} Most female physicists are experimentalists for the same reason that
} most male physicists are experimentalists. Because they're at school
} all the time working, physicists don't get out much to meet other men
} and women. This leads to extreme sexual frustration. One successful
} means of venting this frustration is for physicists to play with lab
} toys that are sexually suggestive. For example, a female solid state
} experimentalist might "slip the high-temperature superconductor in her
} dewar", while a male optics experimentalist might "play with his laser".
} Theorists only get to play with books, pencils and paper, all of which
} sorely lack sexual connotation. The vast majority of theorists have
} either never had sex and simply don't understand their repression, or
} are independently wealthy and can buy it whenever they want.
} As to why all female theorists are ugly, it's quite obvious, silly
} mortal, that you have never heard of Janice, the net.physics.goddess,
} and the sexiest theorist the Oracle has ever met. She stands five foot
} ten, has dark hair, soft white skin, eyes that bear an elusive shade of
} hazel, the color changing ever so slightly with the phases of the moon,
} and soft supple thighs which are shown off quite well in a short denim
} or leather skirt. She has bent over on numerous occasions wearing this
} skirt, causing many a heart failure among the older male physicists,
} theoretical and experimental alike.
} Janice is so sexy in fact, that several years ago, she was leading in
} the polls for the re-election of net.sex.goddess when a nasty tidbit hit
} the front pages of net.land. Apparently, she started dating a physics
} frat boy and refused to sleep with him. When it was discovered that she
} wouldn't put out, Janice's standings in the polls plummeted, and Lisa,
} our current net.sex.goddess was re-elected to the post. Having already
} attained the status of net.goddess, Janice was forced to find another
} position. She ran unopposed for the title net.physics.goddess and won
} by a close margin.
} If you multiple orgasm at the sight of derivations of Schrodinger's wave
} equation, scattering theory or Ising spin states, then this woman is for
} you. If you multiple orgasm when you get a blowjob or commit sexually
} perverse acts, it's best just to fantasize about Lisa and get back to
} work. Your experiment is behind schedule as it is.
} You owe the Oracle a bigger laser.