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Internet Oracularities #997

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Internet Oracularities #997    (84 votes, 3.1 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Mon, 23 Mar 1998 00:10:33 -0500 (EST)

To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate,
send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject
line.

Let us know what you like!  Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this
message).  For example:
   997
   2 1 3 4 3   5 3 3 4 1

997   84 votes a7dmw 7dkvd fope6 awqd3 6iur3 6cyp7 fpu77 69iwj 7iyk5 bjmjd
997   3.1 mean  3.7   3.4   2.7   2.6   3.0   3.2   2.6   3.6   3.0   3.0


997-01    (a7dmw dist, 3.7 mean)
Selected-By: "Michael A. Atkinson" <m-atkinson@nwu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Captain's Log, Stardate 54324.5:  Starfleet Command has directed the
> Enterprise to do a preliminary exploration of planet M22 in advance of
> a full research team.  Scanners report the atmosphere to be breathable,
> but are recieving confusing readings with regard to life forms.  I am
> beaming down with a landing party composed of all our chief officers
> except for poor Scotty.
>
> Supplement:  Redshirt Riley has received a head injury, apparently
> while exploring under a high rock shelf.  He reports only hearing a
> loud sound and jumping before being struck.  After examination by Dr.
> McCoy he has been judged capable of continuing duty.
>
> Supplement:  We have encountered an alien creature on this planet.
> While it does not itself seem menacing, a unfortunate occurance took
> place when it was present.  Specifically, on my orders Lt. Sulu
> withdrew his phaser.  The creature disappeared leaving a puff of smoke,
> immediately following which a loud noise was heard next to Sulu.  Sulu
> fired, hitting Ens. Chekov.  Oddly enough, although Sulu's weapon was
> set to stun, Chekov was also covered with a black powder similar to
> soot.  Mr. Chekov has been sent back to the ship for examination and
> quarantine.
>
> Stardate 54326.2, Mr. Spock reporting:  Tricorder readings indicate
> that the creature we encountered earlier is constantly moving at great
> speed over the surface of the planet.  We have encountered the creature
> once again.  In an attempt to slow the creature for study, I attempted
> to fire on it.  The creature, however, appeared to move faster than the
> phaser beam.  Regretfully, the beam struck an outcropping of rock above
> the Captain's head, causing it to break off and fall.  Although it
> appears that several tons of rock fell squarely on the Captain, he was
> driven straight into the ground but apparently not seriously injured,
> though stunned.  The Captain has been beamed up to Sickbay, leaving me
> in command of the research party.
>
> Captain's Log, Stardate 54342.1:  The creature is still at large on the
> planet surface.  While Mr. Spock continues to lead a research party I
> am currently at work with Mr. Scott on an Acme Pressure Cooker for our
> lab, for when the creature is finally apprehended.
>
> Captain's Log, stardate 54342.3.  The strange occurences that have
> dogged the landing party since our arrival at this planet have led me
> to believe that the creature is in some way directly responsible for
> them. Mr. Chekov and I have both been declared fit for return to duty,
> though Dr. McCoy has entered in his medical log that he feels we should
> be kept under observation.  Mr. Spock has constructed a device which he
> suspects should be able to counteract the creature's incredible speed
> as follows: We have placed a dish of birdseed out in the open, with
> several signs pointing to it.  The dish is atop a cleverly concealed
> trap door, which will open when any weight falls on it.  The creature
> will then travel a slide, eventually being deposited in a cage
> constructed of sheets of transparent aluminum.  We will then be free to
> analyze it at our leisure.  Meanwhile, I have forbidden all beaming
> down to the surface of the planet except on my or Mr. Spock's direct
> order.
>
> Captain's Log, supplemental.  The plan failed.  The creature was indeed
> lured by the birdseed, as expected.  It sped to the dish, consumed the
> bait, and sped off without setting off the trap.  Mr. Spock is as
> puzzled as I, and has begun tests to discover the flaw in the design.
> I have sent out three search parties to see if we can box the creature
> in, one headed by Mr. Sulu, one by Mr. Chekov, and one by Sociologist
> Xontel.
>
> Captain's Log, stardate 54342.8.  Sociologist Xontel has been
> temporarily incapacitated.  In pursuing the creature, he and his men
> somehow managed to cross the place where Mr. Spock's trap was set just
> as he completed the corrections to it.  The trap was sprung, and all
> four of my men were suspended for a moment in mid-air, puzzled, just
> before they fell into the cage we constructed.  We are now trying to
> release them with phasers, as the lock was inadvertently smashed by the
> impact from Sociologist Xontel's foot as he fell.  I consider this a
> major setback.  Mr. Spock considers it "fascinating."
>
> Captain's Log, stardate 54343.4.  In an all-out attempt to stop the
> creature once and for all, I have had a phaser rifle beamed down from
> the Enterprise.  The creature has behaved in an extremely cunning
> manner, yet I am unsure whether this is a sign of actual intelligence.
