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25 Sep 2017 home : about : create : digests : bestofs : specials : priests 15:11:21 GMT

Internet Oracularities #908

Goto:
908, 908-01, 908-02, 908-03, 908-04, 908-05, 908-06, 908-07, 908-08, 908-09, 908-10


Internet Oracularities #908    (99 votes, 3.1 mean)
Compiled-By: "Steve Kinzler" <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Tue, 27 May 1997 19:31:18 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate,
send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject
line.

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this
message).  For example:
   908
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

908   99 votes 7brBh 3gxyd 69nHi 8pBja amzei gzzb2 bsvo5 kmoq7 48owv 7uBi7
908   3.1 mean  3.5   3.4   3.6   3.0   3.1   2.5   2.8   2.8   3.8   2.9


908-01    (7brBh dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: Darkmage <DAVIS@wehi.edu.au>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> To: Zadoc
> Re: Yearly evaluations and asset evaluations.
> CC: Lisa, The Usenet Oracle
>
> Dear Zadoc,
>       As you should already know, We make it a yearly task to
> evaluate all employees. According to our records it has been
> approximately 12 years since your last evaluation. Please
> answer the following questions as clearly and objectionable as
> possible.
>
> 1. What are your major accomplishments over this most recent
>    evaluation peroid?
>
> 2. How have you improved upon yourself since your last evaluation?
>
> 3. What goals do you with to complete within the next year? Five
>    years?
>
> 4. How do you feel that you can become a more productive employee
>    of the company?
>
> 5. What adjustment do you consider to be appropriate to your current
>    salary?
>
>       Please answer these questions quickly, and return your reply
> no later then May 20th of 1997AD.
>
> Thank you,
> Zeus of Olympia
> Chief Executive Officer

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ho Hum. Another letter from Inhuman Resources. *sigh* Still, if I
} want to stay employed, I guess I'd better fill the damn thing in.
}
} > 1. What are your major accomplishments over this most recent
} >    evaluation peroid?
}
}   I set new standards of excellence in the fields of brown-nosing,
}   grovelling and flattery.
}
}   I have prevented my master from obliterating the world on several
}   occasions by serving as a convenient outlet for his wrath.
}
}   I have eloped with Her Double-Jointedness, Lisa, in order to allow
}   His Omniscience a much-needed break.
}
} > 2. How have you improved upon yourself since your last evaluation?
}
}   I am no longer a 14 foot boa constrictor, as His Gigasapience was
}   kind enough to turn me back. Although I still occasionally hanker
}   after gerbils.
}
}   I have purchased a new thesaurus to improve my grovelling, fawning,
}   flattering, sycophancy, deference... Ahem. Sorry.
}
}   I have answered several questions in His Toticognizance's absence.
}
} > 3. What goals do you with to complete within the next year? Five
} >    years?
}
}   To perfect the art of crawling backwards out of the throne room
}   on hands and knees, while bobbing my head and singing praises.
}
}   To get the other priests to do some work occasionally, instead of
}   playing racquetball and using The Oracle's private swimming pool.
}
}   Oracle Training, to broaden my skillbase.
}
} > 4. How do you feel that you can become a more productive employee
} >    of the company?
}
}   A bigger office. Well, an office. Well, anything would be better
}   than the broom closet.
}
}   A lunch break. 5 minutes would be fine.
}
} > 5. What adjustment do you consider to be appropriate to your current
} >    salary?
}
}   I don't currently receive a salary. Am I supposed to? I suppose an
}   increase would be nice - I could buy a new sack. They wear at the
}   knees, you see. All the genuflecting.


