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} Hmmm...well, I guess I'll assume you're asking this question for purely
} academic reasons, not for malicious intent. Here goes:
}
} 1. The President consults with his advisors.
}
} 2. Following the meeting, his advisors race to the phone in an effort
} to be first to call in to "Larry King Live" and claim they, personally,
} had absolutely nothing to do with it.
}
} 3. The President asks the Air Force officer who always follows him
} around to open the locked briefcase carrying the authentication codes.
}
} 4. Several moments of consternation when the Air Force officer is
} nowhere to be found.
}
} 5. The Air Force officer returns from the restroom.
}
} 6. The briefcase is opened.
}
} 7. The President picks up the phone and presses the speed-dial button
} for Strategic Air Command headquarters in Nebraska.
}
} 8. The President reads the authentication codes, then repeats them.
}
} 9. The guy at Domino's tells him he pressed the wrong speed-dial button
} again.
}
} 10. Annoyed, the President calls Directory Assistance to get the SAC
} secret phone number.
}
} 11. The Directory Assistance operator tells the President that the part
} of Nebraska that contains SAC headquarters has been split off into
} another area code, so he'll have to call Directory Assistance for that
} area code.
}
} 12. Just as the President is about to call the whole thing off, SAC
} calls him because they were concerned about something they just saw on
} "Larry King Live."
}
} 13. See Step 8.
}
} 14. SAC realizes that the missiles aren't pointing in the right
} direction, and it will take over 2 hours to aim them correctly.
}
} 15. They try to call the President back, but he's busy activating the
} Emergency Broadcast System.
}
} 16. NBC refuses to interrupt "Must See TV" for something as trivial as
} nuclear war. ABC and CBS also refuse because they need all the ratings
} they can get. UPN agrees to activate the EBS, but only if the
} President will call back on a night when they actually have some
} programming (Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday).
}
} 17. Finally, the President calls the Home Shopping Network, which
} points out to him that the Emergency Broadcast System was just recently
} replaced by the Emergency Alert System, which has a completely
} different procedure for Presidential activation.
}
} 18. The President throws up his hands and tries to call SAC back to
} cancel the whole thing, but gets a busy signal because SAC is still
} trying to call him.
}
} 19. The President gets very nervous and decides to take off for his
} secret hideout in Virginia.
}
} 20. SAC finally gets through to the Oval Office, and gets the Vice
} President, who becomes enraged at the fact that the President never
} tells him anything. He tells them to just forget about it.
}
} 21. Larry King chalks the whole thing up to prank phone callers and
} gets on with his hard-hitting interview of Mary Tyler Moore.
}
} 22. Three days later, the President pokes his head out the door of the
} secret hideout. Finding the world still there, he spends the
} helicopter ride back to the White House thinking up a good excuse to
} tell the First Lady.
}
} 23. The House of Representatives launches an ethics investigation.
}
} There are some who say we must remain forever vigilant to make sure
} this scenario never occurs. There are others who say this scenario has
} already occurred. Several times.
}
} You owe the Oracle some iodine pills and a lead-lined jacket.
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