From oracle-request@cs.indiana.edu Tue Jun 16 11:21:19 1998 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by sunos.cs.indiana.edu (8.8.7/8.8.7/IUCS_2.18) id LAA24531; Tue, 16 Jun 1998 11:21:19 -0500 (EST) Date: Tue, 16 Jun 1998 11:21:19 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <199806161621.LAA24531@sunos.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1028 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with ftp.cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces. === 1028 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1028 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Tue, 16 Jun 1998 11:21:19 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1028 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1023 85 votes 8orj7 6ssi5 9Amg2 7rwe5 3goph 1lqpc 05hpC 0gyu5 8kvga 5jnjj 1023 3.2 mean 2.9 2.9 2.6 2.8 3.4 3.3 4.1 3.3 3.0 3.3 --- 1028-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Julianna Avedon" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Dear Oracle, > > I've read a lot of your deep wisdom in the last days. And I read > that your question queue is getting rather full. I wonder how the > question queue of an Oracle looks like. Is it like a waiting room, > all the questions siiting there and waiting for you to shout "the > next please!" - or is it more like the queue at a British bus stop, > one after another? And what does a single waiting question do? Stand > there alone? Do the questions talk to each other while waiting? Or are > they confined to strict silence? Please pardon my inquisitiveness, > o wise Oracle. You are the font of my wisdom. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } LOUDSPEAKER: All w..dch..k questions to Window 42, repeat, All } w..dch..k questions to Window 42! } } #Qa00032: Are you done with that magazine? } #Qa99993: Yeah. I didn't even know they had National Geographic } in Sumer. You read cuneiform kid? } #Qa00032: Naw, I could look at the pictures though. } } LOUDSPEAKER: All w..dch..k questions to Window 42 repeat, All } w..dch..k questions to Window 42! } } #Qa10024: I SAID, I AM NEXT! I AM NEXT DAMN IT! } } #Qa99993: Get down kid... } } <> } } LOUDSPEAKER: All w..dch..k questions to Window 42, repeat, All } w..dch..k questions to Window 42! } } #Qa00032: Holy Cow. Is he dead? } } #Qa99993: Naw, he'll just hang out in limbo for a while then... } Look, a Priest. Act cool, act very nonchalant. } } #Qa57858: Sir, sir, read my plea! } #Qa47734: Cumon guv' giva man a read will ya? } #Qa19745: Your Holiness! Oh Saint of the... } Priest: Children, children, be patient. All in good time, all in } good time. Blessed are those that wait for the Digests } are for them! } } #Qa19743: Bless me! Bless me! } } LOUDSPEAKER: All w..dch..k questions to Window 42, repeat, All } w..dch..k questions to Window 42! } } #Qa99993: What a load of bull. We wait, we get answered and the } supplicants throw us back in again. Like we're going to } return with something new. Do they give us a grovel or } a good line? No, just get on the tram and off to the } queue, day in and day out. } } LOUDSPEAKER: All "What is life?" questions and Steve Wright jokes to } Window 9. All "What is life?" questions and Steve Wright } jokes to Window 9. } } #Qa99993: I saw Kendai once ya know. } #Qa00032: No! } #Qa99993: It's true, he was with a bunch of nasty questions, they } were beating up MIMEs in the bathroom. } #Qa00032: No! } #Qa00666: Hey, buddy got a light? } #Qa99993: Bug off Juno Scum! Get away from the kid. } #Qa00666: Just trying to get a light that's all, Just trying to get } a light. } } LOUDSPEAKER: All w..dch..k questions to Window 42, repeat, All } w..dch..k questions to Window 42! --- 1028-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle Most Wise; > > Is this seat taken? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Yes, it's very much taken with the beautiful female seat next to it.. --- 1028-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh, dreamy Oracle, who can name all the elements of the Lanthanide > series in his sleep, please tell me... > > What causes insomnia? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } ORACLE: That's a very good question supplicant. There are many causes } of insomnia. I'll need to ask you a few questions to determine the } particular one which afflicts you. This may take some time, would you } care for some refreshment? } } SUPP: Why, yes. Thank you. } } ORACLE: No problem. Hoi! Zadoc! } } (enter Zadoc, decked out in black jeans and shirt, tugging on his } goatee in deference). } } ZADOC: You bawled, oh stentorian one? } } ORACLE: I'll have double mocha espresso, and the supplicant would like } a dark french roast, cream, no sugar. And keep the refills coming. } } SUPP: How did you know? } } ORACLE: (raises eyebrow) } } SUPP: Oh. Right. Omniscience. But then why do you have to ask me } questions? } } ORACLE: It's more fun that way. } } SUPP: Oh. } } (Zadoc returns with the drinks.) } } ORACLE: Let's start , shall we? What is your occupation? } } SUPP: I'm a grad. student. In CS. (sipping coffee) This is excellent! } } ORACLE: Oh, yes. Only the best. (tastes his own) Ahhh. CS, hum? } That is a normal demographic for my supplicants. How long have you } been having this insomnia problem? (sip) } } SUPP: A few years now. (sip) Since I started grad school. (sip) But } it is getting worse. } } ORACLE: (sip, blissful look on face) And have you been programming late } into the night? (waves cup at Zadoc; points to supplicant's cup. Both } are empty, Zadoc refills them.) } } SUPP: (inhales aroma) All the time. (sip) } } ORACLE: (inhale, sip, sigh) And what is your environment like when you } do late night programming? (sip) } } SUPP: (sip) Well, I usually work i my office. (sip) I have one of } those ergonomic chairs, (sip) and I nibble on doughnuts and usually } brew a pot of coffee or two. (sip) By the way, where do you get your } French roast? This is much better than mine. (inhale, sip) } } ORACLE: It isn't available to mortals, but I'll get Zadoc to give you a } pound when you go. (sip) } } SUPP: Wonderful! (sip) } } ORACLE: (sip) And the lights in your office, (sip) are they } fluorescent? (inhale, sip, get Zadoc to freshen cups again). } } SUPP: (inhale, sip, sigh) Yes, and they are rather bright. (sip) } } ORACLE: (sip) Well, then, I have determined your problem. (gestures } with cup, drinks) All that sugar from the doughnuts, combined with the } bright light late at night (sip) is keeping your body awake. Lay off } the high calorie snacks, and use less light in your office at night. } (sip) Too much light at night makes your body think it is daytime, and } that messes up the daily rhythms. (drink) } } SUPP: (sip) Really? I didn't know that! (sip) Thanks a lot. What do } I owe you? (sip) } } ORACLE: Oh, (sip) let's see. (sip) Why don't you do some research and } see if you can find a cure for the shakes. (sip) My hands have been } shaky lately. --- 1028-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O most delicious Oracle, who understands how us ladies crave chocolate > and can't help ourselves... > > I just bought some little chocolate donut things from a coffee truck. > The ingredients are listed as such: > > Enriched flour, vegetable oil shortening (contains palm oil), sugar > and/or dextrose, icing sugar, cocoa, soya flour, vegetable oil, whey > powder, skim milk powder, modified starch, salt, dried egg yolk, > starch, glucose solids, glucose, baking powder, mono and diglycerides, > agar, locust bean bum, vegetable oil shortening (contains palm kernel > oil), sorbitan monstearate, polysorbate 60, monoglyceride citrate, > calcium sulphate, artificial flavour, colour. > > Would you please explain to me what all of those items are, and list > them in order of the most potentially toxic? Thanks! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, supplicant I detect five specific things mentioned in your } question. I will list them from Most Toxic to Least Toxic, as per } your request. } } * a coffee truck. } } This thing is a fortress of Toxicity! Basically it is a motor vehicle } designed to deliver drugs to people. The two main drugs are sugar and } caffeine, but if the driver thinks you aren't a cop you can purchase } a much wider variety of drugs from him. Then there is the truck } itself; Antifreeze, gasoline, brake-fluid, battery acid. . . I } could go on for pages, just take it from me, the thing is mega- } toxic. } } * little chocolate donut things } } Next in toxicity are these donuts. It is important to realize that we } have stepped down a =major= order of magnitude from the coffee truck } as to toxicity. You could actually -live- on these donuts, not really } healthy, but not toxic in the way Antifreeze is. } } * The ingredients: } Enriched flour, vegetable oil shortening (contains palm oil), sugar } and/or dextrose, icing sugar, cocoa, soya flour, vegetable oil, whey } powder, skim milk powder, modified starch, salt, dried egg yolk, } starch, glucose solids, glucose, baking powder, mono and } diglycerides, agar, locust bean bum, vegetable oil