> Lt. Uhura has been unsuccessful in her attempts to raise Starfleet
> Command.  Meanwhile, Mr. Scott informs me that our dilithium crystals
> are deteriorating at an alarming rate.  He has juryrigged a system that
> will prevent the decay for a time, but it is imperative that we find
> new crystals soon.
>
> Captain's Log, supplemental.  Mr. Sulu reports high energy tricorder
> readings from an area of the planet in which the creature has not yet
> been sighted.  He has taken a small party, including Mr. Spock, to the
> high-elevation spot from which the readings emanate.  I have begun to
> analyze the creature's movements.  It seems to travel consistently over
> a set path.  Perhaps we can corner it in a tunnel it seems to pass
> through frequently.
>
> Captain's Log, stardate 54344.7.  Mr. Sulu has located a cache of ACME
> dilithium crystals atop a high cliff.  Regretfully, while collecting
> them, the edge of the cliff broke off, and he and Mr. Spock plummetted
> several hundred feet to the ground below.  Strangely enough, they both
> survived the fall with no more than raising a cloud of dust on impact,
> although they did pass the chunk of rock on the way down and end up
> completely buried.  A rescue excavation has commenced, and they should
> be safe shortly.
>
> Captain's Log, stardate 54344.9.  Mr. Spock has beamed up to the ship
> with them to assist Mr. Scott in their installation, as he forsees
> compatability problems.  Back on the planet's surface, Mr. Chekov led
> seven men into the tunnel in an attempt to capture the creature in
> transit.  A loud BEEP, BEEP was heard, and Chekov aimed the phaser
> rifle and commanded his men to spread out.  I wish to state for the
> record that I would have acted similarly, and that Ensign Chekov should
> in no way be held responsible for the unfortunate circumstances arising
> from the unexpected appearance of an old Earth-style freight train.  He
> has been beamed back up to the ship with minor injuries.
>
> Captain's Log, stardate 54345.1.  Dr. McCoy has beamed down with a hypo
> containing a mixture of kyranide, tri-ox compound, Scalosian
> concentrate, a theragram derivative, and some other items he found in
> unmarked containers in Sickbay.  By injecting a small amount into each
> member of the landing party, I hope to be able to deal with the
> creature on its own high speed terms.
>
> Captain's Log, supplemental.  The latest experiment to deal with the
> strange creature has failed.  As Dr. McCoy was injecting a measured
> dose of the compound, it abruptly appeared behind him and uttered a
> loud BEEP, BEEP!  Dr. McCoy, understandably flustered, accidentally
> pressured in the entire contents of the hypo into his arm.  A full
> security team is in pursuit of him, waiting for the effects of the drug
> to wear off.
>
> Captain's Log, stardate 54345.2.  I have ordered the landing party
> transported back to the ship.  The new dilithium crystals have been
> successfully installed.  On my responsibility, the ship is preparing to
> engage main phasers to attack the creature, which continues on its
> semi-erratic course across the planet's surface.
>
> Captain's Log, supplemental.  This is a warning to all other starships
> that may pass this way.  Do not approach this planet!  The illogical
> events occuring here are too much to overcome with simple science.  If
> you have heard the events transcribed in the rest of this log, you will
> learn that this creature is nearly undefeatable.  We channelled full
> ship's power through the phaser banks.  Theoretically, the creature
> should have been destroyed; however, the energies were too much strain
> for the ACME crystals.  The full force of the phasers backlashed over
> the Enterprise, engulfing her completely.  At first, the only
> noticeable effect was a complete failure of all systems save emergency
> gravity and life support.  Then a web of black lines spread through the
> Enterprise's superstructure.  Next, the ship began breaking up, piece
> by piece, falling through the atmosphere to land on the surface of the
> planet. When the ship had collapsed entirely, my crew was left hanging
> in space for a short time, and finally each of us began to fall to the
> planet below.  We have no theories on how any of us survived, but every
> crewmember has reported nothing more than a sense of uneasiness,
> followed by the realization that they were several hundred miles up in
> the air, a sinking sensation, and then a gradual drop:  first the feet,
> then the body, and finally the head, usually wearing a resigned
> expression of perplexion.  We are attempting now to communicate with
> the creature in the hopes that it will prove intelligent.  Perhaps we
> can communicate our peaceful intentions to it.  Mr. Spock has
> constructed a crude rocket launcher from the wreckage of the ship, and
> with this we hope to send the recorder marker up into space, where
> hopefully someone will find it.  Captain James T. Kirk, of the United
> Federation of Planets, Captain of the Starship Enterprise, recording.
>
> _____________________________________________________________________
> You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
> Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
> Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} WOW! What a story! Is it true? Can I really get free e-mail?