908-02    (3gxyd dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Mike Nolan <nolan@celery.tssi.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh maginificent Oracle, so wise. I, your unworthy supplicant, am in
> desperate need of your advice. I wait joyfully for your wonderous
> answer to my little question.
>
> The Deskjet 855Cse just broke, and it makes horrible grinding noises
> while printing anything. Now the students can't print their reports and
> things, and the secretary is a little too edgy to let the kids use her
> computer. And she has good reason, we think the cause of the school's
> inkjet gone awry was some kid didn't know anything about computers and
> pulled the jammed paper out instead of using the buttons like s/he
> should.
>
> Oh glourious one, what shall we do?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Unfortunately, the demands on my time prevent me from personally fixing
} your printer. Contact your authorized Hewlett-Packard personnel and set
} up an appointment.
}
} In the meantime, here is a temporary solution:
}
} -Remove the paper tray
} -Distribute the paper to the distraught students
} -Equip each student with something called a "ballpoint pen". The pen is
} the predecessor of the inkjet printer, and, while it lacks many of the
} features our modern world takes for granted, it can do the job
} adequately. If you are confused as to where exactly to obtain the
} antiquated instruments, you might try asking your harried secretary if
} she has any to spare. If pens are unavailable, "pencils" also make an
} appropriate substitute. -Inform the students that they will be writing
} their papers "by hand". This practice involves using the hands and
} fingers in conjunction with the pens to create letters and words
} directly on the paper, with no computers involved. Some students may
} have forgotten this practice, and it may be necessary to post each
} letter, in its capital and lowercase forms, on a blackboard for them to
} copy. Elementary school still insist on training children in this
} archaic method, so it should come back to most of the students.
} Good luck!
}
} You owe the Oracle a fine-point Bic and a college-ruled notebook.


908-03    (69nHi dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: Scott Forbes <trans@lucent.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh!  Sorry, I didn't know you were in the tub.  I'll
> ask my question later.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oracular Memo
}
} To:  Zadoc
} From: Guess Who
}
} Subject: Supplicant to Oracle Teleconferencing Experiment
}
} After careful review and consideration, this experiment is deemed
} a failure and is subsequently terminated.  Please remove all video
} equipment immediately.  Start with the one in the Little Oracles Room.
}
} And Zadoc, if anything, and I mean *anything* shows up in
} alt.binaries.pictures.voyeurism, then I will personally make
} you fit into the nearest tube of toothpaste.


908-04    (8pBja dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Otis Viles <cierhart@ic.net>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} That's a character which any C programmer worth his salt will tell you
} is utterly unnecessary.  There are only seven uses for it, and there
} are perfectly fine alternatives for all of them:
}
}   Instead of           Use
} -----------------------------------------
}   a > b                b < a
}   a >= b               !(a < b)
}   a >> b               a / pow(2, b)
}   a >>= b              a /= pow(2, b)
}   ??>                  }
}   p -> q               (*p).q
}   #include <stdio.h>   #include "stdio.h"
}
} Why do programming languages have so many different ways of saying the
} same thing, anyway?  Do you honestly think we computers care?  It's
} just because those languages are created by the same absurdly illogical
} creatures that invented such travesties as English.
}
} Help get rid of, eliminate, remove, extirpate, dispense with,
} eradicate, annihilate, and stamp out redundancy.  Delete all those >s.
} It will make the world a better place.  Trust me.


