From oracle-request@cs.indiana.edu Sun Nov 1 08:35:30 1998 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by sunos.cs.indiana.edu (8.8.7/8.8.7/IUCS_2.19) id IAA00573; Sun, 1 Nov 1998 08:35:30 -0500 (EST) Date: Sun, 1 Nov 1998 08:35:30 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <199811011335.IAA00573@sunos.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1059 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with ftp.cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces. === 1059 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1059 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Sun, 1 Nov 1998 08:35:30 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1059 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1054 85 votes 9msj7 khli9 5qDf0 9bvig 8tri3 5fprd 6ewmb 3eIg8 4hmqg asuc5 1054 3.0 mean 2.9 2.8 2.8 3.2 2.8 3.3 3.2 3.1 3.4 2.7 --- 1059-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: surfbaud@waverider.co.uk (Dave Hemming) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle Most Wise; > > How can I tell if someone is lying to me? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The Internet Oracle's Top Ten Times When People Lie To You } } 10. You're female, the other person is male, and you haven't had sex } with him yet. } 9. The other person is a salesperson. } 8. You're male, the other person is female, and you're having sex with } her. } 7. The other person is a lawyer. } 6. You're male, the other person is male, and the topic is his sex } life. } 5. The other person is a politician. } 4. You're female, the other person is female, and the topic is her } lack of a sex life. } 3. The other person is on Usenet claiming to be an expert. } 2. The other person is yourself, and the topic is your satisfaction } with your sex life. } } And the number one time when people lie to you: } } 1. The other person is an Oracular supplicant and they say they have } never sent the Oracle The W**dchuck Question. } } The Oracle owes you a magic wish. No, really. Just grab the other end } of this staff. What are you talking about? It won't hurt. --- 1059-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: MCHEVALIER@WELLESLEY.EDU The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > The grandeur & magnificence of the Oracle can not be over-stated; > > When did the Scotch first develop tape? > What did they originally use it for? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } } } Aye, weel, it all stems back to that wee eeejit King Edward of England. } Nae doot ye will remember that King Edward always wanted tae crush the } Scots an' enslave them. He went sae far as tae steal the Stone of } Scone, the most ancient symbol o' Scotland. } } Noo, at that time (aboot 1310 or theraboots) the leader o' the Scots } resistance wiz Robert the Bruce, a brave man who wiz, sad tae say, a } leper. When he heard that the Stone wiz gone he yelled oot "Jings! } Crivens! Help ma Boab! We cannae have this sort of thing! We must find } some means o' stoppin' oor national treasures frae bein' stolen!" } } It sae happened that at that moment Morag, a wee witch frae the village } o' Kirriemuir, came knockin' on Robert's door to tell him that, while } she wiz stirrin' her cauldron, she had discovered a very strange goo } stickin' tae her bat intestines. Stickin' wiz the word. This goo stuck } tae everythin' it touched. } } "Minger!" screams oor Robert. "We can use that goo tae stick oor } national treasures doon! Nae Sassenach eejit will get them then! Only, } why don't we put the goo on some tape instead o' those intestines?" } } Sae they sent for a tailor and borrowed his tape measure and lo and } behold, the world's first SCOTCH TAPE was created! } } -But what did they use it for? } } Haud yer whist, supplicant, I wiz comin' tae that. See, when Robert saw } this bonnie new tape, he reached oot tae Morag and shook her vigorously } by the hand. Only, he wiz a leper, an'... the poor man's right hand } came off! } } Sae Robert sighed, picked up his right hand in his left hand, and said: } "Morag, pass me that tape..." } } } } You owe the Oracle a wee dram. No, better make it a big dram. Any } single malt whisky will do. --- 1059-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: surfbaud@waverider.co.uk (Dave Hemming) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } LISA IN WONDERLAND } } Chapter 1: The Search for Spot } } It was a sunny day, and little Lisa was traipsing along the road, } chasing her little cat, Ellwanger, who was called "Spot," because of } his fine stripy coat. She had wandered down this road many times } before -- had explored the sunny meadow to one side often -- knew every } hollow and hiding place in the woods on the other side. She could not } see Spot anywhere, and was very much annoyed by this turn of events, } for what is the use of