From oracle-request@cs.indiana.edu Mon Mar 23 00:10:33 1998 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by sunos.cs.indiana.edu (8.8.7/8.8.7/IUCS_2.16) id AAA11750; Mon, 23 Mar 1998 00:10:33 -0500 (EST) Date: Mon, 23 Mar 1998 00:10:33 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <199803230510.AAA11750@sunos.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #997 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with ftp.cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces. === 997 ================================================================== Title: Internet Oracularities #997 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Mon, 23 Mar 1998 00:10:33 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 997 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 992 99 votes 975iY 2eAwf nozc5 7uxm7 7gwtf 5kAt9 cDz85 oung6 gguod 7kpvg 992 3.1 mean 4.1 3.4 2.5 2.9 3.3 3.2 2.5 2.5 3.0 3.3 --- 997-01 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Michael A. Atkinson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Captain's Log, Stardate 54324.5: Starfleet Command has directed the > Enterprise to do a preliminary exploration of planet M22 in advance of > a full research team. Scanners report the atmosphere to be breathable, > but are recieving confusing readings with regard to life forms. I am > beaming down with a landing party composed of all our chief officers > except for poor Scotty. > > Supplement: Redshirt Riley has received a head injury, apparently > while exploring under a high rock shelf. He reports only hearing a > loud sound and jumping before being struck. After examination by Dr. > McCoy he has been judged capable of continuing duty. > > Supplement: We have encountered an alien creature on this planet. > While it does not itself seem menacing, a unfortunate occurance took > place when it was present. Specifically, on my orders Lt. Sulu > withdrew his phaser. The creature disappeared leaving a puff of smoke, > immediately following which a loud noise was heard next to Sulu. Sulu > fired, hitting Ens. Chekov. Oddly enough, although Sulu's weapon was > set to stun, Chekov was also covered with a black powder similar to > soot. Mr. Chekov has been sent back to the ship for examination and > quarantine. > > Stardate 54326.2, Mr. Spock reporting: Tricorder readings indicate > that the creature we encountered earlier is constantly moving at great > speed over the surface of the planet. We have encountered the creature > once again. In an attempt to slow the creature for study, I attempted > to fire on it. The creature, however, appeared to move faster than the > phaser beam. Regretfully, the beam struck an outcropping of rock above > the Captain's head, causing it to break off and fall. Although it > appears that several tons of rock fell squarely on the Captain, he was > driven straight into the ground but apparently not seriously injured, > though stunned. The Captain has been beamed up to Sickbay, leaving me > in command of the research party. > > Captain's Log, Stardate 54342.1: The creature is still at large on the > planet surface. While Mr. Spock continues to lead a research party I > am currently at work with Mr. Scott on an Acme Pressure Cooker for our > lab, for when the creature is finally apprehended. > > Captain's Log, stardate 54342.3. The strange occurences that have > dogged the landing party since our arrival at this planet have led me > to believe that the creature is in some way directly responsible for > them. Mr. Chekov and I have both been declared fit for return to duty, > though Dr. McCoy has entered in his medical log that he feels we should > be kept under observation. Mr. Spock has constructed a device which he > suspects should be able to counteract the creature's incredible speed > as follows: We have placed a dish of birdseed out in the open, with > several signs pointing to it. The dish is atop a cleverly concealed > trap door, which will open when any weight falls on it. The creature > will then travel a slide, eventually being deposited in a cage > constructed of sheets of transparent aluminum. We will then be free to > analyze it at our leisure. Meanwhile, I have forbidden all beaming > down to the surface of the planet except on my or Mr. Spock's direct > order. > > Captain's Log, supplemental. The plan failed. The creature was indeed > lured by the birdseed, as expected. It sped to the dish, consumed the > bait, and sped off without setting off the trap. Mr. Spock is as > puzzled as I, and has begun tests to discover the flaw in the design. > I have sent out three search parties to see if we can box the creature > in, one headed by Mr. Sulu, one by Mr. Chekov, and one by Sociologist > Xontel. > > Captain's Log, stardate 54342.8. Sociologist Xontel has been > temporarily incapacitated. In pursuing the creature, he and his men > somehow managed to cross the place where Mr. Spock's trap was set just > as he completed the corrections to it. The trap was sprung, and all > four of my men were suspended for a moment in mid-air, puzzled, just > before they fell into the cage we constructed. We are now trying to > release them with phasers, as the lock was inadvertently smashed by the > impact from Sociologist Xontel's foot as he fell. I consider this a > major setback. Mr. Spock considers it "fascinating." > > Captain's Log, stardate 54343.4. In an all-out attempt to stop the > creature once and for all, I have had a phaser rifle beamed down from > the Enterprise. The creature has behaved in an extremely cunning > manner, yet I am unsure whether this is a sign of actual intelligence. > Lt. Uhura has been unsuccessful in her attempts to raise Starfleet > Command. Meanwhile, Mr. Scott informs me that our dilithium crystals > are deteriorating at an alarming rate. He has juryrigged a system that > will prevent the decay for a time, but it is imperative that we find > new crystals soon. > > Captain's Log, supplemental. Mr. Sulu reports high energy tricorder > readings from an area of the planet in which the creature has not yet > been sighted. He has taken a small party, including Mr. Spock, to the > high-elevation spot from which the readings emanate. I have begun to > analyze the creature's movements. It seems to travel consistently over > a set path. Perhaps we can corner it in a tunnel it seems to pass > through frequently. > > Captain's Log, stardate 54344.7. Mr. Sulu has located a cache of ACME > dilithium crystals atop a high cliff. Regretfully, while collecting > them, the edge of the cliff broke off, and he and Mr. Spock plummetted > several hundred feet to the ground below. Strangely enough, they both > survived the fall with no more than raising a cloud of dust on impact, > although they did pass the chunk of rock on the way down and end up > completely buried. A rescue excavation has commenced, and they should > be safe shortly. > > Captain's Log, stardate 54344.9. Mr. Spock has beamed up to the ship > with them to assist Mr. Scott in their installation, as he forsees > compatability problems. Back on the planet's surface, Mr. Chekov led > seven men into the tunnel in an attempt to capture the creature in > transit. A loud BEEP, BEEP was heard, and Chekov aimed the phaser > rifle and commanded his men to spread out. I wish to state for the > record that I would have acted similarly, and that Ensign Chekov should > in no way be held responsible for the unfortunate circumstances arising > from the unexpected appearance of an old Earth-style freight train. He > has been beamed back up to the ship with minor injuries. > > Captain's Log, stardate 54345.1. Dr. McCoy has beamed down with a hypo > containing a mixture of kyranide, tri-ox compound, Scalosian > concentrate, a theragram derivative, and some other items he found in > unmarked containers in Sickbay. By injecting a small amount into each > member of the landing party, I hope to be able to deal with the > creature on its own high speed terms. > > Captain's Log, supplemental. The latest experiment to deal with the > strange creature has failed. As Dr. McCoy was injecting a measured > dose of the compound, it abruptly appeared behind him and uttered a > loud BEEP, BEEP! Dr. McCoy, understandably flustered, accidentally > pressured in the entire contents of the hypo into his arm. A full > security team is in pursuit of him, waiting for the effects of the drug > to wear off. > > Captain's Log, stardate 54345.2. I have ordered the landing party > transported back to the ship. The new dilithium crystals have been > successfully installed. On my responsibility, the ship is preparing to > engage main phasers to attack the creature, which continues on its > semi-erratic course across the planet's surface. > > Captain's Log, supplemental. This is a warning to all other starships > that may pass this way. Do not approach this planet! The illogical > events occuring here are too much to overcome with simple science. If > you have heard the events transcribed in the rest of this log, you will > learn that this creature is nearly undefeatable. We channelled full > ship's power through the phaser banks. Theoretically, the creature > should have been destroyed; however, the energies were too much strain > for the ACME crystals. The full force of the phasers backlashed over > the Enterprise, engulfing her completely. At first, the only > noticeable effect was a complete failure of all systems save emergency > gravity and life support. Then a web of black lines spread through the > Enterprise's superstructure. Next, the ship began breaking up, piece > by piece, falling through the atmosphere to land on the surface of the > planet. When the ship had collapsed entirely, my crew was left hanging > in space for a short time, and finally each of us began to fall to the > planet below. We have no theories on how any of us survived, but every > crewmember has reported nothing more than a sense of uneasiness, > followed by the realization that they were several hundred miles up in > the air, a sinking sensation, and then a gradual drop: first the feet, > then the body, and finally the head, usually wearing a resigned > expression of perplexion. We are attempting now to communicate with > the creature in the hopes that it will prove intelligent. Perhaps we > can communicate our peaceful intentions to it. Mr. Spock has > constructed a crude rocket launcher from the wreckage of the ship, and > with this we hope to send the recorder marker up into space, where > hopefully someone will find it. Captain James T. Kirk, of the United > Federation of Planets, Captain of the Starship Enterprise, recording. > > _____________________________________________________________________ > You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. > Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com > Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } WOW! What a story! Is it true? Can I really get free e-mail? --- 997-02 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Rich McGee The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Admit it, your the devil, aren't you? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } No, just a mail daemon. --- 997-03 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Julsy" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > The Internet Pathetical is pondering your question. > > Expect an unfunny one line answer with a free email server signature > attached in a day or two. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hohohohoho, it's MUUUUCH worse than you think... } ______________________________________________________ } Grope Your Privates, Flee Email at http://www.sotmail.com --- 997-04 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Julsy" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle whose wonderfulness is surpassed by none, whose features > are finely chiseled like a fine sculpture, and whose mirrors gleam > with His image, even when the glorious beauty Lisa chooses to throw > something at them in anger, with her fine delicate hand, attached > to her svelte yet muscular arm, connected to her luxurious shoulder, > which is located near her exquisite hair....uh....er.... > > (fidgeting) > > Oh fantabulous Oracle, who makes women swoon with undying affection, > but whose heart is captured and captivated by the endlessly > trance-inducing Lisa, whose eyes shine like the sun but whose tender > flesh one yearns to....uh.... > > (cough cough) > > Oracle most great, most spifferific and totally super omniscient, > whose extraordinary stupendousness is unsurpassed by none, and whose > knowledge knows no bounds, like the fair Lisa's beauty knows no > bounds, and how her pretty skin glows through the window panes in > her dressing room....(gulp) > > Oh Oracle, please answer my plea: > > What was the man caught stalking Steven Spielburg planning to do > with him and his family? What is the significance of the fact that > he carried handcuffs and razor blades and chloroform in his car? > > ~ most humble supplicant And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Ah, young supplicant, your adulation shows great promise. In fact, } you might even be able to contend for the priesthood. I can visualise } you there, standing aloft in your chamber/dungeon, your hair a-flow... } your smile a-gleam... your soft robe swaying with the movement of } your supple body... } } Ahem. Well, anyway, in order to apply for the opening, simply send } an form #16621.3/A.3 to my divine residence; do so by ordering } the form first, writing a letter... with those slender, dexterious, } agile fingers... those that follow up to your strong arms... your } coruscating eyes becoming me forth... } } Frbzzt. In any event, order form #00392/M.D.CRANIUM/B1FF. You will } have to undergo a few tests, several for physical fortitude and } a plethora to test for the ill mentality required by our priests. } Don't you worry about those physical exams! You'll do just fine. Why, } I can imagine you running the fields, the judge metering your speed, } your ample, err... brains jugging, bouncing, up and down. Hmm.... } } Darn! } } : Yes Lisa! I'm just writing some } email to another knowledge-craving supplicant. I'll be right with you! } } : Listen, supplicant. (Or, erm, may } I call you 'suppy'). I have to go now. As for your question, the } answer revolves around one of the payments some other unfortunate } supplicant had to appease me with, though I cannot elaborate, for } fear of superfluous police investigations. No, I didn't plan to } harm Spielberg. } } Umm, well just a little. } } Well, maybe more than a little. But anyho... } } : Orrie! C'mon, I'm ready! } } } } You owe the Oracle a new... err, priest. And Bacon. And Steven } Spielberg, after that mishap of an attempt. --- 997-05 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: David Sewell The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Which came first, the Chicken McNugget or the Egg McMuffin? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Actually, first came the McDoubleHelix. Millions of years later } a mass of McChemicals formed a cell wall, and a McBlueGreenAlgae was } formed. Later on, at some point in evolution, several of these } McBacteria formed themselves into a cooperate unit, the McEukaryote. } McPlants and and McAnimals followed, and produced the whole sorry } McMess that we have McToday. } } You owe The McOracle a McDoubleWoodchuck 'n wood burger. --- 997-06 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh, most wise Oracle, whose fashion sense is incomparable... > > Why do hip hoppers think it is cool to wear their trousers and caps > backwards? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } A good question, supplicant. The reason Hip-Hop fans wear various } articles of clothing backwards is in honour of one of the earliest and } most influential rappers of all time--MC Escher. } } It is well known in musicological circles that Hip-hop has been around } for centuries and has only recently come to light as a popular musical } form. Indeed, some scholars theorize that Shakespear's early plays } were in fact "Rap Operas". Of course, the audiences of the time } didn't get into it so he rewrote everything in iambic pentameter. And } eyewitness reports from the first performance of Beethoven's Ninth } Symphony hint at the existance of a rap solo in the middle of the } last movement. } } And so, into this world came MC Escher, a genius before his time. He } composed and performed such influential songs as "U Can't Sketch } This" and "Don't Grab my Pencil". Alas, as happens to such as he, his } audiences jeered him and shouted "sing the words" whenever he } performed. Eventually, alone and spurned by the world, he went mad } and was committed to an asylum after an unsuccessful suicide attempt } involving a dead fish and a number of elastic bands. } } His story would have ended there, tragically, were it not for a kindly } psychologist who encouraged him to take up sketching as a form of } artistic expression. This therapy cured him--although he would always } have trouble drawing things that could actually exist in } three-dimensional space--and made him famous. Eventually, he forgot } about music entirely. } } Indeed, his entire musical career would have been forgotten were it } not for a wax cylinder recording of one of his concerts that turned up } in the early seventies. Bootlegged tapes of this recording made their } way through the hip-hop underground until practically everybody had } heard it. Hip-hop, shaken from the rut it had been in for the last } century or so, progressed in new directions. Eventually, some rappers } became famous and so, in honour of the man who influenced them all } before becoming twisted inside, they wore their hats, trousers, shirts } or even shoes backwards. } } The fans, of course, just do it because their favourite rappers do it. } } You owe the Oracle a detailed musicological analysis of eighteenth } century industrial music. --- 997-07 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh dogmatic and catatonic Oracle, > > Is smoking _really_ bad for me? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } $ } | } 8^V } } 75 things that are really bad for you } } 1 Dental floss (Surprise!) } 2 Crossing the street } 3 Cows } 3 Repeating numbers in a list } 4 Grease (see #21) } 5 Crossing the Mafia } 6 Milk (cows again) } 7 Internal combustion } 8 Spontaneous combustion } 9 High stress } 10 Drugs } 11 Alcohol } 12 Being trampled (more cows) } 13 Eggs } 14 Chicken } 15 Bean sprouts (see #35) } 16 High voltage } 17 Deforestation (cow farmers) } 18 Reading too many lists } 19 Creating too many lists } 20 Breathing } 21 Eating anything that tastes good } 22 Drinking anything besides filtered water } 23 Leaving your bed unmade in the morning } 24 Eating anything that came off of a paved surface } 25 Beef (damn cows!) } 26 Loud music } 27 Not using dental floss } 28 Not breathing } 29 Filtered water } 30 Using a gas station tire pump for anything besides it's intended } purpose } 31 Assembly without the directions } 32 Touching bare wires (see #16) } 33 Using electrical appliances in the tub (see #16) } 34 Microwave foods (see #35) } 35 Foods that don't taste good } 36 Fast food (see #42) } 37 Global warming (Geez! What's up with all these damn cows!) } 38 Pulling the pin } 39 letting go of the handle } 40 Microbial infections } 41 Sterility } 42 Edible food-like substances } 43 Not eating } 44 Candy (see #21) } 45 Magnetic radiation } 46 Cold water } 47 Sleeping on the job } 48 Plastic utensils } 49 Metal utensils } 50 Too little sleep *yawn* } 51 Thinking too hard } 52 Radiation } 53 Too much exercise } 54 Playing with explosives } 55 Being immature } 56 Anything that feels good } 57 Too much sleep *yawn* } 58 Too little love and kindness } 59 Too many vegetables } 60 Anything that feels bad } 61 Too little exercise } 62 Repeating yourself too much } 63 Working too hard at play } 64 Playing too hard at work } 65 Contradicting yourself } 66 Not contradicting yourself } 67 Methane gas emissions (is there a bovine union or something?) } 68 Flying } 69 Whoa, this one speaks for itself } 62 Repeating yourself too much } 70 Diminishing water tables (these fucking cows are everywhere!) } 71 Smoking (see #56 and #60) } 72 Eating too fast } 73 Too little stress } 62 Repeating yourself too much } 74 Rushingyourselftothepointofexhaustion } 75 Annoying omniscient beings. --- 997-08 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: mchevalier@WELLESLEY.EDU The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O wise and comedic Oracle, who knows all the best jokes, please > tell me what is the joke that goes with the punchline: > "Wrecked 'em!? Dang near killed 'em!" And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Supplicant, you are of course referring to punchline object #43 in the } Object Oriented Writing library for the Joke++ language. This library } is freely available in the public domain. } } The Object Oriented approach to joke writing lets you reuse objects } which have been proven to be effective and bug-free with a high degree } of confidence. This will in theory reduce your development time. This } approach has been used effectively by sit-com and comedy movie writers } for years now. } } The punchline object you refer to is a child of leadup object #43, } usually involving some sort of uneducated person conversing with a } doctor following an accident in which something has been inserted into } an anal passage. In this object, the uneducated person is trying to } name the anal passage, whereby the doctor uses the medical