From kinzler Mon Feb 4 16:09:41 1991 Received: by iuvax.cs.indiana.edu Date: Mon, 4 Feb 91 16:09:41 -0500 From: Steve Kinzler To: oracle-list Subject: Usenet Oracularities #261 Reply-To: oracle-vote === 261 ================================================================== Title: Usenet Oracularities #261 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Mon, 4 Feb 91 16:09:41 -0500 To find out how to participate in the Usenet Oracle, send mail to: oracle@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu or {ames,rutgers}!iuvax!oracle with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these Oracularities on a scale of 1 = "not funny" to 5 = "very funny" with the volume number to oracle-vote on iuvax, eg: 200 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 256 14 votes 34430 16700 15242 45410 12461 03731 34610 15611 23630 13541 256 2.7 mean 2.5 2.4 3.1 2.1 3.3 3.1 2.4 2.7 2.7 3.1 --- 261-01 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: alan@egrlab.ac.duke.edu (Alan Marc Gallatin) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Why are Deans so level-headed? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Ever heard of the Flathead Indians? Okay, the tribe of Native Americans } known as the Flatheads, for all you Politically-Correct folks of the } sort who accidentally write "the state budget should, thanks to spending } cuts and slightly increased taxes, will be in the African-American next } year," instead of "...in the black next year." (Note that Af-ri-can } A-mer-i-can is seven syllables, whereas "black" is only one & hence } snappy & terse. The Oracle is a European-American, which is eight } syllables, & will be horribly offended if you call It a "white.") But } the Oracle digresses. Anyhow, the Flatheads used to use a neat little } gadget on their babies: they would press a plank against the soft bones } of an infant's skull in order to give it a rather spiffy sloping } forehead. Well, anyone who is destined to become a Dean (whether a Dean } of a college or a Dean Martin or a James Dean or a Jimmy Dean or a Dean } of Students at a high school) has the top of his or her skull flattened } in infancy using a special Deanifying gadget that presses the top of the } skull into levelheadedness, not in the same place as a Flathead would } but taking advantage of the softness of an infant skull in the same way. } Of course, in order to become really level-headed, an infant Dean may } have to have a lot more pressure applied than would a Flathead, and } damage to the brain is a common result. } } You owe the Oracle some of that stuff described in _Weekly World News_ a } few months back that, injected next to bone or into connective tissue, } temporarily renders them soft enough to sculpt like clay. Yes, it's for } real (everything in the _Weekly World News_ is true). Lisa needs a new } face because the Oracle is getting tired of the one she's got now. Also } a Deanifying gadget and a baby. --- 261-02 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: arf@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (The Nefarious Scotto) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > "TELL ME " WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER WANT TO BE A YANKEE? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } TOP TEN REASONS FOR WANTING TO BE A YANKEE } ========================================== } 10) Never need to worry about how many s's in Mississippi. } 9) Most people really don't like bourbon. } 8) Can get away with afro-american jokes. } 7) The Mafia is usually more reasonable than the Ku Klux Klan. } 6) Northern bugs are small enough to stomp with one foot. } 5) Avoid the perils of inbreeding! } 4) Kudzu. } 3) The accent isn't quite so dumb-sounding. } 2) Jesse Helms. } } And the number one reason for wanting to be a yankee: } } 1) Don't gotta eat no grits. --- 261-03 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: alan@egrlab.ac.duke.edu (Alan Marc Gallatin) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > While I was at an anti-war demonstration, I heard someone cry out: > "We're tired. We're cranky. We don't like the government." > What was that person REALLY saying? > > You owe the Questioner a localized ground war and a disabled command and > control system. