From oracle-request Mon Jun 3 19:25:25 1991 Received: by iuvax.cs.indiana.edu Date: Mon, 3 Jun 91 19:25:25 -0500 From: To: oracle-list Subject: Usenet Oracularities #313 Reply-To: oracle-vote X-Face: "9e\S&XFxP?L)~?^jbHC!$jk5#O}v\n#nwz8'd$#(H,+B4n<^{GSCr,![PCrQOV1 nW{vh|Ev<)b!y?'?aysJ)3YJ_/sOl@a'lKaG,uk|Xh3mR+xa]XJ!$vqAjQe?.nst;0/"u?M2K~rC6k~ |)'uWrn%alJW'QwwJJ441kc,m.C!?:EP49(+ X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with "faces". From the iuvax archive today. === 313 ================================================================== Title: Usenet Oracularities #313 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Mon, 3 Jun 91 19:25:25 -0500 To find out how to participate in the Usenet Oracle, send mail to: oracle@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu or {ames,rutgers}!iuvax!oracle with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these Oracularities on a scale of 1 = "not funny" to 5 = "very funny" with the volume number to oracle-vote on iuvax, eg: 200 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 308 18 votes 13851 04680 26721 38511 24651 23931 12627 14661 14661 15813 308 3.0 mean 3.1 3.2 2.7 2.4 2.9 2.9 3.7 3.1 3.1 3.0 --- 313-01 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: well!well!ewhac@apple.com (Leo 'Bols Ewhac' Schwab) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O great Oracle, overseer of all things, both foreign and domestic, > please help me. I have been arguing with a friend over the subject of > cause and effect in time-travel. He says if you go back in time and > shoot your father, you will die. I say that you will still be alive, > only much slower and have the word 'Bob' attached to the end of your > first name. Please tell me which of us is right. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Lightening crashes in through the dirty windows of a musty } laboratory. Thunder echoes from the damp stone walls, mixed with } occasional maniacal laughter from a figure crouched in the corner. } The spidery fingers of the Oracle dance over a wall size control } panel, fine tuning the settings on the bulky machinery that fills the } room. In between his hysteric outbursts of laughter, snatches of his } incessant mutterings can be made out... } } "...just because I'm supposed to know everything... I'm hungry } dammit... f***ing wise-ass supplicants think they can stump me with } this damn father-son paradox ... I should be in bed with Lisa... } well, we're going to find out once and for all!" } } With this last utterance, the Oracle leans over and throws a giant } scissor switch set into the wall. A giant, scrolling LED display } begins to count down... } } "30,29,28...." } } The Oracle shuffles towards the center of the room, opens a small } door in a chamber that resembles a locomotive boiler, and climbs in. } } "20,19,18... Dow Jones closed at 1725... IBM Stock falls 3.25 } points... 15,14,13..." } } The Oracle turns, and sits on a small wooden plank bolted to the } chamber wall. He glances nervously through the small glass window in } the door. A tiny drop of sweat rolls off his brow and splashes } silently on the iron floor. } } "4,3... Maple Leafs: 1 Kings:3 ... 2,1... ZERO" } } In a blinding flash of light, the assembly occupying the floor of the } room dissappears. The control console goes dark except for a small } readout flashing quietly in the center of wall: } } "Destination: IUVAX.CS.INDIANA.EDU Date: May 40, 1985 02:25" } } {Fade out and back in, revealing a dusty computer room with a single } occupant} } } The quiet tapping of computer keys drift across the room. Suddenly } the room goes dark and then lights back up again as lightning flashes } criss-cross the ceiling. As the lightening fades, and the pale glow } of the flourescent lights blink back on, we see a new figure standing } in the room. This new person, the Oracle, walks slowly to the man } crouched at the computer terminal... } } "Steve Kinzler?" } } The man at the keyboard looks up, "Yeah, Where's my pizza?" } } With a deft movement, the Oracle reaches into his lab coat and } removes a bulky object. Suddenly, Mr. Kinzler finds himself looking } down the barrel of a huge handgun, the laser sight glowing brightly } in his left eye. } } Mr. Kinzler, panicking, starts to shuffle his chair backwards, "Hey, } hey, hey! No reason to get upset. I'll tip you this time, honest!" } } The Oracle, holding the gun, mutters quietly, "Goodbye father" } } ... and pulls the trigger } } --------------------- (blip) --------------------- } } SYSTEM ERROR%% ZOMBIE PROCESS CREATED BY UNRECOGNIZED USER } SYSTEM ERROR%% SOURCE ACCOUNT: BILLY-BOB KINZLER } REBOOTING... --- 313-02 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: John.McCartney@ebay.sun.com ( The Lion of Symmetry ) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > thricken% cat > to_oracle > What on earth do all the numbers mean at the top of the list of > occularities? Are they supposed to be the results of the voting? > > Oh dear, forgot to grovel ... um ... > ^D > thricken% ed to_oracle > 154 > $p > Oh dear, forgot to grovel ... um ... > 1i > Oh Oracle who is jolly cunning and knows a thing or two, I can tell > you, please bestow upon me the gift of your bounteous knowledge: > > . > w > 311 > q > thricken% mail oracle < to_oracle And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Tsk, Tsk! Silly supplicant, know you not that the Oracle cannot } be fooled? As you can see, the Oracle is fully aware of your utter } lack of reverence and self-deprecation. I have included above a } complete transcript of your misdeeds in both thought and action. } } I'm afraid I'm just going to have to make an example of you. You } mortals are getting far too cocky lately. } } What have you done, you ask? (You see -- again I read your thoughts. } You lower species are so transparent to such an incredibly omniscient } and really neat entity as myself.) } } Here is why, oh foolish mortal, that I must castigate you: } } (1) Not only did you include your requisite grovelling as an } AFTERTHOUGHT, but you prepended it to your message with with ed(1)! } The Oracle generally expects that truly reverent messages be composed } with GNU EMACS at the very least. Only the works of the great and } free software god Richard Stallman and his angels truly interfaces } well with the Mighty Oracle. Anything less is like you sending the } Pope a petition written on toilet paper. For the sake of you mortals, } the Oracle tolerates toilet paper occasionally, but groveling with } ed(1) is far worse than sending a request on USED toilet paper! } GAAAAHHHH!!! } } 2) When you DID finally get around to groveling (It was almost AN } ENTIRE 4.8831 SECONDS after you had composed your question), JUST LOOK } at what you said: } "Oh Oracle who..." ; This was a good start, I admit. } } "..is jolly cunning..." ; This part was OK, although 'jolly } ; cunning' is not really a very dignified } ; way of saying 'Magnificent, Fantastic, } ; All-knowing, Gracious, Tremendous, } ; Infinitely Sexy and Above All, Modest' } } "...and knows a thing or two..." } ; A THING OR TWO!!! A THING OR TWO!!! } ; You call THIS respectful language!!! } ; The mighty Oracle knows ALL. Do you } ; realize just how much ALL is? Of } ; course not -- if you did, you'd be } ; me. Well let me just tell you -- ALL } ; is one awful lot more than a simpering } ; little snivelling puny THING OR TWO. } ; ARRRGHHHH! GGGGAAAAAA! PFFFFTTTT! } ; ACK-PHTPT! Now that REALLY makes me } ; mad! } } ".. I can tell you,..." ; You can?!! Such presumption!! } } And just LOOK at your question! You started it with "What on } earth...". On earth. On EARTH. ON EARTH!!!! ARRGGGHHH!! If you } think the Great (and very calm and friendly) Oracle spends much of its } time on EARTH, boy have you got a shock coming! Mars has a much much } nicer climate this time of year. And besides, the Oracle just adores } the color red. } } So you see, I really have no choice. Not only will I NOT tell } you that the answer to your question is "Yes. The popularity of } previous digest entries is posted in the current digest. Consult the } volume number at the start of the line of numbers to match the results } up with previous Oracularities", but the Oracle must see to your } appropriate punishment. Let me see.... } } (sound of someone hunting through a LOT of books on creaky } library shelves) } 'The Marquis and I' ...hmmmmm. No,no. } 'I think therefore I Ching' ...no,no. } 'The Intel 8086 Users Manual' ...hmmmmm. Better. Much better. } Not quite it... } 'Implications of the existence of distraught and disjoint mani- } folds on the structure of a twenty-three dimensional non-Eucl- } idian space time continuum' ...Gad, no! Used that one last } time. } 'Ancient Tortures Made Simple' ...AHHHH! } } (sound of someone flipping through the pages of an old, dusty } book...) } } Yes... I think we'll go with the Chinese Water Torture. Chain you } to a wall. Come in every hour and put 1 drop of