} Humble supplicant, I shall endeavor to persevere. Now, let me just
} start up the Way-Back Machine...oops, wrong gadget. Let me get down
} the crystal ball...
} Schroeder grows up to be a frustrated grunge musician; despite his
} obvious talent, he's never discovered and spends the rest of his life
} bagging groceries during the week and playing in grubby clubs on
} weekends. He becomes the bitterest living human being before he's
} Pigpen grows up to be the drummer in Schroeder's band.
} Linus, that pathetic weakling, overdoses on heroin and dies a week
} before his twentieth birthday. Sally commits suicide upon learning of
} Rerun grows up to get a degree in psychology, and will draw on his
} experiences watching the screwed-up antics of the others to write a
} bunch of touchy-feely pop-psychology books.
} Roosevelt gets a football scholarship to Stanford, and, after the end
} of a professional career, becomes a motivational speaker, and, later
} on, a daytime talk show host.
} Lucy becomes a professional dominatrix.
} Peppermint Patty, along with what's-her-name with the glasses, becomes
} a nationally-known lesbian activist.
} Snoopy dies of rabies around the time Charlie Brown's voice changes.
} Woodstock is caught and eaten by Heathcliff, on a raiding foray from
} another strip.
} And Charlie Brown grows up to get a job with the postal service; one
} day he brings an AK-47 to work, and kills eighteen of his co-workers
} before the cops cut him down. All the statements given to the police
} afterwards agree on one thing--"He was such a quiet man, and he seemed
} like such a nice guy."
} You owe the Oracle some extra magazines for this AK-47.