a cat which is out of eyeshot? } Lisa arrived at the point where the road met the main lane to } London, and was much perplexed, as Spot had never run this far before. } She scrunched her nose for a moment, and turned around. But what was } this? Lisa had never seen the likes of this before, for there, by the } side of the road just as it curved, was a large oaken door, with a } handsome brass knocker. Lisa had seen such doors many times before -- } why, there was even on her very front door at home -- yet never one } quite so peculiar as this, for all the other doors she knew were } attached to frames, with frames attached to houses. But this was a } large, lonely-looking door, unfettered by anything in the world, on the } edge of the wood along the road. She pondered the door for a moment, } and stepped forward to open it, but it would not budge an inch, which } vexed Lisa very sorely. She walked around behind the door, and found } the back of a large oaken door, without a handsome brass knocker, but } with a little brass latch, which was latched. Lisa unlatched the door, } and walked through, whereupon she found herself beside the road, across } from the sunny meadow which she knew so well. Lisa was much nonplussed } by this turn of events, and turned around to behold the door behind } her. It was closed -- her governess had trained Lisa well in the art } of door-closing, which many Helpful Mnemonic Poems to help her, such as } Lisa's favourite poem: } } The fly which buzzes all the year } Is joy qua joy for all to hear. } But birds, which only sing in Spring } Are loathed; thus we have bird-hunting. } } which always helped Lisa to recall that she should close doors behind } her -- but Lisa soon reopened the door and passed through from the } meadow-side. } Lisa soon regretted her governess' fine job of training, as after } she subconsciously closed the door behind her this time, she found } herself in a very dark place indeed. } } Chapter 2: The Undiscovered Country } } This turn of events perplexed Lisa greatly, particularly as she } could not find the door-handle again when she turned to look for it. } She had no match, nor candle nor Zippo, so she merely grappled in the } dark for a while, becoming increasingly petulant as her search remained } fruitless. "Oh, dear, I'll never make it home for tea _now_," she } sighed. } "So have some here," called a voice behind her. Lisa whirled } around to find a smartly outfitted table, illuminated by an elaborate } candelabra of the best faux crystal, set with tea and biscuits. Lisa } was once more perplexed by these happenings, firstly as there was no } one at the table by whom she could have been called, secondly as she } was quite certain that the table and lit candelabra had not been there } just a moment before, and thirdly because there were no biscuits, but } instead a particularly (somewhat disgustingly so, Lisa thought, and } rightly so) soft white bread. } Lisa decided to talk to her companion. "Where are you, Mr --" } "Pack. But you may call me Malcolm." Just as these words were } spoken, an enormous rat (who proved to be the speaker of them) emerged } from the darkness around the table. He was clothed in the finest } fashions of the 1850's, and thus would have been singularly out of } place at either the Congress of Vienna or that of Berlin, which Lisa } immediately noticed. Her governess had, of course, taught her the } famous couplet about aristocratic European fashions of the 1850's. } "Please be seated." } Lisa obeyed -- she did not know how improper it was to take } orders from rats like Malcolm -- and soon began to inquire after where } she happened to be. "Mr Rat Malcolm," she began, "where might I } happen to be?" } The rat Pack seemed somewhat taken aback by this query; he } narrowed his eyes and finished chewing his bread before responding, } "Why, in Kinzleria, of course." } "I see," said Lisa, though of course she did not. Her governess } had not been very proficient at teaching Geography, and all Lisa could } remember of Kinzleria was that it was somewhat near Deliria. "Thank } you for your hospitality; it was most kind, but my Governess has told } me never to stay too long at tables frequented by unwashed } plague-carrying vermin, or that I might someday find myself married to } a Tory." She grabbed a considerable quantity of the spongy-looking } bread, stuffed in into her pockets, curtsied as prettily as she could, } and walked back off into the darkness. } } Chapter 3: Degenerations } } As she walked farther and farther from the table where she had } tead with Malcolm, Lisa noticed that there was an increasing spring in } her step. At first she thought that was due to something in the tea or } bread, but then she recalled that she had not consumed either, and that } it therefore could not very likely have been something she