} Oh, a GOOD one.....
} "Well, Timmy, once upon a time there was a dedicated User Support
} Worker. He was good at his job. He learned everything there was to
} know about the computer systems he supported, and the users at his
} site could always depend on him to help them get past their computer
} problems so they could get their real work done."
} "Oh, wow.... He's gonna die for that, isn't he, Uncle Orrie?"
} "Now, Timmy, don't get ahead of me. However, he was cursed in his
} job with certain people who seemed destined to make his life a living
} nightmare. One day, a user came in and sat down to use a Macintosh.
} He pulled out the 5.25" floppy disk holding his PC files. Since it
} wouldn't fit in the disk drive, he did the smart thing and folded up
} his disk so it could fit."
} "No way!"
} "Way. Our intrepid User Support Worker had to use tweezers to get
} the disk out. That was the beginning of the end. From there, it was
} all down hill. There was the user who tried to print from a laptop
} to a laser printer without actually plugging the two in together.
} There was the user who selected the wrong printer driver so that the
} laser printer printed one word per page; that was forgivable, except
} that he waited until the entire document printed out before he came
} and pointed out the problem. There was the user who spent several
} hours of the User Support Worker's time setting up an ethernet card
} on a laptop with Windows 3.1, and then two days later decided he was
} going to upgrade to Windows 95."
} "Woah! He was in bad shape!"
} "He was, Timmy. The final straw came when a user's computer wouldn't
} boot. The user said, 'I had a copy of Norton Utilities that a friend
} gave me, so I ran Disk Doctor on the disk.' The USW said, 'Were you
} having any problems with your computer?' 'No, it was working fine,
} but I figured with a name like Disk Doctor it had to be helpful.'
} Well, Our Hero snapped. He broke into his site one night and removed
} all the computers. He replaced them with older tools... people who
} used word processors got typewriters and steno pads; Photoshop users
} got multicolored pen & pencil sets; Mathematica users got slide rules
} and tables of integrals."
} "Not tables of integrals!"
} "Yes, Timmy, I'm afraid so. They took the User Support Worker and
} carried him off, and locked him in a small room with mattresses on
} the wall. But you know something? He was happier there."
} "You tell the weirdest stories, Uncle Orrie."
} "I can't help it, it's my incarnations. Now go to sleep."
} You don't owe the Oracle anything, but send your local User Support
} Worker a nice bottle of his or her favorite beverage.