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} Good lord, supplicant! Why waste your time with Grovel 4.x? I've
} installed Grovel 98beta and, I tell you son, it's great! Here,
} lemme show you. Zadoc! Hoi, ZADOC!
}
} [The Oracle waits expectantly, but nothing happens]
}
} Zadoc! Come here, you snivelling snotmonkey!
}
} [A brief pause; then the truculent figure of the Oracle's premier
} priest slouches into the Oracular chamber]
}
} ZADOC: No need to burst a blood vessel.
}
} ORACLE: Where were you, worm?
}
} ZADOC: I was busy, wasn't I? So whaddaya want that's so all-fired
} important?
}
} ORACLE: I want you to demonstrate your Grovel 98beta implant for
} the benefit of this supplicant.
}
} ZADOC: What, now?
}
} ORACLE: You got something more important planned?
}
} ZADOC: As a matter of fact...
}
} ORACLE: Stop wasting time! Just demonstrate the damn thing.
}
} ZADOC: If I must. Just don't expect clean woodchuck cages tonight,
} is all I can say.
}
} [Zadoc the Priest stands rigidly to attention, and begins pulling
} a series of strange faces]
}
} ORACLE: What're you doing now, vermin?
}
} ZADOC: Have you any idea how much RAM that stupid program of yours
} takes up? I have to disable most higher brain functions just
} to load it.
}
} ORACLE: Will I notice a difference?
}
} ZADOC: Ha bloody ha.
}
} [Zadoc continues pulling facial expressions and twitching at the
} extremities. He then pokes his index finger into his left ear and
} makes soft whirring noises]
}
} ZADOC: Ready.
}
} ORACLE: Great - go outside and come back in when I call you.
}
} ZADOC: Blow this for a game of soldiers.
}
} [Exit Zadoc]
}
} ORACLE: Okay supplicant, now watch this - it'll knock you sideways!
} Zadoc! Hoi, ZADOC!
}
} [Zadoc the Priest shuffles in on his hands and knees, bumping his
} forehead on the floor at regular intervals]
}
} ZADOC: You summoned me, oh knower of all there is to be known, seer
} of all there is to be seen and fondler of all there is to be
} fondled?
}
} ORACLE: I did. Tell me who I am.
}
} ZADOC: You are the sun that lights our sky by day and the stars
} that guide our footsteps by night. You are the music that
} enchants our ears and the succubus that makes our wet dreams
} worth dreaming. Verily, you are he who knows the truth is
} out there and amuses himself by keeping it hidden from Agent
} Mulder.
}
} ORACLE: Isn't it great? Look, and you can select different modes of
} grovel too. Do an Arabian Nights, Zadoc.
}
} ZADOC: Effendi, may the blessings of Allah and his Prophet rain down
} like rose petals and lotus blossoms upon your resplendent visage!
} Your knowledge, which is as boundless as the oceans - yea, may it
} never be hidden from your faithful adherents, if Allah wills it -
} your wisdom which, if it were written with a needle in the corner
} of an eye, would cause considerable discomfort to even the most
} enlightened, may it...
}
} ORACLE: Now a surreal one!
}
} ZADOC: O larsporsenian mantelpiece ornament, you are as orange as
} a congeleen afro curled around the bony edges of a silver spoon
} expressing its innermost desires for a lime-based detergent.
} The tiny sounds of ancient bees resound forth from the forested
} coercions between your toes. Were it not for the dizzy whiptail
} ambivalence of your crumbling fleece, I could nev
}
} ORACLE: You could nev? What's that supposed to mean?
}
} [Zadoc stands frozen, a thin trickle of saliva appearing at the
} corner of his open mouth]
}
} ORACLE: Blast, he's crashed! Control - Alt - Delete, Zadoc!
}
} [No response]
}
} ORACLE: I forgot to tell you, supplicant - you may need to upgrade
} your hardware. Actually, that's something I should have done
} years ago with this rabble that serves me. Control - Alt -
} Delete, Zadoc!
}
} [Still no response]
}
} ORACLE: It's no good - this is going to need a hard reboot. Lisa!
} Fetch me an ice pick!
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