908-05    (amzei dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Darkmage <DAVIS@wehi.edu.au>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh wise Oracle...
> can you tell me, how to use e-mail ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Fellow Sucker:
}
} This is going to sound like a con, but in fact IT IS! The person who is
} now #8 on the list was #9 when I got it, which was only a few days ago.
} Five dollars is a small investment in your future, and I can use it
} better than you. Forget the lottery for a week and give this a try.
} (The lottery is nothing more than a legal tax on stupid people. This at
} least is an illegal scheme against really stupid people.)
}
} You can edit this list with a word processor or text editor and then
} convert it to a text file. Since you're having trouble with e-mail,
} though, you might need a little help doing so. Good Luck!
}
} Dear Friend:
}
} My name is The Internet Oracle. In September 1988 my chariot was
} repossessed and the bill collectors (read: hellspawn) were hounding me
} like you wouldn't believe. Woodchuck questions were on the rise and
} over 90% of Supplicants defaulted on their payments for questions
} answered. Even Lisa didn't want anything to do with me. Then I hatched
} this scheme.
}
} In January 1989 Lisa and I went on a ten day cruise to Alpha Centauri.
} I bought a brand new Porsche 911 Carrera with CASH in February 1989.  I
} am currently building a new home on the sunny side of Olympus, with a
} private pool, boat slip, and a multimedia setup that has Bill Gates
} foaming at the mouth. I will never have to work again (like I ever
} did). Today I am RICH!
}
} I have earned over $400,000,000.00 (Four Hundred Million Dollars) to
} date and will become a billionaire within 4 or 5 days. Anyone,
} including you, can do the same. This money making program works
} perfectly every time, 100% of the time. I have NEVER failed to earn
} $50,000.00 or more whenever I wanted, which is daily. Best of all, you
} never have to leave home except to go to your mailbox or post office.
}
} Naturally, you're very skeptical. Variations of this popular scheme
} have been accused of being illegal. Even causing unrest in Albania.
} Heck, you may even have seen a similar message elsewhere. You probably
} don't want to have anything to do with it, but this is how you use
} e-mail in this day and age. Just trust me.
}
}      INSTRUCTIONS
}
} Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 20 to 60 days you will have
} received well over $50,000.00 cash, all yours. (Or an equal number of
} friendly messages from the kind people who have read your letter.) This
} program has remained successful because of the HONESTY and integrety of
} the participants. Please continue its success by CAREFULLY ADHERING to
} the instructions.
}
} Welcome to the world of Mail Order!  This little business is somewhat
} different than most mail order houses.  Your product is not solid and
} tangible, but rather a service.  You are in the business of developing
} Mailing Lists.  Many large corporations are happy to pay big bucks for
} quality lists. (The money made from the mailing lists is secondary to
} the income which is made from people like yourself requesting that they
} be included in that list.)
}
} [1]     Immediately mail $1.00 to the first 5 names listed below,
}         starting at number 1 through number 5. SEND CASH ONLY. (Total
}         investment: $5.00) Enclose a note with each letter stating:
}         "Please add my name to your mailing list" or "I fell for it,
}         too." Include your name and mailing address.  (This is a bogus
}         way of trying to keep this scam legitimate.)
}
} [2]     Remove the name that appears as number 1 on the list.  Move the
}         other nine names up one position (Number 2 becomes number 1,
}         number 3 becomes number 2, and so on). Place your name,
}         address, zip code, social security number, bra size (if
}         applicable), sexual orientation mother's maiden name, and phone
}         number (for those late night chat sessions with excited
}         participants) in the number 10 position.
}
} [3]     With your name in the number 10 position, upload this ENTIRE
}         file to ten thousand different newsgroups, regardless of topic.
}         The readers of these newsgroups will be grateful for your help.
}         In addition, send this message to all of your friends (if any)
}         and any person you have even a passing relationship with.
}         Believe me, they'll be so happy to receive your message that
}         your e-mail will be overflowing with praise
}
} [4]     Within 60 days you will receive over $50,000.00 in CASH,
}         several marriage proposals from supermodels, a professional
}         baseball contract, and the undying love and respect of the
}         entire Internet community. I did!
}
} Keep a copy of this file for yourself so that you can use it again and
} again whenever you need money or are just feeling lonely. As soon as
} you mail out these letters you're breaking the postal laws in several
} countries, but just claim that you're in the "mail order business."
}
} **  IT IS PERFECTLY ILLEGAL, BUT THAT SHOULDN'T STOP YOU  **
}
} NOTE:  Make sure that you retain EVERY name and address sent to you,
} either on computer or hard copy, but do not discard the names and notes
} that people send to you.  This is PROOF that you are truly providing a
} nuisance, and should the I.R.S. or some other government agency
} question you, you can provide them with this information to try to snow
} them!
}
} Remember, if anyone actually falls for this and follows the
} instructions, five members will be reimbursed for their participation
} as a List Developer with $1.00 each. Your name will move up the pyramid
} and, if you're lucky, someone stupider than you will send you some
} money and you can recoup what you've already spent. You'll have a very
} full e-mail inbox, no matter what.
}
} REMEMBER - THIS PROGRAM FAILS ONLY IF YOU CAN THINK FOR YOURSELF. BE A
} SHEEP!
}
} 1. The Internet Oracle             Box 1
}                                    Delphi
}
} 2. Bill Gates                      Microsoft Corporation
}                                    Redmond, Washington
}
} 3. Rupert Murdoch                  17 Media Magnate Way
}                                    Los Angeles, California
}
} 4. Orenthal James Simpson          Post Office Box 32
}                                    Los Angeles, California
}
} 5. Lisa                            Box 2
}                                    Delphi
}
} 6. William Clinton                 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
}                                    Washington, DC
}
} 7. Queen Elizabeth II              Buckingham Palace
}                                    London, England
}
} 8. Charles Wood                    13 Marmot Lane
}                                    Marmota monax, Canada
}
} 9. Al Everett                      1 Oracle Incarnation
}                                    Somewhere, New Jersey
}
} 10.Zadoc                           Tranquil Pines Home for the Silly
}                                    Plantation, Florida
}
} You owe the Oracle your name, address and $1. In addition, the Oracle
} requires the Brooklyn Bridge and breakfast without much Spam in it.


