> O Great and Mighty Oracle, whose intelligence is beyond measure, whose
> knowledge is boundless, whose wrath toward B*ll G*t*s knows know limit,
> who is our one and only hope to ever be rid of those damn w**dch*cks,
> whose feet a pathetic supplicant such as myself is unworthy to lick,
> whose ZOT-ing is always judicious and fair, who never makes the coffee
> too strong or too weak, who always knows whodunnit, whose actions
> are the very definition of moral correctness, whose very being is
> a presence to blind all who see him, who could solve the world's
> problems in the blink of an eye (except that the world would be so
> boring then), who is capable of understanding Frank Zappa but happens
> to have more discriminating taste, who could effortlessly tune Big
> Ben's one note that's a half step flat, who already knows who will
> win the 1998 World Cup in France and the 2002 World Cup in Japan,
> who surely had a good reason for letting the Twins decide to leave
> Minnesota, who always has a pleasant odor about him which would make
> any cologne manufacturer millions if s/he could only reproduce it,
> who can conjugate irregular Italian verbs in the subjunctive, who could
> crack a 2048-bit PGP key in his head and read the encoded message from
> the screen, whose pencils are never dull and whose pens never run out
> of ink, who can visualize an arbitrary number of spatial dimensions
> (to say nothing of moving through them without needing Dramamine),
> who is capable of articulating the elusive quantum nature of gravity,
> in short, truly the Most Funky Being in the Universe....
> ...please deign to answer a small question for this humble and
> pathetic supplicant, who is a worm beneath your feet, who has the
> mental capacities of a slug, the social graces of a rabid hyena, and
> the entertainment value of a withered petunia. I am a bug in your
> code, a fly in your soup (as well as the annoying waiter who doesn't
> care), I am the gook between the keys of your keyboard, and the gunk
> that keeps your mouse from working correctly. I am the mold on your
> week-old cheese, the carbonation gone out of your carbonated beverages.
> O Great One, I cannot debase myself enough in your presence.
> Please, O Oracle, answer me this question:
> When will... wait a minute, no, he already did.
> Ummm....Why does... no, that's not it either.
> Uhhhhh.... Where did I... no, I found that. Hmmm.
> Darnit. After all that grovelling, I can't remember the question.
> Oh, well, sorry to have wasted your time.