From oracle-request Wed Mar 23 16:24:15 1994 Received: by moose.cs.indiana.edu (5.65c/9.4jsm) id AA01723; Wed, 23 Mar 1994 16:24:15 -0500 Date: Wed, 23 Mar 1994 16:24:15 -0500 From: To: oracle-list Subject: Usenet Oracularities #638 Reply-To: oracle-vote X-Face: #uz~Ma5G?lX"lQv,9/$d0hEy7pk]l$U^|3Otd8>?b"!\/AE_F0Lm!['3"[}DQFw9 qxsx)mp$|3:}1pa:lK6H"H8TH+;E(w1r09e:3vpnx4zyC.v?+v%088"=)bs-,Q[: c2NWk',v>VQ^Hhf_zG5Okg;[vkGO%8`7T*XW0SepJNfCbVa",Dmvk-C/K|-uX*!e uK1Yc!-``R-$q(;"a@3 sgw_x[EK!Z)HJ~yxbd+mg{krWs0NA!1h/aXR X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces. === 638 ================================================================== Title: Usenet Oracularities #638 Compiled-By: "Steve Kinzler" Date: Wed, 23 Mar 1994 16:24:15 -0500 To find out all about the Usenet Oracle, including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 638 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 633 63 votes 29hle oic63 4cncc 39jjd 4emda 1dmed 6goe3 5drf3 5ckce cgo74 633 3.1 mean 3.6 2.1 3.3 3.5 3.2 3.4 2.9 3.0 3.3 2.6 --- 638-01 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: David Sewell The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh bastion of knowledge, riddle me this: > Why is it that Armenians look so comical in full battle dress? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You should see them in half battle dress! --- 638-02 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mark McCafferty The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Hi! I just thought I'd try a null query, but it doesn't seem to work > very well. Am I doing anything wrong? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The null query is not as easy as it looks. Usually the only ones who } can ask it properly are highly trained Zen monks. } } It takes many, many years of meditation before you can clear your mind } completely. As long as you have any lingering thoughts or questions } in your head ("Am I doing this right?" "How much longer do I have to } sit here?" "Will that girl in the lotus position across the room sleep } with me?") there will be no room for the null query. For the null } query, although it takes up no room, must completely fill your mind. } } Once you have made your mind Void (or at least (void *)), you will be } ready to ask the null query. However, you will then realize that } you, yourself _are_ the null query. Very few then have the courage to } ask the question, for if the answer too is null, what then does } existence mean? } } My advice is not to worry about it. You should instead ask me if } that girl in the lotus position across the room wants to sleep with } you. You might find the answer surprising (unless, of course, you } expect the answer to be no). } } You owe the Oracle exactly a half-pound of Nothing. --- 638-03 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: jrp@widcat.widener.edu The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Do You know why I can't connect to any internet site? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Humble supplicant, } This reason could be for any one of a few reasons: } } a) Your computer isn't turned on. } b) Your computer isn't plugged in to the network. } c) You're running an operating-system made by Microsoft. } d) You don't actually have a computer at all, or an account on one, and } your appeal came directly into the Oracular mailbox by telepathy. } } If you are sure that the reasons above cannot be stopping you from } connecting, then the only reason for your not being able to connect } anywhere could be: e) You are on BITNET. } } If so, the Oracle can help no further.. --- 638-04 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: forbes@ihlpf.att.com (Scott Forbes) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > money? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } yes, please --- 638-05 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: David BREMNER The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > How does that one pubic hair get eye level with you in the shower? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } None of your damn business! } } Honestly, just 'cos I'm an Oracle, people think they can pry freely } into my private life! } } You owe The Oracle a bit of privacy. --- 638-06 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: David Sewell The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh wise & magnifique (wow, French) Oracle, whose fallen hair I'm not > worth of using as floss, answer me this one short question: > > Why must FORTRAN persist? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Oh dear. } } This is a question that the Oracle had very much hoped would never be } asked. Please keep it to yourself, OK? } } FORTRAN uses a device called COMMON blocks to save memory in large } programs. Well, in the early days of computing, memory was REALLY } tight. No, even tighter than that. It was so tight that FORTRAN } compilers were written to share memory through _enormous_ common blocks } with other processes. And then with other computers. And finally, } with people. That's right: Everyone is actually timesharing his memory } with FORTRAN programs all over the world. } } But it gets worse. } } The address space is full. No more left. So, if FORTRAN were to cease } to exist... } } Don't tell anyone, OK? } } You owe the Oracle four gigabytes of RAM from your left cerebral } cortex. --- 638-07 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "C. S. Fungaroli" The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Hey Every one! > > I'm asking you a question: > > what to you know about DMA controller? > Can you name me any literature about it? > answer is wanted !!! > > better if you mail to me directly. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Why would you want to control DMA? Didn't } "Jurassic Park" teach anyone a lesson? } } You owe me a Junior Chemistry Set. --- 638-08 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dr. Noe The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle, > > Since you are at an .edu address, I assume that you had spring > break some time recently. So, what did you do? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } AVISO: !El prisionero T. Usenet Oracle no se permite recibir } correo electronico! Usted puede escribirlo a la dirrecion: } } T. Oracle } Prisionero no. 42 } Carcel Municipal de Cancun } Cancun, Mexico } } Para su informacion, Sr. Oracle esta acusado de los crimenes } siguientes: } } * Disturbio de la paz } * Manejando un automovil sobre la influencia del alcohol } * Defecacion publica en la playa } * Solicitacion de prostitutas } * Vomitando sobre un agente de policia } * Indecencia publica con un burro } * Imitaciones miserables de Cantinflas } } Usted debe al Jefe de la Policia 50,000 pesos para liberar el } Oraculo... --- 638-09 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: RICH MCGEE The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } No, just because you won an Academy Award for "The Piano" doesn't } mean you can be an Oracle Priest. } } You owe the Oracle a VT-100 implementation of sign language. --- 638-10 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Jonathan G. Monsarrat" The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Is there anyone that you know of who would be willing to try to > start an e-mail pen pal relationship? I am a freshman at > Lindenwood college in St. Charles, Missouri. I would just like > someone to talk to over the wonderful world of the internet. > > Please respond if you know anyone willing. Thank you. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hi, the Oracel^H^Hle sent me your message. I'm Jason Chung from } the 5th grade in Brightwood Elementray School, Monterey Park } California, home of the Geniuses! Brightwood Rules, YEAH! I } never talked to a college dude before, do you think E-Mail is } K00l? I do! I had a uncle that wnet to Missouri once, he said it } was too flat and wet. We have a cabin up at Lake Arrowhed we go } to in the summer. So how can you live someplace with no } mountain? Except here usually so much smog you cant see it } anyway. Know what I did in the Earthquake? Peed in my bed!!! } (no just jokeing) So can you help me with Long Division, if I } send some of my Homework to you? Anwyay, maybe if youre studying } Cantonese in college we can trade. Hey, you know Mike Woo who } almost won for mayor of los Angeles, his family lives down the } street from me. When he visits he says "hay Jason, hows it } goin?" Hes cool, too bad he lost. You ever watch the Power } Rangers? We made a Power Ranger game where they all catch Barney } and beat him up, ha! ah!ha!ha! Barney is for babies. (Oh, sorry } if you watch Barney) So anyway tell me all about colledge, do } you have lots of girlfieds you smooch with? Wooh-Wooh!!!! My } friend Long went in the girls bathroom at school, did you ever do } that? } } Oh I have to go but I forgot to tell you, I shared your e-Mail } with my whole class so youll have lots of people to write to!! } (Good Luck with Kuo-Ching, he just moeved here from Taiwan so you } might think his English is Chinese! Also watch out for Howard } hes a queer. No Eddie made me say that!!!) So expect LOTS AND } LOTS of eMail from your freinds at Brightwood!!!! } } Your friend, } Jason