.
}
}  %Create Garden.edn
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Move man to Garden.edn
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Run multiplication
}
}  #Execution terminated. 4 errors.
}
}  %Copy woman from man
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Run multiplication
}
}  #Execution terminated. 3 errors.
}
}  %Insert woman into man
}
}  #Illegal parameters. Try again.
}
}  %Insert man into woman
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Run multiplication
}
}  #Execution terminated. 2 errors.
}
}  %Create desire
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Run multiplication
}
}  #And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
}  Garden.edn #Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
}
}  %Create freewill
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Run freewill
}
}  #And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
}  Garden.edn #Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
}
}  %Undo desire
}
}  #Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
}
}  %Destroy freewill
}
}  #Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
}  #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
}
}  %Help
}
}  #Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
}  #Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
}  #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
}
}  %Create tree_of_knowledge
}
}  #And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
}  Garden.edn #Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
}
}  %Create good, evil
}
}  #Done
}
}  %Activate evil
}
}  #And God saw he had created shame.
}  #Warning system error in sector E95.  Man and woman not in Garden.edn.
}  #1 errors.
}
}  %Scan Garden.edn for man, woman
}
}  #Search failed.
}
}  %Delete shame
}
}  #Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
}
}  %Destroy freewill
}
}  #Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
}  #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
}
}  %Stop
}
}  #Unrecognizable command. Try again
}
}  %Break
}  %Break
}  %Break
}
}  #ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR
} REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.
}
}  %Create new world
}
}  #You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old
}  files before new ones can be created.
}
}  %Destroy earth
}
}  #Destroy earth: Please confirm.
}
}  %Destroy earth confirmed
}
}  #COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 8
}  AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.
}
}  #And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.
}  #Approx. funds remaining: $0.00.
}
} You owe the Oracle a shot of Holy wine and a bagel.
}
} ----------------------------------------------
} The Oracle - incarnated as
} Gary.Jeleniewski@CBIS.COM
} For all your goofy answer needs!


© Copyright 1989-2017 The Internet OracleTM a Kinzler.com offering Contact oracle-web@internetoracle.org