shortening } (contains palm kernel oil), sorbitan monstearate, polysorbate 60, } monoglyceride citrate, calcium sulphate, artificial flavour, colour. } } These are the items used to make the doughnuts, they are not anymore } toxic than the actual donuts themselves. In fact some of the items } are actually good for you (soya flour). Some are not (icing sugar). } And some are plain old weird (locust bean bums). But on the whole } (get it?) they are not Bad Things, and definitely are not Toxic. } } * ladies [who] crave chocolate and can't help ourselves... } } We have dropped another level of magnitude here. Such ladies are not } toxic in the least. In fact such damsels should be consider as Good } Things to have around the home as far as the Oracle is concerned. } } * [The] most delicious Oracle } } Several -thousands- of magnitude of difference here. I am not Toxic } by any definition. Though calling me "delicious" does require a } valid artistic license in most areas. } } You owe the Oracle The Pillsbury Doughboy's head on a greased cookie } sheet. --- 1028-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise and wonderful, > > Thank you very much. Your kind consideration and assistance > were invaluable. > > Signed, > Everyone on the planet And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } ORACLE: Zadoc, I got to run over to Athena's for a second. } You mind the terminal. } } ZADOC: Yes, Great One, Culmination of all Truth, Star of Knowledge. } } ORACLE: Now remember, we got to be -meaner- about the grovels. The } supplicants are slacking off. If you get a message that has, oh } say, a grovel that is less than one line long; Zot them! Do } you understand worm? } } ZADOC: Yes, Most Powerful Zephyr of Wit, Ship of Sanity and Stability, } Scourge of the Halt and Lame, Powerboat of the Rivers of Wisdom, } Dental Assistant to the Mouth Of Creation... } } ORACLE: Yeah, like that, but hopefully it will make more sense. So Zot } them if the grovel is weak, I don't care if it's from the } Pope. Zot them. } } [ Zadoc sits in The Chair at The Terminal thinking over and over, } "Must zot lousy grovels, not matter who...". DING! A message enters } the queue. Zadoc reads: ] } } > Oh Oracle most wise and wonderful, } > } > Thank you very much. Your kind consideration and assistance } > were invaluable. } > } > Signed, } > Everyone on the planet } } ZADOC: Well, the grovel is a tad weak, but they do thank him. } So surely that makes up for it, besides it is not the } worse grovel I have ever read... yet, } } [ Zadoc closes his eyes and sees the scowling face of the Oracle; } "If you get a message that has, oh say, a grovel that is less than } one line long; Zot them! Do you understand worm?" ] } } ZADOC: Oh dear. A thank you is not a grovel, and His orders -were- } quite clear. Oh dear, oh dear. } } [ZADOC closes his eyes and reaches for the Auto-Zot Reply button...] } } You owe the Oracle a Scorched Earth Policy. --- 1028-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Bill McMillan" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > If were not for you, life would be unbearable. I most humbly bow > before you as you are the kick ass of all Oracles. > > Please tell me: > > I fear the beast. It roams the dark corners of our world and casts > shadows of horror and blue screen death. It whispers lies of soon > to be release dates only to be delayed for months It is marked with > the symbol of the beast, that being "MS". It feeds on our stupidity > and eagerness for productivity. It's name causes instant death to > the weak and unknowing small business that has a good idea and has > worked hard to make it successful in a legal and straightforth manor > without being a bully or making life so unbearable that you have to > bend to it's will and live by it's rules and do as it says and the > more you try to resist it's power and turn to the other more kind > life-force the more you are sucked in and you end up drowning in a > sea of pastel colored windows . . . . . . > > It there hope? Will the beast and it serpent known as Intel be > destroyed? Will I be set free from the hell that tears at my soul? > Will the beast be cast from the garden so we may live free of fear? > Will the day come that windows will be only sheets of glass used to > look through? But MOST important of all, Oracle: when can I have > my Windows 98 and get rid of my pirated copy of Windows 98 Beta 3? > I've gotta have my 98!!!! > > See!! The beast is scratching at my door again!! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } (oracle:/home/oracle)# cat /opt/prophesies/book-of-marmoset/chapter3 } ------ } } 1 and thus, the beast did lay upon the land, having grown large and } slothful and no longer produced quality software, instead growing large } on the people who had already fed it by releasing new versions that } they must purchase to show homage to the beast. } } 2 it had upon it many heads, and each head did act as if it were upon } its own control, yet all did bow down to the one head, which was } unkempt and wore thick glasses and was unbecoming to look upon. } } 3 and all the heads of the beast did speak with one voice, } proclaiming to all across the land that its words were true. } } 4 and many did believe, for they had pointy hair and wore suits and } as such were easily swayed by the voice of the beast saying, "listen } unto me and buy what I say and thou shalt not be fired." } } 5 and many did believe, for they wore sport coats and had graduated } with a degree in MIS from the business school and as such were easily } swayed by the voice of the beast saying "listen unto me and continue to } support none else but me and thou shalt not be fired." } } 6 and many did believe for they only read PC Week and believed } anything they saw in advertisements and as such were easily swayed by } the voice of the beast saying, "listen unto me and thou shalt find thy } work to be faster and more fun than ever before, e'en when thou playest } not by yourself the game with cards." } } 7 and many did believe for they knew not of computers and used only } what the manufacturers supplied and as such were easily swayed by the } voice of the beast saying, "listen unto me, we know what's good for } you, think not for thine own self." } } 8 then from a land across the great ocean in the east (except for some } people who lived on the same land on the same side of the water and for } those he came from the north, or the west and even for a few he } came from the south) came a figure } } 9 who rode upon a mighty GNU and bore upon his left arm a shield and } upon that shield was the sigil of the penguin, mighty with fish, and } its name was Linux } } 10 and bore in his right arm a sword and upon the sword were graven the } words, "as the OS be free, so shalt ye" } } 11 and bore upon his brow (above his glasses) a shining star that bore } his name and his name was Linus. } } 12 and upon his left hand was an unkempt one, riding an even mightier } GNU leading a hurd of GNUs and his name was rms, } } 13 and upon his right hand was a horde of daemons, and upon their brows } were born their names, such as "Free" and "Net" and "Open" and a } multitude of others. } } 14 and greeting him stood one wearing a red hat, who grew more powerful } with every passing day across this land. } } 15 and behind them, on many forms of beasts of the land and beasts of } the water and beasts of the air came his prophets and disciples, } bearing many strange names that those of the land on this side of the } great ocean cannot easily pronounce and bearing many scrolls upon which } were written source codes that did have vast power. } } 16 and they did cry with one voice across the land, "no longer dost } thou need to be subjugated to the beast!" but the voice of the beast } was mighty indeed and few heeded their call. } } 17 so Linus and his disciples did spread across the land and they threw } open many doors and cast daemons inside and the people inside did } rejoice and become powerful. } } 18 and they visited many universities, where the students were too poor } to pay homage to the great beast, and they cast daemons upon them, and } the students did rejoice and become powerful. } } 18a (and still those who would follow Linus did pay small homage to the } great beast who's system requirements were so large that the } manufacturers did produce faster and cheaper and more powerful machines } that did make them even more powerful than the great beast) } } 19 yet still across the land the voice of the beast did cry louder and } the beast did still grow larger } } 20 until even the land itself did cast itself up to challenge the } beast. } } 21 and the beast did laugh upon the land and the land held the beast in } contempt until the beast apologised } } 22 and the land was so large and lumbering that it did accept this } apology even though it was not meant in truth. } } 23 then the beast did raise its voice even higher among the people } saying, "look unto the land, which hath wronged me!" } } 24 and the many people, being easily swayed, did agree with the beast. } } 25 