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Internet Oracularities #993

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993, 993-01, 993-02, 993-03, 993-04, 993-05, 993-06, 993-07, 993-08, 993-09, 993-10


Internet Oracularities #993    (97 votes, 3.0 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Wed, 11 Mar 1998 00:10:36 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate,
send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject
line.

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this
message).  For example:
   993
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

993   97 votes advte 8kDka 6qDj7 hjmta bfnpn drzj3 hyte3 4lzv6 4rAka 8rAn3
993   3.0 mean  3.2   3.0   2.9   3.0   3.4   2.7   2.5   3.1   3.1   2.9


993-01    (advte dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: mchevalier@WELLESLEY.EDU

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear and wise oracle for which to find I travelled lots of kilograms!
>
> Please answer me this very simple question:
>
> Now that there's the posibillity of suitcase nukes being used by
> terrorists - which city is going to be the first to be nuked?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Either Atlanta or Denver, since, thanks to the airlines, that's where
} the suitcases are going to end up.
}
} You owe the Oracle 20,000 frequent flyer miles.


993-02    (8kDka dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Like, totally rad oracle.  Like you have like the most bodacious ass,
> like fer sure.  Totally.
>
> Like, I'm a Val, ya know, and, like, things are like gag me with a
> spoon down here.  Like I'm sure.  Like all the like surfer dudes like
> totally aren't like surfin' no more.  Fer sure, I mean, like, they all
> started like thrashin' on their gnarly snow boards, ya know.  So like
> all that's left like here on the like beach are these like totally
> gross me out like gag me with a spoon geeks and like there like isn't a
> tubular one of them.
>
> So, like, my problem is this, like I can't wear my like tonar bikini on
> the slope, 'cause it's like, I'm so sure, totally frigid up there, ya
> know.  But like there isn't like a single bodacious hunk like anywhere!
> Like, I understand, like Lisa's your like squeeze and all, but like, I
> kinda like heard like someone like reading one of these like question
> thingies from this like dude Og, and like, he sounds totally rad.  Fer
> sure.  Can you, like, see if Og like wants to like meet me?  Like
> please!  It's like totally perfect.  Fer sure.  Like I'm a blonde, and
> like, so I don't like read, and like use big words, but Og, I can get
> like totally everything he says.  Like totally totally.  It's like so
> awesome.  And like, he kills these like totally tubular tigers and
> stuff, so like, you gotta like know that he's buff.  And, like, he has
> the coolest way of like talking.  And, like you just like know he is
> totally cute.  Oh please Orrie!  Like fer sure I'd be so, like happy
> and all, you know.  Like totally.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Og here.  Og happy Val like Og, but Val look sick.  Val just hides on
} bones, like Ogwa-Ma, not strong and thick like Ogwa.
}
} Val get geeks to stop giving Val spoon; make geeks club deer.  Val
} eat, Val get fat, Og club geeks and Val and Og and Ogwa go live on
} San-ta Mo-ni-ca Bou-le-vard.  (All Og want do is have Og fun.)
}
} Val owe Og Bud.


993-03    (6qDj7 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> My darling Oracle, What lovely honeycakes you have.  I can't sleep at
> night thinking of your muffins.  Give me your sticky buns with Bavarian
> cream.  I want to bite your bundt cake.  I adore you...  Same time
> tomorrow?
>
> Love and kisses,
> your little fraulein,
> Gisela

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Gisela! I told you never to email me at work. I'll have the scones for
} you on Monday, but you must be discreet, else I'll never be able to
} bake for you again. It's hard enough keeping it a secret that I cook.
}
} You owe the Oracle a new baking sheet.