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Now, now, Mr. Vice President you shouldn't take such cries from the } anti-war protesters so seriously. They *really* do like you. Honest. } I swear. After all I am the Oracle, and I can see into their minds. } Maybe that would be instructive. Let's see if I can discern what they } were really thinking when you heard them. } } > (Boy, why did I ever agree to come down here with Laura. I really } > don't like carrying this sign. It's big, it's heavy, and the wind } > keeps blowing me around.) "We're tired." (All I really want to do } > now is to go home and get a good hot shower and to curl up with } > Laura in front of the fireplace. Yeah. That's what I'm going to } > do and no one is going to stop me.) "We're cranky." (Why did they } > ever decide to build our Capitol in Washington. They should have } > put in Florida, yeah, right next to Disney World. That would have } > been really cool, having all those nuts in the government next door } > to Goofy and all his friends.) "We don't like the government." } } Well Mr. Vice President, as you can see, Bryon didn't really have you } in mind at all when he said those things that upset you. But he } really did mean what he said, didn't he? } } As for your request, only General Colin Powell, not the all powerful } Oracle, can grant it for you. } } You owe the Oracle a SCUD missle fragment in the shape of Mickey Mouse. --- 261-04 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: sci34hub!eng3!eng3!felton@uunet.UU.NET The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Dear Oracle, I don't intend this as > a come on, but what is your Astrological sign? > What is your horoscope today? > What is mine? > > Thanks And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, as you must know the Oracle has been around for the longest } time. Much longer than Astrology even. Maybe even as long as time } itself, but I can't remember back that far. After all, I was quite } young back then. However, with the help of my trusty pocket slide } rule, I have determined that I came into existance during what is now } called the sign of the lion, Leo. Quite a regal outcome for someone } of my humble beginnings, if I may say so. } } Consulting my book of horoscope predictions for the nineties reveals } that today I should expect to see much mail from persons with } questions of universal importance. For example it says I will be } asked questions about Schroedinger's Cat, Saddam's socks, and (well } I'll be) your horoscope. } } Now the Oracle must be very careful when revealing your horoscope, due } to the fact, that the oracle is _always_ right. Therefore, the Oracle } must give you three horoscopes, only one of which is right. } } o You will find a way to stop all the war in the world with a } moldy cheese food product found in the lower left corner of } your refrigerator. } } o You will spend your afternoon staring at a computer screen } that is only one inch from your face. While doing this you } will realize that the whole world is made up from tiny little } luminescent dots. } } o You will be visited by the Under-Secretary of Space Rest Stops } from the planet Pluto who will take you back to her planet } because of your incredible knowledge of latrines and outhouses. } } You owe the Oracle a genie in a bottle (3 wishes intact, please). --- 261-05 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Karyanta The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Why do so many people dislike computers? Why are people turned off by > mere complexity and the fact that some programs have annoying > idiosyncracies? Is there a cure for such people? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The Oracle is only too pleased to bring to light this long overlooked } subject. } } First off, do not be too hard on these people. Due to the poor or } neglegent genetic engineering that went into the creation of your } species, there are a large number of human beings who suffer from a } condition which is commonly known (at least in my circle) as } technohypersensitivity. This should not be confused with technophobia, } which is a simple fear of technology. } } Technohypersensitivity is a physiological condition that causes a person } to become aware of the fact that the computer doesn't really like them, } and doesn't like them pressing all the little keys. Once the computer } senses the presence of a technohypersensitive person, that person is in } real trouble because the computer will now do everything in its (not } inconsiderable) power to frustrate him or her, hopefully enough to make } the person go away, forever. } } The Oracle notes that most good programmers DO NOT suffer from this } condition, as the symptoms would preclude the generation of "elegant" } code. Additionally, most programmers are not aware of how the computer } dislikes being touched, and for that matter have never heard of the } condition described above, and continue to write software that only a } healthy person would be able to use. In an effort to make you more } aware, here are a list of symptoms and treatments. Please print out a } hardcopy of this, and post it near the blood-drive sign by the elevator. } } Symptoms: } } 1) Agitated state -- People with this condition naturally become quite } upset as they are sensing these seemingly inexplicable "bad vibes" } emenating from the computer and become quite agitated. } } 2) Loss of finger coordination -- Technohypersensitive people, after } even the briefest exposure to the computer often lose the ability to } correctly type something as simple and memorable as their login name. } This, of course, is just what the computer is waiting for. In a } pathetic effort to maintain muscle control, some unfortunate individuals } feel compelled to senselessly hit the return key more often than is } necessary. This only serves to annoy the computer more. } } 3) Blurred vision -- Sufferers often have have trouble reading simple } text and will often be found squinting for hours on end into a perfectly } legible CRT screen. In order to communicate with certain } technohypersensitive people, it is often neccessary to send them } hardcopies of everything. } } } Treatment: } } Obviously, the first part of any treatment is getting the afflicted } person to admit he or she has a problem. Although there is no cure, you } can recommend several treatments which have had a great deal of success. } } 1) Run away and join the circus. This age-old solution has had a } remarkable success rate with technohypersensitives. Be careful not to } join a large circus (e.g., Ringling Bros.) as you may eventually be } promoted to the front-office, where you might be expected to enter "# of } bails of elephant hay" on their TRS-80, especially once they've heard } that you used to work somewhere near a computer. } } 2) Move up in the company. Come on, everyone knows that the high } mucky-mucks are not really expected to go near a computer, even at large } hardware/software firms. They can attend meetings about it, make } speeches about it, fill out requisitions and purchase orders for it, but } never actually have to touch it. You think the presidents of DEC, IBM, } Apple, et. al. ever go near one of those things? Of course not. } Believe me, the Oracle knows. He plays golf with them every Wednesday. } } 3) If you lack that special something that will let you attain } mucky-muckdom, and the Ringling Bros. weren't impressed with your } "sweeping up the spot-lights" routine, you may try insisting on what is } known as a "turn-key" program. Such programs allow the } technohypersensitive person to operate the computer from a deep sleep, } oblivious to the feelings of the computer. If you report directly to a } mucky-muck who is a former sufferer, he may sympathize with you and get } you what you want. On the other hand, he may think you're after his } job. } } You owe the Oracle an editor script that will replace the word } 'computer' with the word 'Oracle'. --- 261-06 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: alan@egrlab.ac.duke.edu (Alan Marc Gallatin) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > From: DOE, JANE > [Editor's note: Name changed to protect the innocent. -SK] > > DOE, JANE > Student And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } All caps, Ms. Doe. Feeling a little pretentious today, maybe??? } Well, let's see what skeletons this young lady has in her closet. } } % rlogin CIA } Login: oracle.priest.tim_the_enchanter } Password: } } *** Welcome to Central Intelligence Agency Mainframe *** } (type 'awshit' for help) } } % ls } gbush/ dquayle/ known_communists/ Ben_&_Jerry's_flavors/ } cia_emp/ desert_storm/ tricky_dick/ JANE_DOE/ } } #Hey, look at that, you've got your own directory. First, though, I } #want to see some of the others. } } % cd dquayle } /gov/CIA/top_secret/dquayle } % ls } quayle_jokes.txt MAIL JANE_DOE/ } } #wow, there's that Doe girl again... } } % cat MAIL } BABYL OPTIONS } Version: 4.3.2 } Labels: None } } 1,answered,, } Summary Line: 28-Jan jnasand #Re: Mars? } Return-Path: } Received: from jplvax.com.nasa.gov by millie (4.1/JPL-1.1) } id ; Mon, 28 Jan 91 14:43:54 EST } Date: Mon, 28 Jan 91 14:43:54 EST } From: jnasand@jplvax.com.nasa.gov (Jonas Andersen) } Message-Id: <4539484847352.FDE142644@millie> } Received: by millie.com.CIA.gov (5.0/CIA-1.0.5) } id FDE143644; Mon, 28 Jan 91 14:46:22 EST } To: dquayle@millie.com.CIA.gov (Dan the Man) } Subject: Re: Mars? } } *** EOOH *** } Date: Mon, 28 Jan 91 