} Well, what you probably didn't know is that I am a composer, in addition
} to being all-knowing. So I will suspend my offense at your remark
} whilst I answer this question.
} You see, a long time ago, there was this dude, name of Orpheus (a real
} hep cat I used to listen to with the "Aegean Uvular Skinheads" opening).
} He made such beautiful music that the very Shades wept, and Ixion's
} Wheel did for a moment stop. This, as you might guess, was a real trip.
} But, as you heard, along came this snake and snuffed his squeeze, and he
} screwed up and tried to get her back, and got himself nixed in the
} Anyway, along came some philosophers, Plato, Aristotle, Aristoxenus and
} other dope-fiends like those dudes, and wrote some really tripping
} stuff, like that music could cause you to do stuff and all. Tim
} Leary-like and all that drib.
} So along (a lot later) came dudes like Leonin, Machaut and the
} Troubadours (who later came to be known as DeadHeads), and other dudes
} like Ockechem and Josquin Des Prez. And all was happ'nin'.
} Well, a coupla hunnert years later came this dude Richard Wagner
} (pronounced DICK WAG-NUR) who thought it'd be neat to use a couple more
} chords than the other cats, just to see. Well, good old Schoenberg took
} this too far, along with others of his generation.
} But then folks like Andrew Lloyd Webber came along and took us back to
} the Dark Ages. John Williams nailed the lid on the coffin.
} So you see, the reason is that all the *good* composers are *pissed off*
} that Williams and Webber are making all the bread and getting the babes
} and they write *pissed off* music.
} Actually, there is some pleasant music being written out there.
} You owe the Oracle some blank cassettes so he can tape you some
} Hindemith, Ives (older), Poulenc, Vaughan Williams, Ferneyhough, and
} Martland. Not to mention Melby. (But don't tell the RIAA!)