993-04    (hjmta dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Great Wonder of Delphi and Paragaon of Indiana, Superbly Wise and
> Gainfully Magnificent Oracle:
>
> What the heck... ?!!?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Og here. O-ra-kul take ho-li-day. Og a-gree help O-ra-kul. Og look note
} O-ra-kul. Og ask sup-li-kant what sup-li-kant ques-tion?
}
} > Erm, Oh Great Wonder of, erm, The Paleolithic Era, paragon of
} > Southern Spain, Europe, and the Middle East, even though it's likely
} > that there are still Neanderthal fossils to be found in large regions
} > of the world. Superbly, erm, hirstute and gainfully, erm, armed with
} > 'Big Spiky Club' Og, erm...
} >
} > Oh great Og, erm, how can I get laid?
}
} Og not know word 'laid'. Og re-mem-ber O-ra-kul say dic-tion-ary. Og
} see en-try. Og know an-swer.
}
} Og say sup-li-kant re-move li-no floor. Spread glue sup-li-kant, lie
} floor. Sup-li-kant laid. Og say 'next'.
}
} > Oh wise Oracle, to whom I am like a speck of fly-dirt left on the
} > back of a smelly warthog, please spare one millionth of one millionth
} > of ....... erm, am I in the wrong room?
}
} O-ra-kul a-way two week South France. Og here. Og help sup-li-kant.
} Og want know sup-li-kant ques-tion.
}
} > Oh wise Og, to whom I am like a, erm, less hairy and with a bigger
} > chin version of, erm, Og, please spare, erm, probably many times your
} > intellectual effort for your entire life and answer my question.
} >
} > Og, I'm a musician. How can I become a big star?
}
} Og think. Og think many hour. Og re-mem-ber O-ra-kul say thing, look
} en-clyo-c en-cy en-clyop big book. Og look big book, see 'star'.
}
} Og say star much burn. Og think sup-li-kant want become star, must set
} fire sup-li-kant. Sup-li-kant much burn, much hot, sup-li-kant nu-clear
} fu-sion, much hot, be-come big star. Og say 'next'.
}
} > Oracle, may I shuffle in on my knees, scraping my head on the floor
} > to show my great respect for thy most honoured presence, Oracle, thou
} > whose very nerves in thy big toe have more processing power than the
} > entire of Einstein's brain, thou whom..... erm, Og?
}
} Og here. Og say, ask ques-tion.
}
} > Oh, erm, Og, may I walk in upright, not, erm, dragging my knuckles on
} > the ground to show, erm, something, and see great, erm, Og who has
} > more, erm blisters on thy feet than Einstein had on his, erm,
} > eyelids, please hear this question from this most, erm, advanced
} > supplicant not even worthy of, well, worthy of a number of things I
} > suppose.
} >
} > Og, I was going to ask how The Oracle met Lisa, but now I feel that
} > I should ask you how you met Ogwa.
}
} Og re-mem-ber. Og leave cave. Og smell strange smell. Og think, dead
} mammoth near. Og think, hur-ry, get meat before eat hy-ena. Og run, not
} find dead mammoth, find wo-man. Find Ogwa. Og bite. Ogwa alive, scream.
} Live Ogwa, much tough, not bite, hurt teeth. Og think. Og think many
} hour. Og think, take Ogwa cave, maybe Ogwa be-come soft. Og wait much
} time, Ogwa not be soft. Ogwa tear meat mammoth bare hand. Ogwa kill
} warthog en-ter cave. Og think Ogwa much use. Ogwa all wo-man. Ogwa
} 'hard'. Og love Ogwa, not eat. Og say 'next'.
}
} > Doooooooood. Dooooood. Dooooood.
} >
} > Hey Doood. Dooood!!!!!!
} >
} >----------------------------------------------------------------------
} >You don't have to do anything to get free email. We're giving away
} >email accounts free in exchange for three Hostess Twinkie Wrappers.
} >We'll put free email accounts in your breakfast cereal box. We'll
} >sell our grandmothers into slavery if you'll just use our free
} >email server. Please, please, please use our free email server.
}
} Og not 'doooood' now. Og 'doooood' be-fore sit O-ra-kul throne.
} O-ra-kul say Og doo doo throne, O-ra-kul much ZOT Og. Og scare ZOT. Og
} dooood gar-den out-side pal-ace. Og say 'next'.
}
} > The Oracle has no questions to ask.
}
} Og not see sup-li-kant. Og won-der what do next. Og think. Og think,
} fu-ture much good a-ni-mal skin. Og go search a-ni-mal skin Saks
} Many Avenue shop.
}
} You owe The Oracle a recently dead mammoth carcass and a direction to
} the nearest natural deposit of flint.


