909-06 (57Gpi dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: Dreyaldumar <firstname.lastname@example.org>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
> To: email@example.com
> From: firstname.lastname@example.org
> Subject: Work commensurate to your ability!
> As you may be aware, MicroSoft is planning to expand into the
> oracular business, by moving staff from our customer support lines to
> provide Answers from our valued customers.
> In the fine tradition of MicroSoft, I am proud to offer you this
> chance to become the MS-Oracle. Your duties will include:
> o Answering of MS-Questions;
> o Managing a large number of MS-Priests, whose task will be to feed
> your brilliance, and improve our service;
> o Weilding the Staff of ZOT^H^H^HZappity-Zap.
> Of course, our renumeration package is second to none, and there is
> significant opportunity for career advancement within the new
> MS-Oracle. (Though I can't think where to---after all, you would be
> _the MS-Oracle_.)
> Bill Gates.
> ``Linux was invented by foreign terrorists to take money away from
> good American companies like MicroSoft.''
} Dear Mr. Gates:
} While I am greatly impressed by your offer, after weighing the pros and
} cons of it, I find that I must respectfully decline. So that you may
} understand my position, I've provided this list of comparison points:
} THE USENET ORACLE MICROSOFT
} ----------------- ---------
} * Omnipotent, bad-tempered * Extremely wealthy, bad-tempered
} immortal being is head mortal being is head honcho
} * Located on campus of Indiana U * Located on Microsoft campus
} * Receive scorn of millions for * Receive scorn of millions for
} lame one-line answers browser security holes
} * Receive praise of millions for * Receive praise for Windows NT
} clever answers like #638-08 after spending millions to bribe
} * IDIOTS WHO SEND QUESTIONS IN * MSN
} ALL CAPS
} * Woodchucks * Windows 95
} So, as you can see, although the potential benefits are tempting, I
} find that the actual work involved would be a good deal more stressful.
} In the hopes that you can find a more suitable candidate, I remain,
} Oracular Assistant,
} Indiana University.
} "Microsoft was invented by domestic terrorists. Remember, it's
} no longer an import industry."