water on your head. } You go nuts waiting for next drop. Hmmmmm. } Lets make it more interesting. Over the course of the } next 5 days, Oh soon to be regretful one, Each of the following } events will happen to you. Sometime during the day. You won't } know when. Ha. } } Day 1: A fly will land on your nose. } Day 2: You will be stung on your left elbow by a mosquito. } Day 3: You will find 1/2 an ant in your food. } Day 4: A baby will piddle on your tie. } Day 5: A freak wormhole in space-time will cause a } 10,000 pound lead weight to drop on your head, reducing } you to instantly to a pulp. } } Welllllll-- O.K. You DID at least TRY to grovel. Just because } I'm such a nice entity, we could skip Day 5. Maybe. You're going to } have to prove you're seriously sorry. To do so: } } (1) Immediately and without delay, delete all copies of } ed(1) from your Un*x system. Purge it's manuals! Don't forget } the catable ones!! } } (2) Install GNU EMACS. If you already have GNU EMACS, install } it again. It might have been contaminated by ed(1). Recompile it } from floppy disk just to be sure! And you'd better use GNU CC } or else! } } (3) Write and release a virus that will worm its way through } all of your puny planet's computer systems, deleting the vile } ed(1) wherever it may be found. Have it convert all MS-DOS(tm) } systems to Un*x, and disarm all nuclear missiles, while you're at } it. } } (4) Go to the nearest flagpole. While wearing only under- } shorts made of old MS-DOS(tm) boot disks, (you may use a stapler, } tape or strawberry chewing gum to assemble them), climb to the top } of the pole. Sing the following to the tune of Mozart's symphony } #41 in G minor, loudly for 2 hours, or until they take you away, } whichever comes first: } } Oh Oracle!! Oracle!!!, } Magnificent and Gracious, } Oh wonderful and friendly one } Who's totally sagacious! } Forgive me, Spiffy Oracle, } Forgive me my fell crime, } I'll never use old ed() again, } I'll EMACS all the time! } } That will suffice. Good luck. I'd get to it, if I were you. } That fly is buzzing your way even as I speak.... } } You owe the Oracle a Un*x boot disk and some nifty lisp code } for EMACS that permits the user to write only in palindromes. --- 313-03 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: gt2126b@prism.gatech.edu (PETROSKY,WILLIAM T) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Thou Oracle, your insightful insight into overnight > interludes is requested. After I stay up all night > studying, I have noticed that a bizarre, noxious > substance forms on my tongue. What is this goop and > where does it come from? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hmmm. I'll have to send it over to the lab for analysis. } } (SHORT INTERLUDE OF TACKY THEME MUSIC) } } Kirk: Well, what do you make of it, men? } } Spock: It is unmistakeably a product of carbon-based life forms, } Captain. Logic suggests that, from the circumstances of its } discovery, it is likely to be related to the reaction of this } example of the human species to some form of extreme emotional } experience. } } Kirk: You mean - it's the result of sheer terror? } } Spock: Affirmative, captain. } } Kirk: I pity him - what he must have gone through... What could have } caused it, though? } } Spock: I am afraid I may only offer speculation there. It should be } observed that no analogous symptom is known in the Vulcan race; } the corresponding absence of the emotional aspect of fear in our } race is what led me to my conclusion. } } McCoy: Jim, I think you should... } } Kirk: What is it, Bones? Is it dangerous? } } McCoy: It's worse than that, Jim. Look at the sensors. It's alive! } } Goop: Fourier transform with respect to x..... } } Kirk: Stand back, men. Phasers on stun. } } Goop: ...second law of thermodynamics... } } Kirk: It's showing signs of intelligence, Spock. } } Spock: Not so, Captain. More a form of unthinking repetition of } absorbed fact. A characteristic of the lower ranks of mankind. } } McCoy: You mean... } } Spock: Indeed. A student. } } Goop: ...the significance of Beethoven's later symphonies... } } Kirk: (to communicator) Bridge? Yellow alert. } } Siren: Wrrrupppp! Wrrrupppp! } } Goop: ...Battle of Trafalgar 1805... } } Spock: There is no need for alarm, captain. The logical conclusion is, } that due to the intense stress of exam revision, the victim's } brain has attempted to assume a foreign form, and thus effect } escape. It appears to have been successful; however it