908-06    (gzzb2 dist, 2.5 mean)
Selected-By: Mike Nolan <nolan@celery.tssi.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh wise Oracle
> Can you tell me some interesting chat newsgroup, I need some easy and
> funny topic to talk about.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} From the home office on Mount Olympus...
}
} The Top Ten Newsgroups I read:
}
} 10. alt.annoying.supplicant.zot
} 9.  rec.food.cooking.woodchucks
} 8.  rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5.mod
} 7.  alt.sex.oracle
} 6.  alt.lisa
} 5.  alt.torture.zadoc
} 4.  alt.worship.oracle
} 3.  rec.games.zotting
} 2.  alt.politics.olympus
} 1.  alt.woodchuck.die.die.die
}
} You owe the oracle something funnier than a top ten list.


908-07    (bsvo5 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: David Sewell <dsew@packrat.aml.arizona.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh wonderous Oracle, please tell me what I should do.
> The other day, I bought a grapefruit but when I got it home and opened
> it up, there were no grapes inside.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Here.  Fill in this form and send it in along with the
} defective fruit for a full refund.
}
} ---------------------8<----Cut Here----8<---------------------
}                  US Department of Agriculture
}                          Form 1140-FV
}                    Defective Produce Return
}
} Please use a separate form for each fruit or vegetable.
}
} 1.  Personal identification
}
}   a.  Name ___________________________________________________
}
}   b.  Address ________________________________________________
}
}               ________________________________________________
}
}               ________________________________________________
}
}   c.  Daytime telephone number (___)__________________________
}
}   d.  Social security number _____-_____-_______
}
} 2.  Type of produce:
}
}   a.  Scientific name ________________________________________
}
}   b.  Common name (if known) _________________________________
}
}   c.  Portion of plant (check all that apply)
}
}       ___ Stems           ___ Leaves          ___ Roots
}       ___ Seed pods       ___ Seeds           ___ Flowers
}       ___ Sepals          ___ Spores          ___ Pollen
}       ___ Fronds          ___ Thorns          ___ Mycelia
}       ___ Other (specify:____________________________________)
}
}   d.  Size:  length _______________________________________ cm
}
}              width ________________________________________ cm
}
} 3.  Purchase information:
}
}   a.  Location where purchased (give full address) ___________
}
}       ________________________________________________________
}
}   b.  Date purchased _________________________________________
}
}   c.  Date problem identified ________________________________
}
}   d.  Purchase price ___________ (show price in US $ - if paid
}       in foreign currency, indicate exchange rate) ___________
}
}   Attach original receipts.
}
} 4.  Reason for return
}
}   Produce is (check all that apply)
}
}       ___ Too soft                 ___ Too firm
}       ___ Overripe                 ___ Underripe
}       ___ Bitter                   ___ Sour
}       ___ Moldy                    ___ Wilted
}       ___ The wrong color          ___ Spoiled
}       ___ Just plain nasty         ___ Ugly
}       ___ Blighted                 ___ Spotty
}       ___ Soiled                   ___ Sticky
}       ___ Leaking                  ___ Dry
}       ___ Broken                   ___ Squashed
}       ___ Missing pieces           ___ Other __________________
}
} Enter all information completely, and then send this form with
} the defective produce, postage prepaid, to:
}
}   US Department of Agriculture
}   Food and Consumer Service
}   Office of Consumer Affairs
}   3101 Park Center Drive, Rm. 813B
}   Alexandria, Virginia 22302-1594
}
} PAPERWORK REDUCTION ACT NOTICE:  We ask for the information on
} this form in order to process your refund and to determine the
} final disposition for your returned produce.  You are not
} required to give us this information.  If you do not supply
} the information to us, you may not receive your refund, and
} some unlucky schoolchild might receive your produce at lunch.
}
} The time needed to complete and file this form will vary
} depending on individual circumstances.  The estimated average
} time is:
}
} Recordkeeping  . . . . . . . .   8 min.
}
} Learning about the law or
} about the form . . . . . . . .  27 min.
}
} Preparing the form . . . . . .  12 min.
}
} Copying, assembling, and
} sending the form to the USDA .  20 min.
}
} If you have comments about the accuracy of these time
} estimates or suggestions for making this form simpler, we
} would be happy to hear from you.  You can write to the
} Director of Public Information, Food and Consumer Service,
} 3101 Park Center Drive, Rm. 819, Alexandria, Virginia
} 22302-1594.
}
} OMB # 5799-3001
} ---------------------8<----Cut Here----8<---------------------
}
} You owe the Oracle a breadfruit.  Hot dog roll size.


