} I regret to inform you that the answer you seek is really quite
} boring. It's various fat solids mixed with --LOTS-- of sugar.
} However, since you did have such a wonderful grovel (something
} I've seen far too few of these days), I'll let you in on another little
} secret about the cookie: Why they call them Oreo.
} You might naturally think they are some sort of inside reference
} to my nickname "Orrie", but it's actually more interesting than that.
} You see, once upon a time this baker decided to take a vacation and go
} fishing in Washington State. He knew of a huge lake that was great for
} bass. So he took his trusty rowboat and rowed out to a small island in
} the middle of the lake so he wouldn't get motion sickness rocking in
} that boat all day.
} Well, as you probably could guess, disaster struck. About twenty
} feet away from the island, the boat sprang two really big leaks and
} sank like a rock (I mean, he had a cooler full of beer and sandwiches
} in there!). The baker was able to drag himself and the cooler onto the
} island, but he knew the lake was far too big to swim back to the
} The baker realized he had to send up some sort of signal flares
} so the local rangers would know he was stranded, and decided he should
} build a bonfire on the island so they would know where he was. Since
} he didn't have a shovel to dig a pit to burn in, and he knew that he'd
} get fined for starting an uncontrolled fire no matter how much danger
} he was in, he would have to build a ring out of the many flat rocks
} that littered the island's shore.
} Everything went well until he tried to build it more than one
} stone high. The lake had been very populous that summer, what with all
} the Californians coming up to jet-ski, so all the rocks were covered
} with oil and slime.
} It looked hopeless for our hero baker, but then, as Fate would
} have it, a lone robin flew overhead, and decided it needed to poop
} right on top of one of the rocks on the fire ring. The baker had a
} silly notion that it might act like mortar on the slippery rocks, so he
} tried placing a rock on top of the recently befouled one. Miraculously
} enough, it worked like a charm. More miraculously yet, he noticed that
} the robin was one of many who were headed south for the winter, and in
} a matter of minutes, both he and the rocks were nicely coated with
} globs of bird poop.
} Half an hour later, the ring was built, the fire was lit, the
} signal flares went up, and our hero the baker was airlifted safely back
} to the mainland. After a quick shower, he drove home with the memories
} of the birds' fateful bathroom break still quite vivid in his mind. He
} knew he would want to tell all his friends and family about it, and
} being the artistic sort that he was, decided to recreate the whole
} adventure in baked goods. He made an island shaped cake with a
} pumpernickel beer cooler, and made the fire ring out of flat chocolate
} cookies iced together.
} Well, the party itself was kind of boring, but everyone raved
} over the iced-cookie fire ring. Being the astute businessman he was,
} our hero baker decided he should sell those cookies and icing on a
} regular basis, and furthermore, that they should be sold in a
} sandwich-looking manner, as an eternal reminder of his vacation
} adventures. Now all that was left was to give this new concoction a
} Our baker was really fond of acronyms, so he played around with
} some. Flat rock, bird poop, flat rock = FRBPFR. Hmmm. That wouldn't
} work, since there aren't any vowels in it. Flat rock, bird excreta,
} flat rock = FRBEFR. That at least had a vowel in it, but was kind of
} hard to say. Flat rock, robin excrement, flat rock = FRREFR. That was
} much better, but still sounded like something a drunk guy would yell.
} Then it hit him - instead of saying "flat rock", he should use a
} picture of the flat rock; an O.
} O + robin excrement + O = OreO. And the rest is history.
} Now, wasn't that a....hey! You! *kick* You listen when I'm
} talking to you! Jeez, only 30 and you doze like a geezer.
} You owe the Oracle a list of the top ten possible acronyms for