} In truth, the phrase "Kyrie Eleison" hearkens back to the much earlier
} days of Christianity, when the old Nordic Gods were still around. If
} you will remember, the god Odin had several Warrior Maidens known as
} the Valkyries, whose "duties" included bringing dead warriors to
} Valhalla. Of course, we all knew that Odin kept them simply because he
} enjoyed being surrounded by beautiful women, I mean, what deity
} doesn't? But of course, Odin was rather touchy about such things,
} especially since the Current Trends in religion were beginning to
} discourage "relationships" between god and worshiper.
} Now in those days, each deity pretty much kept to his own followers.
} That was just The Way Things Were. I mean, to have Zeus go messing
} with Buddha's worshipers was just unheard of! And no vow of celibacy
} had yet been imposed upon the clergy of the new Church. It was
} considered unnecessary, especially since the Church was still trying to
} One day, though, one of the newer Valkyries happened to run into a
} young Christian monk. Of course, one thing led to another... I won't
} go into details, of course... and before you know it, all of the
} immortals were in an uproar about these two.
} Needless to say, Odin was quite embarrassed by all of this, so he
} retreated with his clan into relative obscurity. Your Church, in order
} to prevent this from happening again, imposed the aforementioned vow
} upon all monks, nuns, and priests. It was also decided that a hidden
} reference to this event should be included in the Mass, so that it
} should not be forgotten by Those Who Need To Be Reminded. Now, it just
} happened that the latin "Kyrie Eleison" translates roughly to "Lord,
} have mercy upon us", thus creating the perfect disguise for a Valkyrie
} Of course, your rector will deny all of this, but remember: Any
} investigative reporter will tell you, when a piece of gossip is denied,
} it is actually confirmed...
} You owe the Oracle a recording of the famous "Ride of the Valkyries"
} song from Richard Wagner's opera "Die Walkure" and one censor-ful of