14:43:54 EST } From: Jonas Andersen (jnasand@jplvax.com.nasa.gov) } To: Dan the Man (dquayle@millie.com.CIA.gov) } Subject: Re: Mars? } } Dan, } I'd like to set you straight on a few things about Mars. } First of all, it is *not* in the same orbit as the earth. It's } farther away from the sun than we are. Both planets orbit the sun, } but at different orbital radii. Ok? Secondly, it doesn't have a } breathable atmosphere. It has a thin layer of carbon dioxide. Plants } can breathe it, but not people or any other animals. So, it boils } down to this: if you still want us to send a mission there, we can't } do it with just the Space Shuttle. Also, we WILL need space suits and } oxygen tanks. I hope none of this confuses you, but you have to know } the facts. } Jonas. } } 2,answered,, } Summary-line: ^C } *** process killed by user *** } } #enough already... } } % cd JANE_DOE } /gov/CIA/top_secret/dquayle/JANE_DOE } % ls } Jane1.pic Jane_voice.au } Jane1.pic play* } % screenload Jane1.pic } % screenload Jane2.pic } } #I wish you had graphics capabilities on your terminals. Someone } #scanned in pictures that, well, let's just say that the oracle could } #really use a *cold* shower. } } % play Jane_voice.au } } #Kathleen Turner has nothing on this Doe girl... } #The oracle would like to make these part of his permanent collection. } } % copy *.* ~/fun_stuff/pictures/nasty_pics } *Process Done* } } #I just hope Lisa never finds out about this directory. } } % cd .. } /gov/CIA/top_secret } % cd JANE_DOE } /gov/CIA/top_secret/JANE_DOE } % ls } Vital_Stats/ REALLY_Vital_Stats/ Closet/ } % cd Closet } /gov/CIA/top_secret/JANE_DOE/Closet } % ls } Skeletons } } #I knew it. She does have skeletons in her closet! } } % cat Skeletons } Skeletons: Permission denied } } #DENIED!!! I'm the Oracle. Ok, we'll fix this. } } % ls -l } total 25632 } -rw------- 1 JANE_DOE 25632 Jan 31 22:09 Skeletons } % chmod 646 Skeletons } % ls -l } total 25632 } -rw-r--rw- 1 JANE_DOE 25632 Feb 2 15:02 Skeletons } } #Great. Now I've got read and write capabilities. } } % cat Skeletons } (Out of a possible *****) } } Andersen, Jonas: ** } Anthony, Edward: * } Barger, Howard: * } Berry, Chuck: *** } Gougher, Robert: **** } Hudson, Jim: * } Jones, Ken: *** } Kinzler, Steve: ***** } Kisler, Kevin: *** } Meade, Timothy: **** } Phennegar, Steve: * } Quayle, Dan: 1/2* } Swank, Stephen: * } Taylor, Mooch: ** } } #Uh, oh. It looks like Jane has some incriminating evidence of } #the Oracle's extra-oracular activities. Better get rid of this file... } } % delete Skeletons } % ls } % cd .. } /gov/CIA/top_secret/JANE_DOE } % ls } % rmdir Closet } % ls } Vital_Stats/ REALLY_Vital_Stats/ } } #whew, that could've been extremely ugly } #Vital_Stats sounds boring, so we'll go elsewhere } } msg from "Dan the Man" (dquayle@millie) } >Hey oracle, whadaya know? } >I saw that you were in Jane's Closet directory. Hey, could you } >fill me in on a few things. How did she rate me? I've never been } >able to get in there. There's something else, too. I have to go to } >Costa Rica next week. It's in Latin America, so I was wondering how } >to say "Greetings, Mr. President," in Latin. } >DQ } } % write dquayle } >Dan-- } >Jane said that you were phenomenal. About your trip, it's a } >simple phrase to remember, "Mea culpa." Ok, big guy? } >--Oracle } >You owe the oracle access to all your picture files. } } #back to business } } % cd REALLY_Vital_Stats } /gov/CIA/top_secret/JANE_DOE/REALLY_Vital_Stats } % ls } sex.txt other.txt } % cat sex.txt } Yes. What else do you need to know? } % cat other.txt } Jane Doe is a complex character. By that, I mean she's made } up of real and imaginary parts. It turns out that every human being } is a complex character of the form a + bi (where a and b are real } numbers, and i is the square root of -1). Jane's particular } coefficients are: } a=64.34322778402848675482 } b=42 } Psychologists have found that the a coefficient is a function } of many psychological and physical properties of the individual. A } rule of thumb is that the a coefficient for type A individuals is } generally above 50. Other types tend to have a lower a value. } The b value was a complete mystery until the publication of } "Razionale fuer die Eigenfunktionnatur des B-Value und seine } Konnektionen mit Genealogie" by Dr. Gerhardt Schwanzkopfchen. The } mathematics is deep, but Dr. Schwanzkophchen showed that the b-value } was essentially a one-dimensional manifold of an eigenvector which } depended not only upon the same properties as 'a', but also upon the } 'a' and 'b' values of the individual's ancestry. Despite