993-05    (bfnpn dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> (There is a knock on the door, ABBY and MARTHA, two sweet, charming old
> ladies, answer the door.  ZADOC, a shabby, disheveled high priest of
> The Internet Oracle, stands outside.)
>
> Abby:  How do you do.
>
> Zadoc:  I understand you have a room to rent.
>
> Abby:  Of course, I'm Miss Brewster, and this is my sister, another
> Miss Brewster.
>
> Martha:  Hello.
>
> Zadoc:  My name is Zadoc.
>
> Abby:  Come in Mr. Zadoc.  (ZADOC enters)  Sit down, we want to get to
> know you.
>
> Zadoc:  That won't matter, if I don't like the room.
>
> Martha:  Are your family Brooklyn people?
>
> Zadoc:  I haven't got a family; I live with an Oracle, don't like it.
>
> Abby:  All alone in the world?
>
> (ABBY and MARTHA exchange a look.  MARTHA goes to the sideboard, and
> takes out a bottle of wine, and a glass.)
>
> Zadoc:  Well-
>
> Abby:  Mr. Zadoc, why don't you try a glass of our wine?
>
> Zadoc:  Never touch it, after this episode in Mexico...  The room?
>
> (Enter TEDDY from the cellar,  TEDDY is a large man, who bears an
> uncanny resemblance to Theodore Roosevelt.)
>
> Teddy:  I've just finished digging the new locks for the Canal, so,
> Aunt Martha, Aunt Abby, if you don't mind, I'll retire.
>
> Martha:  Thank you, Teddy.
>
> Teddy: (As he approaches the landing at the top of the stairs)
> CHARGE!!!
>
> Zadoc:  Who was that?
>
> Martha:  One of our nephews, he thinks he's President Roosevelt.
>
> Zadoc:  I see, and the reason he...
>
> Abby:  The stairs are always San Juan Hill.  Are you sure about the
> wine? It's elderberry wine.  We make it ourselves.
>
> Zadoc:  Elderberry wine?  I haven't had elderberry wine since I was a
> boy.
>
> (ZADOC takes the offered glass, and raises it to his lips...