908-08    (kmoq7 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: David Sewell <dsew@packrat.aml.arizona.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Laconic Oric, what happened to the 1-liners?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} They got replaced by the all
} new and improved *2* liners!


908-09    (48owv dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> If you are Sanjay write me:-}
> xxxxx@xxxx.xxxxx.ru.
>                                                  Tanya

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Aha! Trying to trap me in a paradox, eh? If I am not Sanjay, I
} should not reply. But I am the Oracle, so I must reply. But if
} I reply, then I am Sanjay and not the Oracle, so I need not have
} replied...
}
} Tish-poo, foolish supplicant! You should know better than to try
} and test my omniscience. I can figure my way out of *any* conundrum.
} In this case, it's childishly easy. Your exact word were "If you
} are Sanjay write me:-}" so all I have to do is not write "me:-}"
} and I'm off the hook.
}
} ...Except I just have. Dammit! Why'd I have to show off?
}
} Okay, what else can I do? I could pretend I *was* Sanjay. Nah,
} that's cheap. Anyway, I might have to prove it. Hmmm... time to
} call in a specialist in paradoxes, methinks. Where's that CD?
} Ah, here it is. Just put it in the drive, and...
}
}                   SAGES OF THE AGES <tm>
}             Interactive Wisdom Simulation Game
}
}               Copyright: Encarta 1996, 1997
}               ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
}
} You have selected Zeno of Elea. Please wait a moment while he is
} loaded............................................
}
} Zeno: The Parmenidean doctrine of the one, indivisible reality is
}    the only philosophically reasonable belief, since arguing in favor
}    of the alternative, that is, of many distinguishable qualities and
}    objects capable of relative motion, creates a host of impossible
}    situations. Achilles, traveling at twice the speed of the tortoise,
}    can never catch up because, each time that he has covered half the
}    distance between them, the tortoise has moved ahead by half *that*
}    distance. So long as time and distance are infinitely divisible,
}    Achilles never draws level, because at this stage the distance
}    between them would be zero, which is not half of anything.
}
} Oracle: So if I were to punch you in the throat now, you'd be
}    perfectly safe because my fist would never reach you? Shall we
}    try it?
}
} Zeno: I just make the postulates - I leave the empirical proof to
}    others.
}
} Oracle: Smart move.
}
} Zeno: Hi, Orrie. What can I do you for?
}
} Oracle: Resolve a paradox - right down your street. How do I respond
}    to this supplicant without being Sanjay?
}
} Zeno: Piece of cake. You reply "I'm not Sanjay and this message is
}    typed not written, so there. Nyah-nyah-de-nyah!"
}
} Oracle: Bit of a cop-out, don't you think?
}
} Zeno: Well, it was just off the top of my head, you know. What's
}    the ":-}" bit anyway?
}
} Oracle: It's a simpering smiley.
}
} Zeno: Oh, I thought it looked like a Parthian bow. I mean, "ru" is
}    Russia, isn't it? This Tanya could be one of those wild nomadic
}    warrior women from the boundless steppes of Hyperborea, the realm
}    that lies beyond the North Wind.
}
} Oracle: Get your hormones under control. Things have changed in Russia
}    since your day. Anyway, you're nothing but a simulation.
}
} Zeno: Drat! I keep forgetting that.
}
} Oracle: Keep your mind on the problem and off your gonads. What's
}    the solution?
}
} Zeno: Okay. First premise: there are no instructions as to what you
}    are to do if you are not Sanjay, right?
}
} Oracle: No, though presumably writing to her is out.
}
} Zeno: Second premise, then: there is nothing that obliges you to
}    either confirm or deny that you *are* Sanjay.
}
} Oracle: You mean, I can reply to a paradox with another paradox?
}
} Zeno: Why not?
}
} Oracle: Brilliant, Zeno! That's it! I owe you one, mate.
}
} Zeno: Well, how about a simulation of one of those wild nomadic
}    warrior women from...
}
} Oracle: Dream on. End program.
}
} <click>
}
} It's all so simple, really. I don't know why I didn't think of
} it myself.
}
} Dear Tanya,
} If I am Sanjay, do not read this:-b