997-02    (7dkvd dist, 3.4 mean)
Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmcgee@wiley.csusb.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Admit it, your the devil, aren't you?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No, just a mail daemon.


997-03    (fope6 dist, 2.7 mean)
Selected-By: "Julsy" <avedon@usa.net>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> The Internet Pathetical is pondering your question.
>
> Expect an unfunny one line answer with a free email server signature
> attached in a day or two.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hohohohoho, it's MUUUUCH worse than you think...
} ______________________________________________________
} Grope Your Privates, Flee Email at http://www.sotmail.com


997-04    (awqd3 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: "Julsy" <avedon@usa.net>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle whose wonderfulness is surpassed by none, whose features
> are finely chiseled like a fine sculpture, and whose mirrors gleam
> with His image, even when the glorious beauty Lisa chooses to throw
> something at them in anger, with her fine delicate hand, attached
> to her svelte yet muscular arm, connected to her luxurious shoulder,
> which is located near her exquisite hair....uh....er....
>
> (fidgeting)
>
> Oh fantabulous Oracle, who makes women swoon with undying affection,
> but whose heart is captured and captivated by the endlessly
> trance-inducing Lisa, whose eyes shine like the sun but whose tender
> flesh one yearns to....uh....
>
> (cough cough)
>
> Oracle most great, most spifferific and totally super omniscient,
> whose extraordinary stupendousness is unsurpassed by none, and whose
> knowledge knows no bounds, like the fair Lisa's beauty knows no
> bounds, and how her pretty skin glows through the window panes in
> her dressing room....(gulp)
>
> Oh Oracle, please answer my plea:
>
> What was the man caught stalking Steven Spielburg planning to do
> with him and his family? What is the significance of the fact that
> he carried handcuffs and razor blades and chloroform in his car?
>
> ~ most humble supplicant

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ah, young supplicant, your adulation shows great promise.  In fact,
} you might even be able to contend for the priesthood.  I can visualise
} you there, standing aloft in your chamber/dungeon, your hair a-flow...
} your smile a-gleam... your soft robe swaying with the movement of
} your supple body...
}
} Ahem.  Well, anyway, in order to apply for the opening, simply send
} an form #16621.3/A.3 to my divine residence;  do so by ordering
} the form first, writing a letter... with those slender, dexterious,
} agile fingers... those that follow up to your strong arms...  your
} coruscating eyes becoming me forth...
}
} Frbzzt.  In any event, order form #00392/M.D.CRANIUM/B1FF.  You will
} have to undergo a few tests, several for physical fortitude and
} a plethora to test for the ill mentality required by our priests.
} Don't you worry about those physical exams!  You'll do just fine.  Why,
} I can imagine you running the fields, the judge metering your speed,
} your ample, err... brains jugging, bouncing, up and down.  Hmm....
}
} Darn!
}
} <Shouting to the other chamber>: Yes Lisa!  I'm just writing some
} email to another knowledge-craving supplicant.  I'll be right with you!
}
} <Flurry of typing continues>: Listen, supplicant.  (Or, erm, may
} I call you 'suppy').  I have to go now.  As for your question, the
} answer revolves around one of the payments some other unfortunate
} supplicant had to appease me with, though I cannot elaborate, for
} fear of superfluous police investigations.  No, I didn't plan to
} harm Spielberg.
}
} Umm, well just a little.
}
} Well, maybe more than a little.  But anyho...
}
} <From the other chamber>: Orrie!  C'mon, I'm ready!
}
} <NO CARRIER>
}
} You owe the Oracle a new... err, priest.  And Bacon.  And Steven
} Spielberg, after that mishap of an attempt.