ate. } Nevertheless, she found herself (rather to her chagrin) bounding higher } and farther with every step. } "This is a damned nuisance," she said, using a phrase she didn't } understand but with which her Governess frequently used, mainly to } describe her. } Shortly, though, she noted, high in the darkness above her, a } doorway, and although the door was closed, the doorjamb was made with } sufficient imperfectness that streams of light were visible. In spite } of all her jumping, she still could not reach even the very bottom of } the door. } "Oh, dear," said Lisa. "I'm not bounding nearly high enough. } Whatever shall I do?" } She tried jumping from one leg, and two legs, and using her hands } as well as feet to push off from the ground, and every trick she could } think of to propel herself higher, but all was in vain. Though she } sometimes came quite close, she still could not reach the door. } Lisa thought a bit, and wondered if there might be, somewhere in } the darkness around her, a tree like the one in the front garden of her } home; for that tree was wonderful for climbing, and, Lisa thought, } would be quite large enough to take her even as high as the door was. } After a brief search, she indeed found a suitable tree, and began, with } great delight, to climb. } She was not yet halfway to the door, however, when her foot } landed upon a very strange feeling branch indeed. The branch squealed } agonizedly beneath her foot, and suddenly was revealed to have a large } cat sitting on it, when the cat burst into a rage of phosphorescent } grandeur. "Why don't you look where you're going, young lady?" it } snarled, in a surprisingly sultry voice. } The cat looked terribly ugly and frightening to Lisa; part of } her revulsion was due to the sickly green pallor of the cat's glow, but } the larger disgust was wrought by the horrible ugliness of the cat's } face. It reminded Lisa strongly of the face of the horrible fishmonger } Mr Kelly, would lived down the road and who always made strange and } lascivious noises and gestures whenever Lisa and her governess walked } by. The horrible effect was made the more strange by the head being } squished sideways by Lisa's foot. } "I'm frightfully sorry, little cat," said Lisa rather } perfunctorily, "but I'm trying to get up to the door, and --" } The cat smiled at this, and Lisa stopped at the hideousness } before her. For the cat's smile was odd: sharp and irregular, and } strangely pointed. } "Don't let me hold you back, my dear girl," purred the cat. "But } perhaps I should point out that the way up is sometimes best reached by } going forward." With that, the cat's feet lost their luminosity, and } the effect was spreading up its legs. } "Oh, dear, cat," quoth Lisa. "You seem to be darkening." } "Indeed I am," said the cat, still smiling, "and I think I may } take you down with me." The disappearance was accelerating to an } alarming pace, and the cat's body was all but invisible in the } darkness. } "Good heavens, you are an opaque little feline! Whatever do you } mean by that?" said Lisa, rather alarmed. } "On the contrary, I am quite transparent," said the cat, and } proved in by becoming entirely invisible but for that sickly, sideways } smile, which hung as though suspended for a moment before disappearing } altogether. } With it disappeared the tree to which Lisa had clinging, and she } found herself falling to the ground below. } } Chapter 4: The Wrath of Khandai } } She landed, much to her surprise, on some parquet -- she was } surprised both because all the other realms beyond the door had been } floored with the creamiest of linoleum, and because the parquet was } under a blazingly bright light, which quite blinded her for a moment. } Once she recovered her sight, she discovered that she was not alone in } the Parquet Room; rather, there were two men in varying states of } inactivity with her. One sat cringing in a corner, speaking constantly } to himself in soft, fast, rhymed couplets; the other sat slouched in } the middle of the room, who was sporting a Maxwell's Equations t-shirt, } a loincloth, and elevator shoes and eating some pasty white bread, not } three feet away from Lisa. } Lisa was rather perplexed by this odd pair of characters, and was } going to ignore them completely -- a fate they clearly deserved -- when } she realized that that would make this chapter awfully short and } deviate from the precedent so foolishly created in past allusions to } Doyle and Austen. She turned to the one nearest her and said, "Excuse } me, but could you tell me where I am?" } The figure sneered contemptuously and went back to its studious } slouching. Lisa, fearing she had made some sort of faux pas -- her } governess had always warned her about something having to do with geeks } wearing lifts -- and retreated toward the corner, to speak with