908-10    (7uBi7 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Darkmage <DAVIS@wehi.edu.au>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why the Gehenna am I getting duplicates of the same question over and
> over?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} From the Wall Street Journal, May 27:
}
}              ORACUCO INDUSTRIES AND CYBER PROMOTIONS
}                          ANNOUNCE MERGER
}
}    BLOOMINGTON, INDIANA -- Dismayed by the quality of this quarter's
} subcontracted questions, Oracuco Industries has initiated a merger
} with another high-tech company, Cyber Promotions.
}
}    Cyber Promotions uses an advanced technology called e-mail to
} advertise on the International Network of computers, or "Inter-net."
} Their technology allows them to reach millions of people for only a
} few dollars.
}
}    Oracuco Industries is responsible for 83% of the wisdom on the
} Inter-net, which it provides to its end-users through a patented
} question-and-answer format.  Those not directly involved with this
} process can also receive the distilled wisdom through newsletters
} called "Oracularities" and "Best of's."
}
}    "We're very excited here," said Oracuco CEO Steve Kinzler.  "Our
} software was designed on a one-in, one-out model.  With the
} integration of Cyber Promotions' "spamming" technologies, we'll be
} able to disseminate questions to large numbers of people, improving
} the odds of getting an answer that not only makes sense, but is funny
} as well."
}
}    Added Cyber Promotions' Sanford "Spam King" Wallace, "This is great
} for both companies!  Oracuco will get a much-needed boost in volume,
} and the endorsement of the Oracle will disperse some of the negative
} publicity Cyber Promotions has been getting."
}
}    "We've received very few complaints so far," said Lisa, the Oracuco
} Press Representative.  "We have been testing the spamification
} software in our system for a week, and have found few interface
} problems.  I'd say it's a go."
}
}    The Chairman of Oracuco Industries, the Usenet Oracle, was
} unavailable for comment.  Rumor has it that he is displeased with the
} merger, and may be planning on using his <ZOT!> gun, a powerful weapon
} designed to atomize his enemies.
}
}    Also questionable is the numerous legal problems, both criminal and
} civil, which haunt Wallace.  Various Inter-net factions have joined
} forces in a lawsuit against Wallace, claiming his bulk e-mailings are
} in violation of the same law that prohibits unsolicited fax messages.
}
}    Upon news of the proposed merger, Oracuco Industries went up 3/4,
} Cyber Promotions down 2.


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