997-05    (6iur3 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: David Sewell <dsew@packrat.aml.arizona.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Which came first, the Chicken McNugget or the Egg McMuffin?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Actually, first came the McDoubleHelix. Millions of years later
} a mass of McChemicals formed a cell wall, and a McBlueGreenAlgae was
} formed. Later on, at some point in evolution, several of these
} McBacteria formed themselves into a cooperate unit, the McEukaryote.
} McPlants and and McAnimals followed, and produced the whole sorry
} McMess that we have McToday.
}
} You owe The McOracle a McDoubleWoodchuck 'n wood burger.


997-06    (6cyp7 dist, 3.2 mean)
Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" <fungaroc@gusun.georgetown.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh, most wise Oracle, whose fashion sense is incomparable...
>
> Why do hip hoppers think it is cool to wear their trousers and caps
> backwards?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} A good question, supplicant.  The reason Hip-Hop fans wear various
} articles of clothing backwards is in honour of one of the earliest and
} most influential rappers of all time--MC Escher.
}
} It is well known in musicological circles that Hip-hop has been around
} for centuries and has only recently come to light as a popular musical
} form.  Indeed, some scholars theorize that Shakespear's early plays
} were in fact "Rap Operas".  Of course, the audiences of the time
} didn't get into it so he rewrote everything in iambic pentameter.  And
} eyewitness reports from the first performance of Beethoven's Ninth
} Symphony hint at the existance of a rap solo in the middle of the
} last movement.
}
} And so, into this world came MC Escher, a genius before his time.  He
} composed and performed such influential songs as "U Can't Sketch
} This" and "Don't Grab my Pencil".  Alas, as happens to such as he, his
} audiences jeered him and shouted "sing the words" whenever he
} performed.  Eventually, alone and spurned by the world, he went mad
} and was committed to an asylum after an unsuccessful suicide attempt
} involving a dead fish and a number of elastic bands.
}
} His story would have ended there, tragically, were it not for a kindly
} psychologist who encouraged him to take up sketching as a form of
} artistic expression.  This therapy cured him--although he would always
} have trouble drawing things that could actually exist in
} three-dimensional space--and made him famous.  Eventually, he forgot
} about music entirely.
}
} Indeed, his entire musical career would have been forgotten were it
} not for a wax cylinder recording of one of his concerts that turned up
} in the early seventies.  Bootlegged tapes of this recording made their
} way through the hip-hop underground until practically everybody had
} heard it.  Hip-hop, shaken from the rut it had been in for the last
} century or so, progressed in new directions.  Eventually, some rappers
} became famous and so, in honour of the man who influenced them all
} before becoming twisted inside, they wore their hats, trousers, shirts
} or even shoes backwards.
}
} The fans, of course, just do it because their favourite rappers do it.
}
} You owe the Oracle a detailed musicological analysis of eighteenth
} century industrial music.