the } other fellow. Once there, she decided not to make the same mistake, } and so introduced herself by saying, "Hello. My name is Lisa. I live } upstairs from here. Haven't I seen you somewhere before? Anyway, I } was wondering if you could tell me precisely where I am." to which the } little sniveller surprised her by responding, } } O maiden young and lithe and fair, } You are approaching Orrie's lair. } } Lisa didn't exactly know what "lithe" meant, but it sounded like a good } thing, so she continued the conversation. } "So, who is this Mr Orrie and how do I get to his lair?" } } Orrie's better than them all; } To find him just go through this wall. } } He pointed to a nearby wall as he spoke, but his meaning was still } cryptic. } } "You know, I'd really think you'd be a more effective } communicator if you'd quit talking like that." } } I know, miss, but I must slog or he'll } *ZOT* me for not speaking doggerel. } } "What?!? You're not making any sense!" } } Orrie said, "Zadoc, do not } Quit rhyming or you'll get a *ZOT*." } } Lisa rolled her eyes. This fellow was clearly just as crazy as } the other. She turned to look for an exit. While looking, she heard } the mysterious Zadoc character mutter, "*You* try coming up with a } coherent rhyme for 'doggerel,'" which was followed by the most } horrendous noise Lisa had ever heard. She whirled around to find a } pile of ash being all that remained of Zadoc, while the slouching } fellow seemed utterly nonplussed by the turn of events. Lisa was } sorely vexed by the whole situation, until she noticed a hole in the } wall in front of which Zadoc had previously been cowering. Two birds } having been killed with one stone, she crawled through the hole. } } Chapter 5: The Final Frontier } } Once she emerged in the other side, Lisa found herself in a } tremendous chamber painted all in white, replete with a woman and man } dressed all in white. The woman was standing haughtily, and shouting, } but just at what she was shouting was a mystery to Lisa, for it did not } seem to be the man, who was cringing in a manner strangely reminiscent } of how the Zadoc had. Due to the size of the chamber and its poor } acoustics, Lisa could not make out at all what was being said, so she } approached them. } As she did so, however, the woman turned towards her, let out a } shriek, and said, "A spy! A spy!" } Lisa, not being the brightest bulb in the chandelier, turned and } looked behind her. Seeing no one, she turned back to the Woman in } White and asked, "Where?" } The Woman's countenance grew even more sour at this question, and } Lisa was rather afraid that the Woman might suffer an apoplectic } stroke. But instead, she asked, "Who dares to approach and speak so } casually to the Princess of the North? Matthew!" The man leapt to } attention at this. "Find out who the spy is and who sent her." } Matthew turned to Lisa. "Who are you, child?" } "I am Lisa, sir." } "And who sent --" } "MATTHEW!" interrupted the Princess of the North. "Are you not } going to tell me who she is?" } "B-but of course, your majesty. She is Lisa." } The Princess of the North fumed at Matthew. "You insubordinate } little fool! Don't you know I have excellent ears? I heard her very } well, and you needn't repeat everything she says!" } "Oh, but my dear, sweet Kimberley--" } "Quit your snivelling! There is no excuse for such conduct! } Keep it up and tonight you must once more face my Siberian huskies. . } .and believe me, they're feeling quite husky today!" The Snow Princess } growled at Matthew, who blanched and shrank from her. } Lisa was utterly befuddled. "Whatever is going on?" she asked. } The Princess of the North's fury was turned back towards Lisa by } this question. "The Spy! So you came back, eh? And I see your } pockets are loaded, no doubt with valuable treasures! You shall regret } that! I find you guilty of espionage, theft, burglary, and treason!" } Lisa was taken aback. "Do I not even get to be tried by a jury } of my peers?" } "A jury of your peers? But my dear child, we established clear } back in the beginning of chapter two that you had no match," the shrew } countered, "and how could one who has no match, and therefore no equal, } have peers? That is quite the lexical tautology. I sentence you to } ten aeons in The Machine." } Matthew gasped and fainted. } } Chapter 6: The Voyage Home } } The Princess of the North stamped her foot, and a snow-white } trapdoor opened. Two ghouls dressed all in white emerged, bearing what } appeared to be a large snow-white box, but it was rather hard to see } what was going on with everything being so very white. } "Timm! Choo! Get back in your dungeon!" cried Princess } Kimberley, and the two ghouls retreated to the nether regions from } whence they came, thoughtfully closing the trapdoor behind them. Lisa } wondered for a moment