} In order to get the maximum benefit out of that wondrous device, you
} must first make certain preparations. Construct an altar of marbles.
} (No, I didn't say marble, I really meant the plural. Hint: use
} superglue.) The chamber must be lit about with candles of all shapes,
} sizes, and colors. A large gold basin and a silver dagger are to be
} placed on the altar.
} Next, you must sacrifice a goat to the great god PI, and a chicken to
} the lesser god e. (Hint: remember the basin and dagger?) Then, with
} the greatest of reverence, remove the slide rule from its holy leather
} case, and hold it up to the four corners of the compass, chanting all
} the while, "Oh great forces of Light and Mathemagics, bless this, thy
} tool, that it may do thy bidding." Move ye then the inner slide of the
} slide rule, so that the digit "2" of the slide lineth up with the digit
} "1" on the other part, yea, verily the leftmost digit thereof. Next
} shalt thou carefully position the cursor of the most revered slide
} rule, such that the fine crosshair therein lieth directly above the
} digit "2" on the slide rule; not that digit which lineth up with the
} digit "1", but lo! seekest thou the other digit "2", which thou
} findest a little to the right and slightly above the first. Next shalt
} thou chant the sacred invocation: "O Powers That Be! Reveal to me thy
} secrets," but beest thou most certain to chant the words in the correct
} time and meter, the meter so well known to all lumberjacks, the sacred
} Logger Rhythm, blessed be its name.
} And behold! The little god e, in all his glory, shall show thee that
} twice two is no more and no less than four, give or take a hundredth
} You owe the Oracle a 3-digit log table, and a spell checker that can
} catch those nostalgic little lapses into obsolescent forms of speech.