still } shows symptoms of having been forcibly educated. } } McCoy: There's no hope for it, Jim. It won't survive long. } } Goop: ...guck shhhlurrrp frppppp... } } Kirk: Well done, men. Bridge? Warp factor two. Anywhere - as long as } it doesn't have a high school. The universe is difficult } enough, without people understanding it.. } } You owe the Oracle a degree and a pair of latex ears. --- 313-04 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: gt2126b@prism.gatech.edu (PETROSKY,WILLIAM T) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Great Oracle with the light brown hares, > > Why is it that the slow and plodding turtle with the drab and > uninteresting wardrobe failed to defeat the dashing, debonair, and > thoroughly swift rabbit? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Ahh, the danger of fashion. At first the rabbit zoomed past the } turtle with a sneer, which irritated the turtle. Just before the } rabbit reached the finish line, he happened to pass a shiny window. } He just had to stop for a second to admire his classy outfit. What } did he see, but his cravat did not match his shoes! What a gastly } error! He couldn't be seen crossing the finish line with that outfit. } He ran back to his house. On the way back to the finish line, he } zoomed past the turtle with a sneer, which badly irritated the turtle. } Just before the rabbit reached the finish line, he stepped in a mud } puddle. Oh no! One shoe and pant leg was dirty! He ran back to his } house. On the way back to the finish line, he zoomed past the turtle } with a sneer, which seriously pissed off the turtle. Just before the } rabbit reached the finish line, he realized that he had forgotten to } put on sunscreen. Well, he did not want to risk skin cancer. He ran } back to his house. On the way back to the finish line, he zoomed past } the turtle with a sneer, which was the last straw for the turtle. The } turtle chopped the rabbit off at the knees with a large machete. } While the rabbit writhed in agony, the turtle crossed the finish line. } } You owe the Oracle two lucky rabbit's feet. --- 313-05 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: rutgers!ames!f575.n141.z1.FIDONET.ORG!Michelangelo.Jones The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Why I sould have elvis's children? > find . -type f -name "*bm*" -print > /tmp/hello ) >& /dev/null And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } ----- begin transcript ----- } } OracleOS V19.91 (Rev 0) (oracle.delphi.grc) } } login: oracle } Password: } } Last login: Thu Oct 19 1987 from nyse.satan.com } OracleOS V19.91 System #0: Mon Jan 1 00:00:00 OST 00001 } } Welcome to the Oracle at Delphi (tm)! } Remember, only one question per mortal. } Have a nice day. } } You have new mail } % osequip } } The Oracle Standard Entry Question Unraveling Incremental Parser } } Please type query exactly as asked: } > Why I sould have elvis's children? } } Parsing . . } Error: Word in position number 3 is invalid. } Alternate spellings: } 1. sold (default) } 2. souled } 3. would } Enter choice, or for default: } default taken. } } . } Error: Word in position number 4 conflicts. Grammar parser error } #734. Choices: } 1. delete word (default) } 2. choose a different word } 3. retype sentence } Enter choice, or for default: } default taken. } } . } Warning: Word in position number 5 shold be capitalized. } Warning: Word in position number 5 is misspelled. Form: "s's" } Capitalization executed; trailing 's' automatically deleted. } } . } Warning: Punctuation does not match sentence. } '?' changed to '.' } } done. Total number of errors: 0 } } Text reads: "Why I sold Elvis' children." } } ----- pause transcript ----- } } Hmmmm. The Oracle questions the wisdom of selling Elvis' children at } such a low price. Also, the text of the article in question has some } rather, um, questionable facts. For example, Noah Webster did _not_ } build the Ark, nor was he in fact alive in 1956. } } ---- continue transcript ----- } } % find . -type f -name "*bm*" -print > /tmp/hello ) >& /dev/null } % cat /tmp/hello } } % cat /dev/null } Command completed. 