> Dear Friends,
> My name is Norm and I've got an amazing story to tell you, a story
> that can make you RICH BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS!
> One day I was walking down the beach and I found a lamp. Rubbing it on
> my sweatpants, an amazing thing happened. A genie appeared. He told
> me he had come to make me an AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, ONE TIME OFFER! All
> I had to do was piss people off and for every person who started to
> hate me a nickel would fall out of my ass.
> Well, I was skeptical at first. I mean, come on, shitting nickels?
> But I decided to give it a try. I wrapped my brain around the problem
> to figure out how I could make as many enemies as possible in the
> shortest amount of time and it hit me... A chain letter, an ostensibly
> illegal pyramid scheme posted in totally inappropriate newsgroup
> hierarchies like soc.*, rec.*, alt.* any personals group, or best of
> all, a binaries group where text posts are TOTALLY unwanted. Well, I
> went back to that genie and said I needed a little incentive to get
> people to duplicate my annoying spam.
> Yes folks, the genie listened and he has EXTENDED THE OFFER TO
> EVERYONE! Yes, now you too can SHIT NICKELS FOR FUN AND PROFIT! And
> better than that, if anyone copies the post from you and posts it
> themselves, NOT ONLY WILL THEY SHIT NICKELS, BUT FOR EVERY NICKEL THEY
> SHIT, YOU'LL SHIT A PENNY!
> Let's look at the math with EASY TO GET responses:
> With a conservative estimate of a million people on the net, assume
> half of those read your post and of that half, 85% of those people hate
> you. . .
> that's 21,250 - OVER TWENTY-ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS. . . RIGHT OFF THE
> And those people can be used over and over again. Let's say that just
> one other person copies this letter from your post and reposts
> everywhere, getting JUST AS MANY PEOPLE PISSED OFF!!! Even if they're
> the same people who got pissed off at _you_, that's still going to mean
> ANOTHER $4,250 DROPPING RIGHT OUT OF YOUR ASS! ! ! ! PYRAMID
> SCHEMES RUN OUT, GET OVERSATURATED, EVENTUALLY THERE'S NO ONE LEFT...
> BUT THIS PLAN IS FOOLPROOF, UNLIMITED, THIS LETTER CAN PISS PEOPLE OFF
> OVER AND OVER AND OVER, AND YOU'LL GET RICHER EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!!
> Yes, with just ONE LETTER AND NO FINANCIAL INVESTMENT WHATSOEVER you
> can make OVER TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!! Of course, you'll have
> to clean the feces off the coins, count, and roll them. But that's
> nothing when you consider ALL THE MONEY THAT BEING AN ASSHOLE MADE COME
> OUT OF YOUR ASSHOLE!
> Trust me folks, it works. It's a proven fact that if you post pyramid
> scheme letters in all sorts of places PEOPLE WILL HATE YOU! They'll
> send you mail bombs, complain to your postmaster, call you all sorts of
> names, BUT YOU'LL BE LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK WITH CRAP COVERED
> COINS COMING OUT OF YOUR PANTS!
> Read these testimonials from a few satisfied posters!
> Dear Norm,
> I never thought it possible, but you were right. Ever since I posted
> your Shit. Nickels letter, so many people have been getting pissed at
> me that the nickels have just been flying out of my ass! I even made
> a game out of it. I set a basketball hoop up over my toilet and I
> just bend over and let those nickels go. For every one that
> makes it through the hoop, I get two points. I've become the Michael
> Jordan of nickel shitters. And yesterday, I started shitting
> pennies. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
> B. A. Schmuck
> Fort Wayne, Indiana
> Dear Norm,
> Thanks again for your suggestion about lubing up with Vaseline or KY
> Jelly. After those thousands of nickels shooting out of it, my
> asshole was geting sooo sore. But I'm sore no more and I'm rich as
> Croesus to boot. Thanks for touching my life and my ass.
> Yours Always,
> Cherry B. Toodles
> Los Angeles, California
> Yes, folks, you too can become RICH BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS! Copy
> this post everywhere, make people hate you, and you'll shit nickels
> too! Send your success stories to norm@orbit. demon. co. uk and
> your letter might just be in the next version!
> [chain letter parody; author takes no responsibility for idiots who
> repost this and cannot be held liable for any nickel shitting related