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} ... then stops and observes the glass suspiciously.)
}
} Zadoc:  Wait a second, this wine has an unusual scent.
}
} Abby:  (laughing nervously) Why, Mr. Zadoc, I assure you it's just
} ordinary elderberry wine!
}
} Zadoc:  (waving the glass slowly under his nose) Amusing, but with a
} musky bouquet ... strong fruity ambience ... with a slight undertone of
} ... aspen wood.
}
} Martha:  Oh, my, a true wine connoiseur!
}
} (Zadoc rises and moves to the window, holding the wine up to the
} sunlight.)
}
} Zadoc:  Yes ... a most oblique body and cocquettish flow ... a rich
} melodic hue with a light leafy character.
}
} Abby:  How exciting!  You must taste it now, Mr. Zadoc!
}
} Zadoc:  Of course.
}
} (Zadoc briskly raises the glass to his lips again and swishes the wine
} around his mouth, swallows it, then drains the glass.)
}
} Zadoc:  How delicious!
}
} (Zadoc immediately crumples into the window seat, lifeless.)
}
} Abby:  (in a strangely gruff, high-pitched voice) All right, let's drag
} his sorry butt out of here.
}
} Martha:  (in a similar voice) Hold on!  We need to get his terminal
} ready first.
}
} Abby:  Fine, let's just hurry.
}
} (The two elderly ladies open the basement door and scurry downstairs.
} As they vanish from sight, the front door opens, and the handsome,
} dashing INTERNET ORACLE enters.)
}
} Oracle:  Abby!  Martha!  It is I, your nephew, Orrie!
}
} (Silence.)
}
} Oracle:  Hello?  Martha?  Abby?
}
} (The Oracle enters the room, looks around, and sees Zadoc's body
} sprawled out in the window seat.)
}
} Oracle:  Great Scott!  It's Zadoc!  And he's ...
}
} (Abby and Martha return from the basement, huffing and puffing.)
}
} Martha:  Oh, hello, dear!
}
} Oracle:  Abby!  Martha!  There's a dead man in your house!
}
} Abby:  Yes, dear, we know ... Forget you ever saw the gentleman.  We
} never dreamed you'd peek!
}
} Oracle:  That's no gentleman, that's my high priest, Zadoc!
}
} Martha:  (beginning to shake profusely) Why, Orrie, dear, do you know
} this man?  He said the only person he knew was an Oracle.
}
} Oracle:  All right, aunts, I must tell you.  I, the one you know as
} your sweet young nephew Orrie, am in reality The Internet Oracle.  And
} this man, Zadoc, is my high priest.
}
} Abby:  (in a hoarse, choked whisper to Martha) You incredible
} blockhead!  I thought you checked this place out!
}
} Oracle:  What?
}
} Abby:  Nothing!  Well, Orrie, you've caught us!  Ha ha!  We, uh ... we
} do this as a charitable act!  Yeah, that's the ticket!  Charitable!
}
} Martha:  Yeah!  Ha ha!  We find these pathetic loser types and make
} them drink our homemade elderberry wine, which we've laced with --
}
} Abby:  Arsenic!
}
} Martha:  Arsenic?
}
} Abby:  (with a swift elbow to Martha's ribs) Yes, arsenic!  Ha ha!  We
} kill them to put them out of their misery, then we give them a decent
} burial.
}
} Martha:  In the basement.
}
} (Abby decks Martha with a hard right.)
}
} Oracle:  The basement?
}
} Abby:  Um, yes, Teddy helps us ... dig graves!  We tell him it's the
} Panama canal.
}
} Oracle:  You kill innocent people and bury them in your basement?
}
} Martha:  Don't forget, they're pathetic losers.
}
} Oracle:  (glancing at Zadoc's body) Well, I'll give you that one ...
}
} Abby:  So you can see that everything's really okay, you can just run
} along, and we'll take care of your friend Zadoc here.  Goodbye.
}
} Oracle:  (staring at the open basement door) What's that clicking
} sound?
}
} Martha:  There's no clicking sound.
}
} Abby:  You don't hear a clicking sound.
}
} Martha:  It's probably my stomach.
}
} (The Oracle moves to the basement door and peers down.)
}
} Oracle:  No, I hear clicking, and ... and that was a modem!
}
} Martha:  Cockroaches!
}
} Abby:  Mice!
}
} (The Oracle starts down the basement stairs.)
}
} Martha:  No!  You can't go down there!
}
} (Martha and Abby grab the Oracle's sleeves, but the Oracle shakes them
} off and marches down the stairs.  Suddenly he sees a dimly lit hall
} with tiny cubicles dug out of the floor.  Row after row of pale,
} zombie-like people sit staring into monochrome monitors, typing
} endlessly on dirty keyboards. Aghast at the sight, the Oracle moves
} closer to see what they are typing.)
}
} Zombie 1:  How much wood would a --
}
} Oracle:  No!
}
} Zombie 2:  woodchuck chuck if a --
}
} Oracle:  It can't be!
}
} Zombie 3:  woodchuck could chuck wood?
}
} Oracle:  No!  The horror!
}
} (The Oracle runs from the basement screaming in terror.)
}
} Oracle:  I can't believe it!  My own family!  My aunts!  Responsible
} for the unending torrent of w**dchuck questions!
}
} Martha:  Oh no!  He knows it all now!
}
} Abby:  (with a cruel sneer) Get a grip, you simp.  Oracle!  You want
} the truth?  Here's the truth!  We lure losers here, and we give them
} elderberry wine.  But it's not laced with arsenic.  It's laced with
} aspen wood!  We drug them and make them our slaves!  Night and day they
} toil!  We sign each one up with an ISP (You don't need to buy Internet
} access to use free Internet e-mail.  Get completely free e-mail from
} Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866])
} and they send woodchuck question after woodchuck question until they
} die!  Ha ha ha ha ha!
}
} Oracle:  (sobbing) My relatives, my own relatives ... Inanity runs in
} my family!  It practically gallops!
}
} Martha:  But we're not your aunts.
}
} Oracle:  What?
}
} Abby:  Shut up, "Martha".
}
} Oracle:  What did you say?
}
} Martha:  (shaking again) Nothing.
}
} Oracle:  You said you're not my aunts!
}
} (The Oracle walks menacingly toward the two old ladies.)
}
} Abby:  Get back!
}
} (The Oracle lunges and grabs them by the hair.  Suddenly their masks
} fly off, revealing the two not to be Orrie's aunts Abby and Martha, but
} two giant whimpering R.O.U.S. gang members [* See Ish #988-06 - Ed.])
}
} Oracle:  Marmots!
}
} Abby:  All right, all right, now you know everything.  We ditched the
} old ladies and took over their operation.  So sue us!
}
} Oracle:  (in calm, measured tones) Lawsuits won't be necessary, boys.
} In fact, you won't need any kind of suit at all!
}
} (sfx: Much screaming, zotting, and bloodshed ensues.  The R.O.U.S. are
} zotted soundly, as are all the pitiful zombies in the basement.)
}
} Oracle:  (running out the front door, and calling for Lisa)  Lisa!
} Lisa, darling, can you hear me?  I'm not the son of a w**dchuck!  And
} moreoveor, I've permanently solved the problems of w**dchuck questions,
} Juno incarnations, and inanity!
}
} (As the Oracle leaves, Zadoc awakes and rubs his eyes.)
}
} Zadoc:  I forgot what a hangover I get from elderberry wine.  I need to
} I need to go toss a two by four.
}
} ... You owe the Oracle a starring (and victorious) role in "Aspenwood
} and Old Lace II:  The Final Conflict".


