} It always heartens the Oracle when young people come asking queries
} about love. You see, I am current conducting my own 'double slit'
} experiment with Lisa and a long Spanish sundress. I'll be sure to let
} you know the results when we're through.
} You owe the Oracle ... Oh, wait a minute. You mean Young's 'double
} slit' experiment. Quantum mechanics, eh? I took a course in Quantum
} Mechanics at Lincoln Tech, hang on there.. Quackery, Quadrophonic
} Sound, Quagmires in Babylon during the Second Dynasty, ah, here we are:
} Quantum Mechanics.
} So you want to know about the infamous duality principle. The debate
} in those days went something like this:
} Democrites: All the things in nature, like this plate of kasseri
} cheese, are made up of small chunky bits called 'atomos'.
} Aristotle: I don't think so, fat boy! Try Fire, Earth, Air,
} and Water!
} Democrites: Step off, bud, or you'll get some of that first element
} right in your face.
} Aristotle: You want a piece of me? You want a piece of me?
} Democrites: OPAA! <Whoosh>
} And hence Aristotle's eyebrows were singed, and Saganaki was born.
} Heisenberg: Herr Democrites, I have some bad news for you.
} Democrites: Pass the spanakopeta.
} Heisenberg: Look, old man, we didn't want to have to tell you this.
} But matter is waves, not particles.
} Democrites: What? Get your kraut butt over here.
} Heisenberg: Hey! Let go! Oof! Your particle theory got stuck in my wave
} Democrites: And your wave theory got stuck in my particle theory!
} Neils Bohr: Two great tastes, taste great together!
} And thus quantum mechanics was created.
} But back to your question -- to sum it up, if I may: Does the duality
} principle hold for macroscopic objects -- ones larger than, say, the
} Spice Girls' brains? And here we turn to the tale of Erwin
} Schrodinger was a loner Quantum Mechanic. Kept to himself, mostly --
} he was about 15 years older than all those young hotshots like Bohr,
} Heisenberg, and Favre. Maybe this explains why he spent the rest of
} his days locking cats in small boxes and poisoning them in the
} "interest of science." Anyhoo, the idea was that if you link a
} microscopic phenomena (alpha decay in tritium) to a macroscopic
} phenomena (felinicide), a probability waveform collapses, but what is
} far more likely is that you get 10 to 20 in Sing-Sing. And so before
} this went on for too long, Schrodinger was playing the Physicist's
} Blues, and his results are lost to posterity.
} So in summary: modern science still doesn't know about that particular
} duality principle. On the other hand, it has been proven it is
} impossible to be both a Chicago Bears fan and a Green Bay Packers fan.
} Results of experiments have shown that in addition to collapsing
} waveforms, the test subjects themselves have collapsed due to
} nearest-neighbor interactions. I recommend you keep your cats safely
} locked in your basement.
} You owe the Oracle a non-Abelian gauge theory topped with bechamel