997-07    (fpu77 dist, 2.6 mean)
Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" <fungaroc@gusun.georgetown.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh dogmatic and catatonic Oracle,
>
> Is smoking _really_ bad for me?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}   $
}   |
} 8^V
}
} 75 things that are really bad for you
}
} 1  Dental floss (Surprise!)
} 2  Crossing the street
} 3  Cows
} 3  Repeating numbers in a list
} 4  Grease (see #21)
} 5  Crossing the Mafia
} 6  Milk (cows again)
} 7  Internal combustion
} 8  Spontaneous combustion
} 9  High stress
} 10 Drugs
} 11 Alcohol
} 12 Being trampled (more cows)
} 13 Eggs
} 14 Chicken
} 15 Bean sprouts (see #35)
} 16 High voltage
} 17 Deforestation (cow farmers)
} 18 Reading too many lists
} 19 Creating too many lists
} 20 Breathing
} 21 Eating anything that tastes good
} 22 Drinking anything besides filtered water
} 23 Leaving your bed unmade in the morning
} 24 Eating anything that came off of a paved surface
} 25 Beef (damn cows!)
} 26 Loud music
} 27 Not using dental floss
} 28 Not breathing
} 29 Filtered water
} 30 Using a gas station tire pump for anything besides it's intended
}    purpose
} 31 Assembly without the directions
} 32 Touching bare wires (see #16)
} 33 Using electrical appliances in the tub (see #16)
} 34 Microwave foods (see #35)
} 35 Foods that don't taste good
} 36 Fast food (see #42)
} 37 Global warming (Geez!  What's up with all these damn cows!)
} 38 Pulling the pin
} 39 letting go of the handle
} 40 Microbial infections
} 41 Sterility
} 42 Edible food-like substances
} 43 Not eating
} 44 Candy (see #21)
} 45 Magnetic radiation
} 46 Cold water
} 47 Sleeping on the job
} 48 Plastic utensils
} 49 Metal utensils
} 50 Too little sleep *yawn*
} 51 Thinking too hard
} 52 Radiation
} 53 Too much exercise
} 54 Playing with explosives
} 55 Being immature
} 56 Anything that feels good
} 57 Too much sleep *yawn*
} 58 Too little love and kindness
} 59 Too many vegetables
} 60 Anything that feels bad
} 61 Too little exercise
} 62 Repeating yourself too much
} 63 Working too hard at play
} 64 Playing too hard at work
} 65 Contradicting yourself
} 66 Not contradicting yourself
} 67 Methane gas emissions (is there a bovine union or something?)
} 68 Flying
} 69 Whoa, this one speaks for itself
} 62 Repeating yourself too much
} 70 Diminishing water tables (these fucking cows are everywhere!)
} 71 Smoking (see #56 and #60)
} 72 Eating too fast
} 73 Too little stress
} 62 Repeating yourself too much
} 74 Rushingyourselftothepointofexhaustion
} 75 Annoying omniscient beings.


997-08    (69iwj dist, 3.6 mean)
Selected-By: mchevalier@WELLESLEY.EDU

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O wise and comedic Oracle, who knows all the best jokes, please
> tell me what is the joke that goes with the punchline:
> "Wrecked 'em!?  Dang near killed 'em!"