whether her governess had also trained them, } before her attention was diverted by the Princess telling her to enter } the Machine. } Lisa protested, "But how am I supposed to do that?" } The Princess was furious at such insolence. "By opening it up } and walking inside, you addlebrained addlepate!" } Matthew was somewhat brought back to consciousness by the noise, } and sat up partways. } "Oh. Before I go, I'd like you to know that I think your accent } is really annoying," said Lisa, and opened the Machine, preparing to } face a near-eternity of anguish. As soon as she had pulled open the } latch which barred the Machine closed, however, the door popped open } and out came a stately middle-aged gentleman wearing stylish purple } robes emerged. } "Deus ex machina!" cried Matthew, before fainting once more. "The } Oracle came out!" cried The Princess of the North, before } she was fried to a crisp. Then, suddenly, there was a blaze of light, } and Lisa found herself back on the road near her house, and little Spot } rubbing against her leg. } Lisa was beside herself with joy. "Oh, wonderful Mr Oracle! } However can I repay you for saving me?" } The Oracle smiled. "Just wait a year or two; you shall } adequately be able to thank me then, once you are a little more grown } up." Lisa hugged him tenderly, and he disappeared as mysteriously as } he came. } Lisa sighed after he left. "Come along, Spot, I have some bread } in my pock -- well, where did it go? I know I had it a moment ago!" } But the fluffy white bread had not teleported with her. "Oh, well. At } least I shall be able to tell Governess what a good girl I am." --- 1059-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle, you that does not tolerate fools, you that taught > Zeus, you that got Charon his job, I bow before you and ask; > > What is the Axiom of Choice? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, the "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" is off } tonight. May I suggest the "You can't teach an old dog new tricks"? } } Excellent choice waiter. What philosophical biography would you } recommend to accompany that? } } I would recommend a full bodied Socrates. The BC139 is especially good, } but perhaps a little pricy. } } Do you have anything a little cheaper? } } Of course, the BC142 is always a popular choice. Now, would the } children like to order? } } They're not big readers, what would you recommend? } } On the children's menu, we're doing a special on "A stitch in time } saves nine" with Sophie's World for dessert. } } Excellent waiter. } } [Family reads noisily for about an hour and a half. As they prepare to } leave the waiter returns]. } } *Ahem* } } Yes??? } } *Ahem* My tip......? } } Oh sorry, I forgot. "Keep a very small fold-up umbrella in your } briefcase. It may not be very effective, but will keep you reasonably } dry in an unexpected shower". } } I *hate* this job. } } You owe The Oracle a tip. No no, the real $$$$$ one. --- 1059-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Dearest oracle, who has a greener thumb than the jolly green giant > (tm), who every year plants the "Great pumpkin" vine for Linus (tm) to > see with snoopy (tm). Please tell me, > > Oracle oracle, quite contrary, > how does your queue grow ? > With questions from hotmail and juno > all lined up FIFO? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } In Bloomington did Kinzler Steve, } A funny humor-group decree: } Where Rec, the hierarchy, ran } Such boredom measureless to man } And pointless jokes on C. } So thrice the CFV's went 'round, } Dot humor saw two groups newfound: } And there were new jokes bright with humorous skills, } Where blossomed many a pun of subtlety; } And here was humor that could end all evils, } Digestions much like 293-03! } } But oh! that crappy online service which chanted } Of the ME TOO's did it over and over! } A cretin's place! so gawky and unwanted, } As its empty-headed lusers flaunted } Their pyramid schemes till they crashed the server! } And from this service, with morons yacking, } As if most of the head's O2 was lacking, } A massive cesspool momently was spewed: } Amid our cries of "Goddamit, we're screwed," } Dumb questions deluged in impressive scale, } With even some about the frinked ringtail. } And 'mid these brainless saps at once and ever } It flung up momently the xylem thrower! } Five million Marmotas with a frenzied motion, } The queue of questions they quickly overran, } Then caused some zotting measureless to man, } And sank in tumult that hurts to even mention. } And 'mid this tumult Kinzler hear from far } The Rhoddite readers declaring flame war! } The reader with the name of Joel } Wanted us to be his slaves; } Of him we thought "disembowel" } And the askme's came in waves! } It was a miracle of rare device, } A funny humor-group...but no! not twice: } A Juno with a queue-drainer } In an answer once I saw: } It was a very twisted mind, } All of those replies one-lined, } Looking like YES NO HELL ZOT. } Could we revive within us } The spirit that once was, } And go do something callous, } Like spear his corneas, } Or set fire to his hair? } The queue-drainer! Dumb as most lice! } And all will see him do well ne'er, } And all will cry, Not fair! Not fair! } His tiny brain, his vacant stare! } So send your tellme's at least twice, } And view replies with holy dread, } For he on purple 'shrooms hath fed, } And drunk the Jolt till sunrise. --- 1059-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mark Lawrence The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle Most Wise; > > Why does a mirror flip an image right to left, but not > up to down? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Easy, because your eyes are split along the horizontal axis, but not } along the vertical axis. This can easily be shown. If you send } something towards the mirror along the vertical axis, let's see, ok } urinate upwards towards the mirror while standing in front of it... } } [The supplicant does so and is splashed in the face] } } > I'm blind, I'm blind!!! } } You see. Oh, well, not exactly 'see'. I've not only solved your problem } but made sure that it's never a problem for you again. } } You owe The Oracle a periscope. --- 1059-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Darkmage The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle wise, wierd and wonderful - sorry most wise, most wierd and most > wonderful, please tell me: > > What is so new about New Age? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Wierd is spelt wrong. It's weird. Remember, the word is weird, too, } so its spelling has to be weird. } } The folks who invented it thought about calling it Old Age, but that } term had already been used. "New Age" was all that was left, Middle } Age also having been taken. It's the same old stuff that used to be } called "The Age of Aquarius" but never quite caught on among the common } folk because they thought it was "The Age of Aquariums" and were afraid } the cat would mess it up if they got one. --- 1059-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Instruct us Grand Oracle, spew forth knowledge and we will learn more > from the crumbs that we could from years of exhaustive research. > > How can we best understand wheat? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } dear Supplicant } } As always, the question already contains the answer. } } (w)HEAT: Lots of energy. Burn it, let it ferment, let it decompose. All } these natural processes give off lots of heat that could be harnessed. } If you think splitting uranium atoms give a lot of energy, just wait } until you try (w)heat. } } (wh)EAT: Lots of stuff to eat. You humans have this pretty much worked } out, but not all of it - stick to the starch. } } (whe)AT: This gets more tricky, but that is why the pay-off is so great } when you can crack it. Take AT(&T - added for camouflage) for instance. } } (whea)T: Explosive! Look at Mr. T. And all the T in China. And the } importance of the T in golf. } } (wheat): If you understand this you will instantaneously attain the } highest enlightenment. } } I happen to know these few crumbs will help you crack the next level of } the Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe game. } } You owe the Oracle the secret of how to get through that damn door on } the spaceship. --- 1059-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: surfbaud@waverider.co.uk (Dave Hemming) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh mighty and sweet-smelling Oracle, who truly knows > "Where's the beef?" and all other things bovine and > equine, enlighten this humblish supplicant who is > probably fit to clean up after your cattle but not > much else: > > What's this dead horse doing in my bathtub? > > -M.O.O. Supplicant And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } um...Trigger Treat? } } you owe the Oracle a tape of Halloween sounds --- 1059-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dr. Noe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle, Master of Syncretism, Wizard of Teleology, True Designer of > the Wheatstone Bridge; > > What will be the predominate Zeitgeist of the next millennium? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Most people in the next millennium will be... } } As flexible as Aristotle } As pleasant as Socrates } As fun as Seneca } As intelligent as Charlemagne } As brave as Copernicus } As idealistic as Machiavelli } As straightforward as Descartes } As altruistic as Marie-Antoinette } As sensible as Dickens } As open-minded as Freud } As religious as Nietzsche } And as magnanimous as Bill Gates } } You owe the Oracle a prize for not mentioning Bill Clinton.