} The Oracle presents:
} TOP TEN WAYS TO DO DAMAGE CONTROL ON BEING HIT IN THE FACE WITH CREAM
} 10) Nuke Belgium. (See how many people hit you with cream pies after
} 9) Claim it was a public-relations stunt instigated by yourself to
} show, "Hey, CEO's of powerful, ruthless multinationals are human, too."
} 8) Hire all of Madison Avenue to convince the public that being hit in
} the face with a cream pie is enjoyable/wrinkle-reducing/cure for
} cancer/fun for the whole family. Go down in history as a trend-setter.
} 7) Found the Society for the Survivors of Cream Pie Attacks. Paint
} yourself as the victim. (Frankly, The Oracle foresees this will not
} work. But The Oracle also foresees that He will get a few laughs out of
} it if you try.)
} 6) Run away and become a clown in the circus. After your fifteenth
} peformance and one hundred and twentieth pie in the face, no one will
} be downloading those movies anymore.
} 5) Refuse to press charges, claiming "They didn't hit me! They hit my
} evil twin brother!"
} 4) Declare that recent events have led you to believe that cream pies
} are the "technology of the future", and as such should be carefully
} regulated. Submit cream pies to an ISO committee. Gloat as the
} committee becomes deadlocked for the next century.
} 3) Buy the Internet out. (Whadyamean, you can't? What kind of
} small-time business man are you, anyways, if you can't buy out
} something as disorganized as the Internet?)
} 2) Announce that you are launching a competitor product to the
} Internet, BetweenWeb, which will not only have more bandwith and higher
} access speeds, but quicktime and MPEG files of you being hit in the
} face with Acme Exploding Banana Cream Pies. Let it be known that it
} will not be compatible with Internet, and that it will be available
} And the top way to do damage control:
} 1) Announce that, if the world is not going to treat you with respect,
} you are no longer to pussy-foot around with your campaign for world
} domination. Declare yourself a sovereign corporate nation. Hire
} mercenary armies, and convince the world to switch over to your
} products at gun-point. When every person in every nation is dependent
} on you for their entire existence, when you have eliminated every trace
} of competition, in a live broadcast, announce, "And you know what the
} worst part of it is? I LIKE BEING HIT IN THE FACE WITH CREAM PIES! I
} JUST CONQUERED YOU FOR THE FUN OF IT! *BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!*"
} You owe the Oracle a screensaver. Maybe a quicktime based one. Or MPEG.
} With cream pies.