921-09 (cevEj dist, 3.3 mean)
Selected-By: "Leo L. Schwab" <email@example.com>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
> [Beavis and Butthead enter the information age]
> Butthead: Hey Beavis -- check it out! I stole this e-mail address
> from Mr. Van Driessen's computer. It's for some guy named, like, the
> Oracle, or something. He can answer all of our questions about
> whatever we want. For free.
> Beavis: So?
> Butthead: Now all we need to do is ask him a question.
> Beavis: Let's ask him about chicks... like, how soon before I get
> Butthead: Naw. We already know you aren't gonna get any. We
> need a more difficult question.
> Beavis: Ummmm... heh-heh ... ummmmmmmm ... heh-heh ...
> Butthead: Uh, I've got one. Huh-huh-huh.
> Beavis: No way, buttknocker. I've got one.
> Butthead: Tough, @sswipe. I'm at the keyboard.
> [Butthead begins to type:]
> H ... O ... W M ... U ... C ... H W ... O ... O ... D ...
> Beavis: Heh-heh. Heh-heh. You said "wood".
> Butthead: Oh yeah, I did. Huh. Huh-huh-huh.
> Beavis: Do you think, like, this Oracle dude gets morning wood?
> Butthead: Uuuuuhh... I dunno. Depends on his, uh, relationship ...
> with, like, Lisa, or Michelle, or sumthin'.
> Beavis: Oh yeah. Heh-heh-heh.
> Butthead: He's the MAN.
> [Butthead continues typing:]
> ... W ... O ... U ... L ... D ...
> Beavis: Look Buttmunch, that's not how you spell "wood". I think
> it's, like, shorter.
> Butthead: Shut up Dilweed. It's not THAT "wood".
> [Typing again:]
> ... A W ... O ... O ... D ...
> Beavis: LOOK! LOOK! You said "wood" again! Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
> Butthead: Beavis, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna have to kick you in
> the nads.
> Beavis: No way, Butthead. I'm gonna kick YOU in the nads.
> [Typing again:]
> ... C ... H ... U ... C ... K C ... H ... U ... C ... K I ... F
> A W ... O ... O ... D ...
> Beavis: LOOK! LOOK! You did it again! Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!!!
> [Butthead kicks Beavis in the groin:] <CRACK!> [Beavis finally shuts
> [Typing again:]
> ... C ... H ... U ... C ... K C ... O ... U ... L ... D
> C ... H ... U ... C ... K W ... O ... O ... D?
> Beavis [wheezing]: Hhhhh-hhh-hhh. "Wood". Hhhhh-hhh-hhh. Cool.
} [Bart turns the TV off:] *click*
} Bart: I thought "Itchy and Scratchy" was on!
} Lisa: Bart, you *know* that's only on Thursdays. Besides, aren't
} you curious about this mystical Oracle being?
} Bart: No way, man. I mean, Beavis and Butthead need to get a life.
} And who cares about woodchucks?
} Lisa: Bart, the woodchuck, also known as the groundhog or
} Marmota monax, is a fascinating rodent closely related
} to the squirrel. It is also a burrowing animal,
} hibernating for several--
} Bart: Dad, make Lisa shut up!
} Homer: Lisa, shut up!
} Marge: Homer!
} Homer: Doh!
} [Doorbell rings, and Lisa opens the door:]
} Ned: Hey-dilly dey-dilly, neighbors!
} Bart and Homer: Doh!
} Ned: What'cha doin?
} Lisa: I was telling Bart about woodchucks.
} Ned: Woodchucks? What's a woodchuck?
} Lisa: The woodchuck, also known as the groundhog or Marmota monax,
} is a fascinating rodent--
} Marge: Lisa, shut up!
} Bart (to Homer): Yeah, man!
} [Krusty enters through the kitchen:]
} Krusty (muttering and stumbling): I can't find any more beer...
} Homer: [belches]. Not anymore. Hey! Why are you looking for my
} Krusty: Wha-- This isn't my house!
} [Krusty leaves through the front door.]
} Lisa: As I was saying, the woodchuck is a burrowing animal. In
} fact, the volume of an average woodchuck's burrow is 6860
} cubic inches, meaning that if a woodchuck could chuck as
} much wood as dirt for the burrow, a woodchuck could chuck--
} [Oracle turns the TV off:] *click*
} You owe the Oracle a better cable TV package.