993-06    (drzj3 dist, 2.7 mean)
Selected-By: clemenr@westminster.ac.uk (Ross Clement)

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh, non-bowl crowned One!
>
> Why do people pay money to have their hair cut when
> it is so easy to do it oneself?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}      Some of us just aren't as skilled at cutting our own hair as you,
} Mr. Savales.
}
} You owe the Oracle a lollipop, a collection of Kojak episodes, and a
} Diner's Club card.


993-07    (hyte3 dist, 2.5 mean)
Selected-By: mchevalier@WELLESLEY.EDU

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle you're great. Really. Now on with the question.
>
> It's courtney. She's great, she's wonderful. But it's the way she
> looks, the way she acts. It's like she doesn't know anyone feels that
> way about her. If only there was some way I could just tell her,
> without the disasterous reprocussions I know it would have. Please help
> me.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Supplicant, you are nothing. Really. Now on with the answer.
}
} It's you. You are boring, you are stupid. But it's always the same
} with questions like this. They are frequently asked. ('Oracle, how
} can I make the girl go out with me?', 'Oracle, how can I get the
} girl to fall in love with me?', ...) If only there was some way you
} supplicants could realize that it is so easy. Talk to her and ask her.
} If she says no, go away. If she says yes, be happy.
}
} You owe the oracle a less used question.


993-08    (4lzv6 dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Darkmage <DAVIS@wehi.edu.au>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> You that never needs to stop and ask for directions and are thus
> nine-hundred off-ramps ahead of us mortals, could you tell me
> please:
>
> As far as I can tell the only thing Christopher Columbus and
> Amelia Earhart did of note was get hopelessly lost. Are there
> any other noteworthy examples of this known to you?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Sorry to disillusion you, supplicant, but the easier question to answer
} is, "Is there anybody, anybody at all, who didn't get famous while
} *not* hopelessly lost?"
}
} Julius Caesar conquered Gaul in a fit of irritation after a wrong turn
} in Macedonia caused him to miss his reservations in Carthage. Hannibal
} may have crossed the Alps, but he was trying to get over the
} Mediterrenean. Newton discovered gravity after he walked into an apple
} tree while stumbling around in the dark. Every member of every royal
} family in the past four hundred years has been lost due to severe
} inbreeding. Crick and Watson claim to have gotten the idea that DNA was
} a double helix from a sprial staircase; which is true, but they're
} skipping over the four hours they spent walking up and down it trying
} to find the journal section of the library. Ronald Reagan -- well, put
} it this way: Reagan's probably not going to be buried in his own grave.
}
} In fact, there has been only one person of any note in history who was
} not lost. And all Mercator did was invent the map.
}
} You owe the Oracle a map.


