} I don't believe it! You mean there are still males out there who don't
} realise that women, like the Japanese, use words purely to make polite
} noises which bear no relation whatsoever to what they really mean to
} Look, supplicant, I haven't got time now to give you a full induction
} into the secret language of the female Homo sapiens. Instead, here is
} Lisa's handy glossary of expressions used by women on dates and what
} they mean. The rest you'l have to figure out yourself.
} Go out to dinner with But, given a choice, I'd rather stay home
} you? I'd love to! and rip my fingernails out one by one.
} Where do you suggest I suggest you go to Anchorage while I go
} we go? to Tasmania.
} No, I've never been I try to avoid food-poisoning, as a rule.
} You'll pick me up at Oh my God! Haven't they confiscated your
} seven then? driving license yet? Valium, quick!
} Wow! You certainly But it would have been a different story
} got us here quickly. if that policeman had managed to keep up
} with you.
} You remind me of Brad I've never met him and I wish I could say
} Pitt. the same about you.
} I never knew you could The way you do that finger snap, fist clap
} be so entertaining! sound while going 'Woo woo!'
} I'm not very hungry. You're enough to put anyone off their food.
} I'll just have a salad. And I'll also lean across and eat all your
} fries, just to annoy you.
} Must watch my figure, And if you don't stop watching my figure,
} you know. I'm going to punch you in the eye any
} minute now.
} Go back to your place? But first, let me start on my toenails.
} So this is your home. I thought by 'home' you'd meant mental
} Yes, I will have a Got any paraquat?
} drink, thank you.
} You say it's a It looks more like the USS Missouri.
} matchstick model of Or the Eiffel Tower. Or both.
} Rodin's 'The Kiss'?
} And you made it You know, where I come from, we lower
} yourself? How clever people like you slowly into a giant
} of you! tank full of jellyfish.
} I'm so sorry, I do find I make it a rule never to kiss
} you attractive but I wildebeest on a first date.
} make it a rule never to
} kiss on a first date.
} We must do this again Surely he's not feeble-minded enough to
} some time. take *that* at face value?
} Next Friday would be Oh my God, he is!!!
} Goodbye, I've had a I'm now going home to perform a lobotomy
} lovely evening. on myself in a vain attempt to expunge it
} from my memory.
} "Are you done yet, sugar-buns?"
} Just about, Lisa my sweet.
} "Oh, I think it's wonderful how you are always helping poor lost
} souls with your wise and witty advice."
} By that, do you mean 'It's wonderful how I'm always helping poor
} lost souls with my wise and witty advice,' or do you really mean
} 'God, those little losers must be desperate to resort to a pompous,
} nobrained windbag like me?'
} "Why, the former of course, apple blossom of my delight!"
} I'm glad to hear it. Well, I'm knocking off now. What say we repair
} to the bed chamber?
} "Hang on. I think a couple of my toenails have grown back."