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Supplicant, you are of course referring to punchline object #43 in the
} Object Oriented Writing library for the Joke++ language. This library
} is freely available in the public domain.
}
} The Object Oriented approach to joke writing lets you reuse objects
} which have been proven to be effective and bug-free with a high degree
} of confidence. This will in theory reduce your development time. This
} approach has been used effectively by sit-com and comedy movie writers
} for years now.
}
} The punchline object you refer to is a child of leadup object #43,
} usually involving some sort of uneducated person conversing with a
} doctor following an accident in which something has been inserted into
} an anal passage. In this object, the uneducated person is trying to
} name the anal passage, whereby the doctor uses the medical term
} "rectum".
}
} To use this object set, you need to pass the variables "Yokel", the
} optional "OtherYokel", "ThingInsertedIntoLowerBowel" and "Incident" to
} MedicalLeadupObject43. MedicalLeadupObject43 will then call but pass
} no variables to its child PunchlineObject43, which returns the boolean
} 1 or 0, depending on whether you get a laugh. MedicalLeadupObject43
} returns a null value, and the joke terminates.
}
} This can be overridden by using the /M (Monologue) switch when
} compiling, where it loops to the next object in the routine until a
} terminating condition is met. Standard terminating conditions include
} "BooedOffStage", "SitComTerminated" or "You'veBeenAWonderfulAudience".
}
} The objects used in the Developer editions of Joke++ (used in
} Hollywood and other places) only differ from the Standard variety in
} that a value of 0 returned to a Leadup Object will cause that object
} to call a CannedLaughter object before joke processing terminates. You
} can pass either "Snicker", "Laughter" or "Uproar" to CannedLaughter.
} The special English Developer edition also allows the variable
} "Ooo-Aah!".
}
} As a public domain library, many new objects are added by users each
} year. Last year, for example, included the ShowMeTheMoney object.
}
} At the same time, many objects fall into disuse. These include the
} OneOfTheseDaysAliceOneOfTheseDays, WhatYouTalkingAboutLewis, and
} HeyRockyWatchMePullARabbitOutOfMyHat objects.
}
} When using the library, you should be aware that some Leadup Objects
} have several child answer objects (WhyDidTheChickenCrossTheRoad),
} while others have only one.
}
} Jokes compiled using the Object Oriented Library for Joke++ are
} particularly susceptible to the Heckler virus. This virus actually
} reads ahead in the data, and interrupts processing. It has been known
} to cause memory overwrites and other routine interrupting processes.
} In some cases, the Heckler virus has been known to complete the
} routine in a more orderly and funny fashion than Joke. The only way to
} get rid of this virus is by either ejecting, or to delete and
} reinstall. You can include jokes in routines compiled using the /M
} switch to defeat infection. Not all are successful, as the Heckler
} virus mutates, and its approach is not consistent.
}
} Other objects available include:
}
} LeadupObject                          PunchlineObject
}
} Do you want to play around?           What, you've got golf clubs
}                                       in there too?
}
} You blew a seal...                    No, I just had an ice cream!
}
} Luser                                 Where's the "any" key?
}
} Meaning of life                       42.
}
} Woodchuck                             ZOT!
}
} There is still some peculiar behaviour, even in a library this well
} developed. For example, failing to include a Grovel variable in the
} OracularTellMe object will cause the OracluarAskMe object to call its
} ZOT! child process unless there is a specific instruction manually
} inserted not to.
}
} Whilst in theory this is a more effective way of writing jokes, all
} original switches, including /DrinksConsumed, /OutWithTheBoys and
} /SpousePresent should be entered when recompiling. Failure to do so
} may lead to the YouHadToBeThere exception, or even worse, the
} PoliticallyIncorrect error. The latter has been known to cause huge,
} expensive and embarrassing system crashes.
}
} You owe the Oracle the source code to the RandomMoneyGenerator object
} in the JerrySeinfield library.


997-09    (7iyk5 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: David Sewell <dsew@packrat.aml.arizona.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>       O Awesome Oracle, whose refuse I am not worthy to bathe in, whose
> toejam I am unworthy to lick up, whose intelligence boggles every
> mortal mind, causing those minds to explode, wmitting a loud popping
> sound,
>       What's this dumb Juno tagline doing here? Does Juno feel like
> they have to brand us?
>
> _____________________________________________________________________
> You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
> Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
> Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} And you thought you were simply getting free email when you signed up
} for Juno, hmm? The truth is that Juno, Hotmail and other "free"
} services are actually recruiting for the Internet equivalent of the
} Crips and the Bloods. The signature file is actually considered your
} "colors", and when the turf war starts you will be expected to track
} down anyone from a rival service and kill him. Of course, at the same
} time THEY will be looking for YOU....
}
} Eventually the rest of society will tire of the carnage caused by this
} blood feud, and laws will be passed forbidding more than three Juno
} users to meet at the same time, flaunting a Hotmail .sig will earn you
} jail time, and those who associate with "free" services will be
} ostracized.
}
} You owe the Oracle a BlackList of stereotypical stupid people, and the
} ISPs they use.


997-10    (bjmjd dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: mchevalier@WELLESLEY.EDU

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> -1               = -1                   ; like equals like
> (-1)/1           = 1/(-1)               ; replace equals by equals
> sqrt((-1)/1)     = sqrt(1/(-1))         ; take (complex) sqrt of sides
> sqrt(-1)/sqrt(1) = sqrt(1)/sqrt(-1)     ; sqrt(a/b)=sqrt(a)/sqrt(b)
> -1               = 1                    ; ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} How did you get your hands on Clinton's plan to eliminate the national
} debt?
}
} You owe the Oracle a $5 billion surplus.


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