993-09    (4rAka dist, 3.1 mean)
Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmcgee@wiley.csusb.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle, whose fore-sight is pristine and unclouded,
> I have a question for you.
>
> As this century draws to a close, could you please tell me
> what you see as the ten most amazing events to occur in the
> -next- century will be?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} February 14, 2011 Elvis kicks come-back tour.  (get your tix early)
}
} October 9, 2304  WWIII - U.S. Declares no fly zone for Mexican planes
} attacking Canada.  Mexico retaliates by bombing Los Angeles, however
} noone notices after the Great Flee of 2246 when the Macarena came back
} into vogue at West Coast weddings.
}
} April 7, 2450  I. Oracle (and Lisa) decide to select a different of one
} of the seven available genders, traveling to Gardon 4 so that the
} surgery can be performed and Zot staff recharged.
}
} May 11, 2560  First time in recorded history a whole day will pass
} without a WOODCHUCK question.
}
} Oracle 4, 2600 Oracle declares that the Month of June will now be
} called Oracle.
}
} March 7, 2601  Woodchucks will be placed on the endangered species list
} and then removed as protections for the annoying creatures are not
} enforced for some reason thus making them extinct.
}
} November 11, 2795  MS world domination plot complete, tragicly though
} Bill Gates head (In a cryogenic state for almost 600 years) becomes
} thawed and rots when Windows 2795 crashes disabling freezing mechanism.
}
} January 12, 2803 Lisa will finally drop those 10lbs from her hips and
} therefore quit asking me if her butt looks fat.
}
} Oracle 14, 2862  United Nations finally passes world-wide declaration
} declaring Esperanto a stupid idea in the first place.
}
} February 27, 2904  U.S. finally adopts the Metric System
}
} There you have it, the ten most amazing things coming in the next
} Millenium. You owe the Oracle a pair of tickets to the Elvis concert,
} printed in Esperanto, with the seats 2 meters from the stage, next to
} Bill Gates head, and a tub of fat free popcorn for Lisa.


993-10    (8rAn3 dist, 2.9 mean)
Selected-By: Otis Viles <cierhart@ic.net>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} To answer your question, let's take a look at the archives, shall we?
}
} ----Begin extract from Internet Oracularities Digest #2----
}
} > Og crawl on ground like snail!  Og lick dirt!  Og bash big rock on
} > fingers!  Og tie raw antelope haunch on back, run through wolf
} > terr-i-to-ry!  Og throw little rock at bear!  Og--
}
} All right, all right already!  Boy, you must really want My attention
} or something.  I haven't seen this much grovelling in a while.  What's
} up?
}
} > Or-acle great!  Or-acle smart!  Or-acle good!  Or-acle help Og many
} > time!
}
} True, true, true, and true.  Or-acle also very busy just now, so if you
} wouldn't mind getting to the point...
}
} > Og got point!  Og got pointy rock!  Og make pointy rock, hit with
} > other rock till get pointy.  Og tie rock to stick, make spe-ar.  Og
} > go hunt with spe-ar, kill many antelope.  Og happy.  Og bring many
} > antelope to cave.  Ogwa not so happy, got cut up many antelope.  Then
} > Oglings all get eat big dinner, Oglings happy, stop cry, sleep.  Now
} > Ogwa happy. All happy.  Og want make pic-ture, hunt with spe-ar, kill
} > many antelope.
}
} Well, in order to represent the scope of the antelope hunt, I recommend
} that you use the modified isometric perspective of the Lascaux style.
} Red and yellow ochre for the highlights, and you'll probably want to
} favor broad, sweeping strokes to represent the general fluid motion,
} leaving the finer details to be inferred by the viewer.
}
} > That not problem!  Og know that!  Og got es-the-tics.  Og problem, Og
} > cave too small.  North wall got pic-ture, Og hit bear with spikey
} > club. South wall got pic-ture, Og hit snake with spikey club.  West
} > wall got pic-ture, Og hit big lizard with spikey club.  Og got no
} > more walls!
}
} Hmm.  I see.  (Of course I do; I am all-seeing, after all.) Discounting
} the obvious solution of finding a new and larger cave to move into,
} what you need is some extra walls.  Make another pointy rock, but this
} time make it a longer, flatter blade with a broad cutting edge.  Use
} this to cut down a big tree, then cut a flat smooth board from the
} tree.  Take it home and prop it up somewhere, and you've got an extra
} wall to draw on.
}
} You owe the Oracle a framed original, for My colletion.
}
} ----End extract----
}
} So, as you can see, lowly supplicant, before they invented drawing
} boards, people went back to the Oracle.
}
} You owe the Oracle one year's premium for the insurance on My
} collection of original art.


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