0 file(s) found. } } % logout } Connection closed. } } ----- end transcript ----- } } You owe the Oracle a suBMissive Elvis Love-Child --- 313-06 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Joshua.R.Poulson@cyber.widener.edu The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Question not found. } Retry, Ignore, Cancel? } } You owe the oracle a copy of msdos 8.3! --- 313-07 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christopher Pettus The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > tell me And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Ok, the number of the place is 1-555-645-9237, } ask for Cindy and set up an ``Appointment'' for monday. } And remember, if the police ask - you don't know her. --- 313-08 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: mzintl@plasma.ps.uci.edu (Michael Zintl) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle most wise and witty, whose profundities could confuse a thousand > Henry Kissingers, who knows all, sees all, and hears all, and smells > too, please answer this vexing conundrum: > > If one train leaves Palm Springs at 12:00, and a second one leaves > New York at 4:00, and they each travel at 100 miles an hour, and they > crash into each other in Kansas City, and the conductor is your mother, > and half of the passengers are Canadian and the other half are Dutch, > and if at the same time a radio signal leaves Alpha Centauri and > reaches Kansas City 4.3 years later, and a passenger is found dead of > lead poisoning in a locked stateroom with a puddle of water and a > spiderweb on the floor, and the engineer's middle name is Steve, and > the only clue is a slip of paper found in a goldfish bowl, and the > speed of sound in air is 712 miles per hour, and there are 50 states in > the Union, how many lawyers will sue Amtrak because of the train wreck? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Ah, finally a math problem with some meat to it. The answer is 12, } but I sense that you do not believe me. I will provide a variety of } arguments to choose from, so that there is no doubt as to my } infailability. } } MATHEMATICAL ARGUMENT: } The subdifferential of a west bound train at 4 p.m. is 13.7 times the } Croissant index of the local bar exam. Therefore, given the standard } argument, 12 lawyers will sue. } } RELIGIOUS ARGUMENT: } 12 is correct. You must have faith or die, heathen pig. } } PHILOSOPHICAL ARGUMENT: } 12, 20, or 1000. Does it really matter? } } ASTRONOMICAL ARGUMENT: } According to our data, 12 is correct, within two orders of magnitude. } } ARCHEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT: } In 1275 B.C., there was a crash between two ox drawn carts in the } lower Sudan. Given a suitable translation of the Stickymud } Manuscript, it was said that 12 laywers sued the drivers. Since modern } culture is a derivative of the culture of that time, 12 laywers would } sue today. } } ASTROLOGICAL ARGUMENT: } 12 is the only truly perfect number. Everything has a twelve in it. } } STATISTICAL ARGUMENT: } The last time there was a train wreck with exactly the same conditions, } 12 laywers sued. } } INTUITIVE ARGUMENT: } 12 just feels right. 11 is too few, and 13 is far too many. } } WEAK ARGUMENT: } 12, please? } } STRONG ARGUMENT: } TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, } TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, } TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, } TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, } TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, TWELVE, } T-W-E-L-V-E! Do you believe me now? --- 313-09 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: arf@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (The Nefarious Scotto) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Why is it that by the time I have worked up the nerve to ask > a girl out she's already dating someone else? > Davey And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The Oracle understands your dilemma, for it is a common one. } Many is the time I am asked: "Why is it that by the time I have } worked up the nerve to ask a girl out she's already dating someone } else?" Sadly there are no simple answers to this question. Well, } there is a simple answer, which is that you are an insecure little } toad who doesn't have the common courtesy to grovel before the } allmighy Oracle. But this doesn't really help you out, does it? } } Many people will tell you that to solve the problem of the woman } of your dreams dating someone else, you must first find out why } you couldn't ask her out in the first place. These same people } will give you extremely useless advice, such as "Go ahead, ask } her out, the worst thing she can do is say no," or "Oh, the right } woman will come along in due time. If it is meant to happen, it } will happen." These