then in the far west of the land on this side of the great ocean, a } great dragon did raise its head and did proclaim itself free with the } voice of one named Marc who did also speak for many, although unlike } the heads of the beast, the many did look up to the one called Marc who } had power enough against the beast to call it challenge. } } 26 and then in the far north, a most colorful hydra who did draw } pictures and write words and many things did raise its head who's words } were perfect and did proclaim that it did also believe the word of the } one called Linus. } } 27 and then did the star upon Linus' brow shine with a mighty light and } his shield shined with a vast shine and his sword did glow with a } wondrous glow. } } 28 though many with pointy hair and many with MIS degrees and many who } believed only the magazines and many who knew no better did still pay } heed to the voice of the beast, there were now many who could stand up } and proclaim themselves believers of the one called Linus for the great } dragon and the great hydra had given credence to his teachings. } } 29 so then many did cast their lot with him and followed him and became } also his disciples, though they did not always follow his teachings } exactly and there were many forms of daemons across the land, they did } band together, for they were open and free against the great beast. } } 30 and tho the great beast was large, it now had fear in its eyes } for the one called Linus showed no fear, tho he was tiny and the beast } was vast, for he had many followers at his side and at his back who } lent upon him their strength and they did challenge the great beast, } crying "As the OS be free, so shall the people!" } } 31 and tho the many people, still listening to the voice of the great } beast did not believe, many were no longer swayed by the voice of the } beast and the followers and disciples did have great hope in their } hearts against the great beast and grew more powerful at each passing } day. } } ------ } Thus spake the Oracle, which words were then placed forever in the } Oracularities digest. So it is written, so shall it be done. (If } the priests know what's good for them... Ahem.) } } You owest not the Oracle, but to listen and heed to the writings of the } third chapter of the Book of Marmoset and have no fear against the } great beast. --- 1028-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Rich McGee The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Does 10power9500 = Infinity? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } "Zadoc! Zadoc!" } } "Yes, O wise one." } } "How many monkeys do we have in stock?" } } "Many many millions of millions." } } "Could we get 10E9500 together in a hurry?" } } "We already have that many logged on to AOL and Juno, they are working } on the Shakespeare project." } } "And what have they done so far?" } } "We have had 2,976 complaints about them starting 'Make Money Fast' } schemes, 927 mailbombs, 27 bombs sent through the mail, and two have } been hit in the face with Belgian cream pies." } } "But have they written anything?" } } "There is this, all seeing one." } } Zadoc hands over a creased and ink stained sheet of paper, on which the } oracle reads... } } "To crash or not to crash, that is the question, whether it is nobler } in the end to suffer the GFPs and BSODs of outrageous redmond, or to } take CDs, and on this chip of troubles, install Linux, and get } something approaching reliability." } } "When shall we three meet again? } Installing NT is such a pain, } Fair is foul, and foul is fair, } I've a driver disk, I know, somewhere..." } } "One pound of flesh nearest his heart, it is here, written in the } licence agreement, and I shall have my licence." } } "We few, we happy, few, we band of brothers, from now to the ending of } the world, shall not St Crispin's day come round, and men shall say, } 'The damn thing's crashed again'" } } The oracle mops his brow, turns to Zadoc, and says, "If this is the } best they can do, 10E9500 monkeys is a *long* *way* off infinity. --- 1028-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Forbes, Michael Scott (Scott)" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle Most Wise; > > I have sculpted some fine caryatids of you, Lisa, Zadoc and Og. What > kind of public buildings should I use each of them for? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Thank you supplicant; it's a charming gesture and more than makes up } for the lacklustre grovel. I'll just ask Zadoc where he would like } his statue erected.... } } ZADOC! COME HERE! } } "Yes, oh most spendiforous and wondrous of oracles, oh radiant light } of the universe, oh pristine and opalescent diamond of all-" } } Oh, shut up. Zadoc, where would you like Me to put this statue of } your frankly unlovable self? } } "Oh most sublime and perfect and truly marvellous and-" } } ZADOC! } } "Oh greatest of Oracles, there is only one place I wish to be seen, } and that is Your Splendiforousness's Own Oracular Temple, where I } may bask for ever in the divine and serene radiance of your beautiful } blessed face, which gives light to all" } } *ZOT* } } That man gets boring after a while. We'll put Zadoc's statue outside } Quentin Crisp's house, as he is now a Crispy critter. } } Next! } } "Og see big rock. Rock look like Og. Og scared. Oh Or-a-kul, Og thump } Og head on ground, is there two Og now?" } } I hope not, Og, one of you is more than enough. Let Me take a look } at this caryatid.... hmmm, huge nose, uneven teeth, straggly hair, } receeding forehead, ... There's only one public building which this } belongs in, and that is the US Senate. Everyone will assume it's the } Chairman of Foreign Affairs or something. } } Now what is this vision of loveliness, this delight to the eye? } This is without a doubt a statue of the loveliest creature ever to } walk the earth. But before I get on to My statue I'll do Lisa's. } Lisa honey! Put down that copy of the Pop Up Karma Sutra and come } look at this lovely statue... } } "Gee, Orrie, a statue of *me*?" } } You bet, angel cakes. Now what building shall we beautify with- } } "MY THIGHS LOOK FAT!!!" } } Sweetie-buns? What? } } "Orrie, he's made my THIGHS look FAT!!!! The pig! I feel violated! } *ZOT* that statue!" } } But snookins, it's a gift from a supplicant. I couldn't- } } "You *ZOT* that thing this minute, Mister, or I'll never speak to } you again!" } } Heigh ho.... Well supplicant, I'm going to hide this one on level } twenty-three of the Black-Ops Nuclear Waste Storage Facility in } North Dakota. Sorry, but you know how women are... } } And now, the climax, the statue of My Oracular Self. No contest. } There is only one possible place for this likeness to go: on the } shoulders of the Statue of Liberty. Not only will it greet visitors } to the land of the free with its beauty and grace, but it will teach } a valuable lesson; for what is liberty without wisdom? } } You owe the Oracle... No you don't. One gift per question is the } tariff, and you've already given four. Although if you're feeling } generous, a statue of a thinner-thighed Lisa would be appreciated. --- 1028-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Bill McMillan" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle Most Wise; > > Is it best to eat an egg from the small end or the big end? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It's best to wait until it's out of the chicken. } } You owe the Oracle a promise that when he's over your house } again you won't serve omelets. --- 1028-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Great Oracle who, being all-seeing, is sadly unable to avoid watching > children's television, > > What are the words to the Mr. Roget's Neighborhood song? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Fortunately this incarnation lives in England, and has no knowledge of } this being you refer to as 'Mr. Roget'. However, having seen a large } purple dinosaur, of all things, being sickly sweet in an American } accent on TV, I'm not taking any chances of this one coming over as } well. } } The words to Mr. Roget's Neighborhood song (are you listening MI5, you } will have a talk with that nice Mr Birt at the BBC won't you?) are as } follows: } } Mr. Roget's Neighborhood Song } ----------------------------- } } We live in a brave free country } The English were much meaner } We're sailing down to the Falkland Isles } Which belong to Argentina } } Guns for the IRA } Bombs for the IRA } Support the IRA } Down with the English Scum } } We want to sell you tobacco } We know just how that sounds } But can you pass to Mr Blair } This check for a million pounds } } A passport for Al Fayed } A home for Mr Al Fayed } Support our great Al Fayed } Down with the Selfridge Scum } } That Ms Cherie is oh so fair } I'd like to squeeze her bum } I'd take a walk to Docklands } And sell the story to The Sun } } Freedom for the foxes } Safety for the foxes } Free living for the foxes } Down with the upper class scum } } You owe The Oracle a Tellytubby trap, and a big spray can of Blobby } repellant.