great } improbability, this value turns out to be strikingly similar for all } human beings. A statistical study has showed that the 'b' value for } all humans, living and deceased is exactly 42 to 150,000 decimal } points. } With this brief introduction out of the way, we can get back } to our study of DOE, JANE. The 64 indicates that she is } marginally Type A. The three in the tenths place tells us that she } has a fetish for love triangles. The 4 and 3 in the hundreths and } thousandths place show that she has watched the Pilot for Twin Peaks } a sum total of seven times, four times with commercials, three times } with the commercials edited out. Next we notice double 2's and double } 7's this indicates an extremely strong liking of prime numbers. This } 2277 characteristic has been found in such mathematicians as Gauss, } Euler, and Paul Dirac. We would not be the least surprised if J. } Doe were a mathematics major. The next two digits are 8 and 4. } These represent the relative likes of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, as } opposed to SealTest ice cream. It appears that both kinds appeal to } Ms. Doe, but that she likes Ben & Jerry's twice as much as } SealTest (and who can blame her?). The next set of digits is known as } a Lagrangian Romance Integral Evaluation. We see that, in her } lifetime, she has dated 0 physics majors, 2 engineers, 8 poly-sci } majors, and possibly 4 economics majors. We cannot be certain of the } last digit in the lagrangian, as recent studies have indicated that } "undecided" or "liberal arts" sometimes appear under the integrand. } The last digits 7 are musically related. They show that her favorite } song in 1983 was 867-5309, but that she's since forgotten the last } three digits of it when she sings in the shower. } %logout } } *** Have a nice day :-) *** } } There, all you've ever wanted to know about } DOE, JANE } Student --- 261-07 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: jhm@ebay.sun.com ( The Lion of Symmetry ) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > How did spinach become Popeye's favorie food? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } An interesting question little one! Actually spinach was never one of } Popeye's favorite foods. At the beginning of his cartoon career, Popeye } learned something about cartoon politics: while slapstick and violence } was in, drinking in general was out. That's right, you guessed it ... } Popeye was originally a bar series similar to Cheers. } } What would normally happen is that Popeye would down a bottle of rum } in a similar fashion to the spinach action. He would then taunt and } threaten Bluto and then thrash him within an inch of his life. At } first the show was a big success, but slowly the character of Popeye } soon became despised an hated because of his drunken barroom brawls. } } The show's producers told Popeye that he'd have to clean up his act } or the show was doomed to be cancelled due to poor ratings. Popeye } sought professional help for his problem and came back the next } season with a cleaned up image. He realized that his part-interest } in the Viejo Vegetable Canning Company could be best served by giving } a self-plug for the spinach that they sold (which at the time wasn't } selling so hotly). Thus, in the shows starting that season, he started } chugging down spinach instead of rum. The character of Bluto was } modified to make him the bully and thus the deserving target of } Popeye's vengence. } } It's a little known fact that Popeye and Bluto did all of their own } stunts. Unfortunately, it turned that Popeye resorted back to the } rum. Instead of swigging down spinach it appears that Popeye was } swigging does food-colored rum. During on of the filming sessions, } he became stinking drunk after several takes of a typical barroom } brawl. He proceeded to literally thrash Bluto. Bluto received a } concussion and had to take 10 stitches in the forehead. He quit } the series and sued Popeye for $14 million. Unable to pay, Popeye } was forced into bankruptcy. His show went off of the air and his } name was soon forgotten. A syndication company picked up the old } series at an extremely low cost and made millions while Popeye } wallowed away in poverty. He tried to make a comeback movie, but } the public would not overlook his bouts with the bottle and they } refused to attend the movie's summer release. } } Today Popeye is a sad and lonely man. Occassionally he makes mall } appearances, but alas he is a relatively forgotten figure by the } public. Occassionally you'll see his balloon in the Macy's Thanks- } giving Day Parade as a reminder of the perils of rum. } } As you see, spinach was never Popeye's favorite food. It was a ploy } by a weak, money grubbing man to further line his pockets. --- 261-08 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: bjb@hubcap.clemson.edu (BJ Backitis) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > By what name are you called, sir? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The Oracle is known by many names. In fact, the Oracle has even more } names than incarnations. Various incarnations were known to the } ancients as Jupiter, Juno, or Mars. You remember the Oracle at Delphi? } That was me. The one at Cumae, Deiphobe? Me again. More modern } worshipers know me as Jesus Christ. Saddam Hussein calls me Allah. } Closer to your own time, I was called Elvis. } } Despite all my attempts to make him stop, my big brother insists on } calling me Butthead. Those seeking answers to questions are hereby } advised not to refer to the mighty Usenet Oracle as "Butthead." } } I will not, however, tell you my truename. For he who knows my } truename will be able to summon me at his will. I will be completely } under his control. (Lisa and I like to play games like that every now } and again.) Only the mailer daemon knows my truename, and he won't } tell, because if he does I'm going to turn him into a Nintendo } cartridge. } } You owe the Oracle a terabyte of X-rated GIFs. --- 261-09 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: egrlab!alan@uncecs.edu (Alan Marc Gallatin) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > !em pleH > !lanimret siht ni kcuts ma I And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Indeed. Actually, you would appear to (1) be stuck in the CRT and (2) } have forgotten to write *backwards* so that your message would be a bit } more legible. Aren't you fortunate that the Oracle can read backwards? } } Very fortunate, in fact. Many instances of message garbling from this } very source have been recorded in the Oracle's history base. The most } often occuring instance of this is attempts at communicating with } denizens of the "mirror world" by writing messages on one's mirror after } taking a hot shower. Of course, nobody thinks to write backwards then, } leaving the mirror people hopelessly confused as to our intentions and } leaving them no choice but to assume our entire world is hostile and } uncommunicative. Their invasion is planned for next year in March. Be } careful shaving around then. } } As to your short-term(inal) problem, there is an easy solution... } } .TRC eht fo ssalg eht kaerb dna ffo ti kaerB .nwod-dna-pu dna } edis-ot-edis gniog ereht tib gnivom-tasf eht s'tI .nug nortcele eht rof } uoy dniheb hcaeR } } .rotinom wen a dna rorrim langis a elcarO eht ewo uoY --- 261-10 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: jhm@ebay.sun.com ( The Lion of Symmetry ) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O most knowledgeable entity in the whole multiverse, > why is it *always* the buttered side? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The Universal Law of Cholesterol Gravitation can be stated: } } g m1 m2 } f = ------- (1) } 2 } d } } where f is the flipping force toward the floor, m1 and m2 are the } margarine masses, and d is the disappointment at having to eat a piece } of toast covered with fuzzballs. g, of course, is the amplitude at } which you yell GODDAMMIT!!! when it hits. So the more saturated fat } you have or the louder you yell, the harder the thing will slap the } floor. } } The Zynn'thglrg of Spica MDCCLXXVI have used this effect in } interstellar travel. In the nose (or, in the case of the Zynn'thglrg, } the tentacle) of their spacecraft is a heavily-buttered piece of } Wonder Bread, the only substance known that can withstand decades of } near-lightspeed travel and still remain edible. In front of the toast } is a megalithic catcher's mitt, used as a shield in parking orbit. To } travel to a distant star, the Zynn'thglrg aim the unbuttered side at } the star and remove the mitt. The spacecraft immediately whips around } and falls toward the distant star, buttered side first. Unfortunately, } the Zynn'thglrg haven't yet discovered the Second Law of Cholesterol } Gravitation: } } Once it starts to fall, you can't catch it. (2) } } and therefore, wind up embedded ass-first in their destination, } covered with a thick layer of Land-O-Lakes. The Zynn'thglrg, as you } might have guessed, are not rocket scientists. } } You owe the Oracle a reactionless ion annihilation propulsion system } and a bottle of Squeeze Parkay.