> Tomblin, Purdy, pir, Young, and Pederson
> System Administrators
> TO: FROM:
> Internet Oracle alt.sysadmin.recovery and
> firstname.lastname@example.org news:alt.sysadmin.recovery
> It have come to our attention that you have been in possession of a
> restricted weapon of great LART potential.
> Use of Luser Attitude Readjustment Tools (LART's) have been
> restricted to charter posters of moderated Internet newsgroups
> alt.sysadmin.recovery, alt.tech-support.recovery and non-posting system
> administrators, news administrators, web(Internet) administrators,
> and technical support people by the Geneva convention of 1887.
> More over, usage of weapons in which chemical element "ZOT" is present,
> such as Staff of ZOT, ZOT Cannon, and Great LARTing ZOT Machine Gun,
> have been specifically restricted by international treaty of Zalzburg
> of 1982 of which State of Indiana is a signee. In chapter 7, paragraph
> 3, sub-paragraph C it is explicitly stated that:
> "Usage of Staff of ZOT, or any modifications, such as Rapid Firing
> Stuff of ZOT, or Shoulder Mounted Stuff of ZOT should be
> administered only by qualified personnel and only onto Certified
> Computer Lusers"
> In paragraph 2, subparagraph A of the 2nd Amendment it is stated that
> "qualified personnel" is:
> "Any posters of moderated Internet newsgroups alt.sysadmin.recovery,
> alt.tech-support.recovery and non-posting system administrators,
> news administrators, web(Internet) administrators, and computer
> technical support people are considered as the only personnel
> qualified for handling any weapons of LART potential higher then 7
> megaLARTs, including the LART's utilizing ZOT as an integral part
> of their design".
> In accordance to the Zalzburg Treaty, the LART potential of Staff of
> ZOT exceeds the safe 7 megaLARTs, and is 9.5 megaLARTs
> We are charging Internet Oracle with the following offenses:
> o Usage of restricted LART
> o Usage of a LART with LART potential of 9.5 megaLARTs by personnel
> that is not qualified to handle LART of such potency
> o Usage of LART which uses ZOT chemical element in it's integral
> design on subjects that are not qualified as Certified Computer
> Lusers, such as woodchucks, supplicants, and Zadoc.
> The above offenses are punished by repeated subjection to ZOT Cannon
> with LART potential of 12.3 megaLARTs for the duration of 10 LARTings,
> or to subjection to 5 !plonk!'s at the choice of the offender.
> We have taken into consideration your usage of Staff of ZOT on Bill
> Gates, and decided that a following amendment to the sentence would be
> in order:
> Please cease usage of Staff of ZOT, and return it to armory of
> alt.sysadmin.recovery or become a "qualified person" as stated in
> paragraph 2, subparagraph A of the 2nd Amendment within 24 hours or
> the above sentence will be carried out.
> Peter (pir) Radiclif, Head Administrator
> Sean B. Purdy Eric L. Pederson Paul Tomblin Alister J. R. Young
> [Signed] [Signed] [Signed] [Signed]