people should be shot, for their own good, and } because they only make the Oracle's job that much harder. The truth } is that it doesn't matter WHY you didn't ask her out, after all, } she's already seeing this other schmuck, right? The real question } is WHAT are you going to do about it? Here you have two options: } } A) Wallow in self-pity, and wonder what you can do to increase } your self confidence } or } } B) Go out and DO something about it, using the Oracles guaranteed } 'How to Break Up A Relationship' program. } } On the off chance that you don't choose option A, I shall provide } sections which should prove useful to your situation. } } > How To Break Up A Relationship } > Chapter 7: Someone Else's } > } > So, you've gotten through the 'Why is it that by the time I have } > worked up the nerve to ask her out she's already dating someone } > else?' stage and moved on to the 'What am I going to do about it?' } > stage. Here you must take great care, for not only must you drive } > a wedge between the two of them, but you must also make sure she } > doesn't find out you are behind it. We will follow the situation of } > an imaginary subject 'Davey' as he attempts to break apart 'Linda' } > and 'Tom.' } > Davey's first step is to go to Linda's apartment and wait until } > she and Tom arrive. Once the two of them are safely inside, Davey } > goes to Tom's car and siphon's out all the gas. When Tom tries to } > leave, he cannot start his car, and goes back to Linda's and asks } > if he can spend the night. Linda isn't that naiive to fall for the } > old 'I ran out of gas, honest' routine, and while the two of them } > are arguing, Davey pours about a gallon of gas back into the tank. } > (The rest he pours on Tom's new paint job) When Tom goes back } > outside to 'prove' that the car won't start, he is astonished to } > find that, indeed, his car does start. Tom leaves, and Linda } > remain's suspicious. } > The next day, Davey places an ad the the personal's section of } > the local newspaper that reads: 'Susan, I love you, Linda means } > nothing to me, yours forever, Tom' and another that reads 'Linda, } > I love you, You are the only one for me, yours forever, Tom.' } > Davey then calls Linda's best friend and tells her that Tom is two- } > timing Linda and seeing someone named Susan, and to look in the } > newspaper. Eventually Tom will convince Linda that this is a case } > of mistaken identity, and she will quasi-forgive him. } > About a week later, while Tom is out, Davey goes to his apartment } > dressed as a delivery man. He leaves a package with the neighbors } > and instructs them to give it to Tom as soon as possible. Tom } > returns late with Linda (they went to dinner) and the neighbors } > bring over Tom's package which he dutifully opens. Inside he finds } > a collection of low grade porno films, and an invoice. By this time, } > Linda is so turned off, she vows never to speak to Tom again. } > The next day, Davey 'happens' to run into Linda and tells her } > that she looks like she needs someone to talk to. The rest is } > history. } } Sniff, sniff, I always cry at happy endings. } } You owe the Oracle one box of Kleenex --- 313-10 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: arf@mentor.cc.purdue.edu (The Nefarious Scotto) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Which is better, rec.humor.funny, or alt.sex.sheep? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hmm. The Oracle loves making subjective judgements, as if you hadn't } guessed. Even though your question shows a completely improper lack of } respect for the Oracle's superior opinion, he will share it with you } anyway. Anyone needing an answer to this question deserves a little } mercy. } } The easiest way to make this choice for yourself is to look at both } newsgroups side by side. } } rec.humor.funny alt.sex.sheep } --------------- ------------- } New sheep jokes Old sheep jokes } Ethnic jokes Ethnic jokes with sheep } Shaggy Dog stories "Soft wool" dissertations } rot13 applied to stories rot13 applied to stories } with sexual overtones that mention "lambchops" } Warnings and threats Warnings and threats } Monthly administrative Monthly "Frequently Asked } posts Questions list (33rd rev.)" } Annual jokebook sale Annual shearing festival } Brad Templeton "shepherd@looking.on.ca" } } As you can see, there's no discernible difference. } } You owe the Oracle a complete set of rec.humor.funny jokebooks, bound } in lambskin.