term } "rectum". } } To use this object set, you need to pass the variables "Yokel", the } optional "OtherYokel", "ThingInsertedIntoLowerBowel" and "Incident" to } MedicalLeadupObject43. MedicalLeadupObject43 will then call but pass } no variables to its child PunchlineObject43, which returns the boolean } 1 or 0, depending on whether you get a laugh. MedicalLeadupObject43 } returns a null value, and the joke terminates. } } This can be overridden by using the /M (Monologue) switch when } compiling, where it loops to the next object in the routine until a } terminating condition is met. Standard terminating conditions include } "BooedOffStage", "SitComTerminated" or "You'veBeenAWonderfulAudience". } } The objects used in the Developer editions of Joke++ (used in } Hollywood and other places) only differ from the Standard variety in } that a value of 0 returned to a Leadup Object will cause that object } to call a CannedLaughter object before joke processing terminates. You } can pass either "Snicker", "Laughter" or "Uproar" to CannedLaughter. } The special English Developer edition also allows the variable } "Ooo-Aah!". } } As a public domain library, many new objects are added by users each } year. Last year, for example, included the ShowMeTheMoney object. } } At the same time, many objects fall into disuse. These include the } OneOfTheseDaysAliceOneOfTheseDays, WhatYouTalkingAboutLewis, and } HeyRockyWatchMePullARabbitOutOfMyHat objects. } } When using the library, you should be aware that some Leadup Objects } have several child answer objects (WhyDidTheChickenCrossTheRoad), } while others have only one. } } Jokes compiled using the Object Oriented Library for Joke++ are } particularly susceptible to the Heckler virus. This virus actually } reads ahead in the data, and interrupts processing. It has been known } to cause memory overwrites and other routine interrupting processes. } In some cases, the Heckler virus has been known to complete the } routine in a more orderly and funny fashion than Joke. The only way to } get rid of this virus is by either ejecting, or to delete and } reinstall. You can include jokes in routines compiled using the /M } switch to defeat infection. Not all are successful, as the Heckler } virus mutates, and its approach is not consistent. } } Other objects available include: } } LeadupObject PunchlineObject } } Do you want to play around? What, you've got golf clubs } in there too? } } You blew a seal... No, I just had an ice cream! } } Luser Where's the "any" key? } } Meaning of life 42. } } Woodchuck ZOT! } } There is still some peculiar behaviour, even in a library this well } developed. For example, failing to include a Grovel variable in the } OracularTellMe object will cause the OracluarAskMe object to call its } ZOT! child process unless there is a specific instruction manually } inserted not to. } } Whilst in theory this is a more effective way of writing jokes, all } original switches, including /DrinksConsumed, /OutWithTheBoys and } /SpousePresent should be entered when recompiling. Failure to do so } may lead to the YouHadToBeThere exception, or even worse, the } PoliticallyIncorrect error. The latter has been known to cause huge, } expensive and embarrassing system crashes. } } You owe the Oracle the source code to the RandomMoneyGenerator object } in the JerrySeinfield library. --- 997-09 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: David Sewell The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O Awesome Oracle, whose refuse I am not worthy to bathe in, whose > toejam I am unworthy to lick up, whose intelligence boggles every > mortal mind, causing those minds to explode, wmitting a loud popping > sound, > What's this dumb Juno tagline doing here? Does Juno feel like > they have to brand us? > > _____________________________________________________________________ > You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. > Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com > Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } And you thought you were simply getting free email when you signed up } for Juno, hmm? The truth is that Juno, Hotmail and other "free" } services are actually recruiting for the Internet equivalent of the } Crips and the Bloods. The signature file is actually considered your } "colors", and when the turf war starts you will be expected to track } down anyone from a rival service and kill him. Of course, at the same } time THEY will be looking for YOU.... } } Eventually the rest of society will tire of the carnage caused by this } blood feud, and laws will be passed forbidding more than three Juno } users to meet at the same time, flaunting a Hotmail .sig will earn you } jail time, and those who associate with "free" services will be } ostracized. } } You owe the Oracle a BlackList of stereotypical stupid people, and the } ISPs they use. --- 997-10 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: mchevalier@WELLESLEY.EDU The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > -1 = -1 ; like equals like > (-1)/1 = 1/(-1) ; replace equals by equals > sqrt((-1)/1) = sqrt(1/(-1)) ; take (complex) sqrt of sides > sqrt(-1)/sqrt(1) = sqrt(1)/sqrt(-1) ; sqrt(a/b)=sqrt(a)/sqrt(b) > -1 = 1 ; ? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } How did you get your hands on Clinton's plan to eliminate the national } debt? } } You owe the Oracle a $5 billion surplus.