From oracle-request@cs.indiana.edu Mon Dec 28 12:29:47 1998 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by sunos.cs.indiana.edu (8.8.7/8.8.7/IUCS_2.20) id MAA04503; Mon, 28 Dec 1998 12:29:47 -0500 (EST) Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1998 12:29:47 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <199812281729.MAA04503@sunos.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1069 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with ftp.cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces. === 1069 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1069 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Mon, 28 Dec 1998 12:29:47 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1069 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1064 96 votes 4kkyi 5rEm2 ahBo8 euyb7 6FDa0 pzmb3 8nyq5 8Doj6 grwk1 5fEt7 1064 2.8 mean 3.4 2.9 3.0 2.7 2.6 2.3 3.0 2.8 2.6 3.2 --- 1069-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Tim Chew" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > THE MATERIAL EMBODIED ON THIS QUESTION IS PROVIDED > TO YOU "AS-IS" AND WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, > EXPRESS, IMPLIED OR OTHERWISE, INCLUDING WITHOUT > LIMITATION, ANY WARRANTY OF MERCHANTABILITY OR > FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. IN NO EVENT SHALL > THE AUTHOR OF THIS QUESTION BE LIABLE TO YOU OR > ANYONE ELSE FOR ANY DIRECT, SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL, > INDIRECT OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES OF ANY KIND, OR > ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER, INCLUDING WITHOUT > LIMITATION, LOSS OF PROFIT, LOSS OF USE, SAVINGS OR > REVENUE, OR THE CLAIMS OF THIRD PARTIES, WHETHER > OR NOT THE AUTHOR OF THE QUESTION HAS BEEN ADVISED > OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH LOSS, HOWEVER CAUSED AND > ON ANY THEORY OF LIABILITY, ARISING OUT OF OR IN > CONNECTION WITH THE POSSESSION, USE OR PERFORMANCE > OF THIS QUESTION. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } By reading the first three words of this answer, you ("SUPPLICANT") } agree to pay the Current Incarnation Of The Internet Oracle } ("INCARNATION") a sum of $10,000,000 or the equivalent servitude of } SUPPLICANT's entire extended family at the rate of not more than $0.72 } per hour, at the sole discretion of INCARNATION. SUPPLICANT also } agrees that if this, the Incomparably Witty Answer Of The Internet } Oracle ("ANSWER") is published in the Annals That Will Withstand Time } Due To Their Extremely High Running-Gag Content ("ORACULARITIES") along } with SUPPLICANT's Pathetic Whining Grovel-Less Mumblings ("QUESTION"), } that SUPPLICANT will surrender any royalties thereto to INCARNATION, } regardless of how highly the QUESTION and ANSWER are regarded amongst } the ORACULARTIES and how many women throw themselves at INCARNATION. } } In the event that SUPPLICANT can not pay as required by INCARNATION, } SUPPLICANT must then be confined to an Institution For The Mentally } Challenged ("FUNNY FARM") where he shall spend The Rest Of His Days } ("ETERNITY") writing ANSWERs to QUESTIONs given thereto to him, } required to limit his ANSWERs to those involving Lisa, Og, Bill Gates, } Linux's superiority, and typing in the manner that a foreigner would } speak. } } SUPPLICANT is hereby notified that SUPPLICANT owes The Internet Oracle } another law firm. Thanks to INCARNATION, my current one will never } speak to me again. --- 1069-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Tim Chew" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O Oracle most economical, who can speak fluent Virtual Icelandic with > no unforced violations of Procrastinate, please tell me: > > Is movement driven by attraction or by greed? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } By Greed. Attraction has tried several times to get its driving } licence, but fails every time after the driving instructor gets angry } after it refuses his passes. Greed just slipped him a few dollars and } got it first time. } } You owe The Oracle some expensive aftershave and Attraction's phone } number. --- 1069-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Tim Chew" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > We know the answer to "How much wood would a woodchuck > chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" > > A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as woodchuck could chuck... If a > woodchuck could chuck wood. (how-bout dem apples?) > > Ok, but how many woodchucks would a woodchuck chucker chuck if a > woodchuck chucker could chuck woodchucks? > > Once you've figured that out, move on to the advanced puzzle: > How many woodchuck chuckers would a woodhcuck chucker chucker chuck if > a woodchuck chucker chucker could chuck woodchuck chuckers? > > well... the (woodchuck chucker) could chuck as many (woodchucks) as a > (woodchuck chucker) would chuck if a (woodchuck chucker) could chuck > (woodchucks). But only if he wanted to chuck as many (woodchucks) as a > (woodchuck chucker) could chuck, would he chuck as many (woodchucks) as > a (woodchuck chucker) could chuck. Thats up to the (woodchuck chucker). > simple. > > and... the (woodchuck chucker chucker) could chuck as many (woodchuck > chuckers) as a (woodchuck chucker chucker) would chuck if a (woodchuck > chucker chucker) could chuck (woodc>could chuck, would he chuck as many > (woodchuck chuckers) as a (woodchuck chucker chucker) could chuck. > Thats up to the (woodchuck chucker chucker). easy. > > now a tuffer one... > how much wood would actually get chucked if a woodchuck that could and > would chuck as much wood as he could got chucked by a woodchuck chucker > in the middle of his wood chucking? > > a little more advanced form... > how much wood would actually get chucked if a woodchuck that might > chuck wood, was chucked by a woodchuck chucker during his wood chucking? > > a little crazier... > how much wood would actually get chucked if a woodchuck that might > chuck wood, was chucked by a woodchuck chucker that might chuck > woodchucks, during his wood chucking? > > a little insane... > how much wood would actually get chucked if a woodchuck that might > chuck wood, was chucked by a woodchuck chucker that might chuck > woodchucks and who was in turn chucked by a woodchuck chucker chucker > during his woodchuck chucking? > > way to far... > how much wood would actually get chucked if a woodchuck that could and > would chuck wood hired a woodchuck chucker chucker as a bodyguard so he > could chuck his wood unmolested by woodchuck chuckers? > > someone stop me... > how much wood would actually get chucked if the woodchucks formed a > gang of woodchucks to ward off the woodchuck chuckers who were invading > their turf? > > I need help... > how much wood would actually get chucked if there were no woodchucks > around and out of boredom the woodchuck chuckers decide to give wood > chucking a try. > > my brain hurts... > How many woodchuck chuckers would a woodchuck chucker chucker chuck if > the woodchucks came to the aid of the woodchuck chucker chuckers? > > my ears are bleeding... > How many woodchuck chuckers would a woodchuck chucker chucker chuck > if the woodchucks came to the aid of the woodchuck chuckers? must... > get... a... life... How many woodchuck chuckers would a woodchuck > chuck if motivated ?.... And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Look I warned you guys. All of you supplicants think that you can just } ask the woodchuck question once to look tough in front of your peers. } But, it's once, it's twice, and before you know it you're mainlining } on woodchuck questions morning, evening, and night. You're resorting } to petty crime to afford your next fix of replacement w, o, d, c, } h, u, ad k keys for your keyboard. And the worst of it is, you start } building up a tolerance, and a simple woodchuck question doesn't supply } the same hit that it used to do. Oh no, now you're typing longer and } longer woodchuck questions, long enough to kill someone who doesn't } have the tolerance. And on it goes, until you're, ...... I mean look at } you supplicant, you're an unwashed, wild-eyed, gibbering, slavering, } incoherent wreck. (Editing Priest's Note: Most oracle users start } off this way, I don't think you've demonstrated any ill-effects of } asking woodchuck questions). } } Shut up Otis, *I* write the answer, you just decide whether it gets } in the digest or not. } } (You think I'm going to put *this* in the digest?) } } Yes supplicant, the only hope for you now is to completely give up, } go cold chicken. Yes, nothing but variations on 'why did the chicken } cross the road?' questions for three months, and if you can make it, } there might be hope. } } You owe The Oracle a list of nouns that are comprised of a noun and } an verb that can take that noun as an object, and a rusty hypodermic } needle. --- 1069-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Tim Chew" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > You want answers? > > } I want the TRUTH!! > > YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } At least, not until now. } } Now, ALL THAT HAS CHANGED!!! } } Because, at last, Zimbo bring you new protective gloves for the } Incarnation who needs to handle the Truth. } } Woven from toughened and morally stiffened fibres, the new Truth-O-Grab } gloves offer all the comfort of calfskin, with the hard-wearing } qualities of denim, and the protection of a kevlar condom. } } o Handle Truth with ease. } o Hold Conversations in comfort. } o Grasp Tenets with the surehandedness of a Bum-Faced Mountain } Goat with Hands. } o Finger the Entrails of Poisonous Mythical Beasts with Impunity. } } Only Truth-O-Grab offers you all this! } } BUT...there's MORE! } } Order two pairs of Truth-O-Grabs, and we'll throw in a } specially-designed set of rubber toe-stalls, ABSOLUTELY FREE! } } Order now. Phone 1-800-555-ORACLE. Lines may be busy, so if you can't } get through now, please call later. But do call. --- 1069-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Michael A. Atkinson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > () |-| |\/| () _|~ ~|~ \/\/ | _|~ 3 () |\| 3 , > > |-| 3 |_ |^ |\/| 3 ! _|~ () |\/| 3 () |\| 3 |-| /-\ _|~ > > _|~ ~|~ () |_ 3 |\| /-\ |_ |_ ~|~ |-| 3 |_ 3 ~|~ ~|~ 3 |\ _|~ > > |~ |\ () |\/| |\/| _\/ |< 3 _\/ |3 () /-\ |\ |> ! > > \/\/ |-| /-\ ~|~ ( /-\ |\| | |> () ? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } |\/| 3 ~|~ |-| | |\| |< _|~ ~|~ |-| /-\ ~|~ _\/ () |_| |\| 3 3 |> } ~|~ () _|~ ~|~ () |^ 3 /-\ ~|~ I |\| (- |_ 3 ~|~ ~|~ 3 |\ _|~ } |= |\ () |\/| _\/ () |_| |\ |< 3 _\/ |3 () /-\ |\ |>. --- 1069-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > 164.100.100.1 And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } I'm sorry, but your question "164.100.100.1" actually contains } a secret message hidden within its digits. Properly decoded, your } secret message says: } ~~~ } Bruno, } I have the goods waiting for you below the docks, handcuffed to a } large man wearing a ski mask and a party hat, holding a baseball } bat and a football. Bring a small watch that ticks with you. Simply } tell the man, "I have a squirrel in my head", and he will give you } the goods. Unfortunately, my pet cat ate the key to the handcuffs, } so you will have to either take the large man with you, or bash open } the suitcase with the goods. DO NOT USE HIS BASEBALL BAT FOR BASHING } THE SUITCASE OPEN! If you do so, the large man will decapitate you. } (Apparently, he is very fond of his baseball bat, named "Princess", } and doesn't take too kindly to men using it to bash open suitcases } filled with goods). Instead, the football the large man is carrying } will serve much better. Be cautious - if you whack the suitcase too } hard, the goods will be damaged. We wouldn't want that now, would we? } After you have removed the goods from the suitcase - RUN LIKE HELL! } Don't drop your small watch that ticks, either. You know as well } as I do that large men wearing ski masks and party hats handcuffed } to a bashed-open empty suitcase, while holding a baseball bat } named "Princess" and a slightly-damaged football get very angry } very easily. After you have obtained the goods, a Ford Pinto will } drive up by the docks. Get in the Pinto and tell the driver "Many } green cows will trample houses in France at midnight." Then, open } the door and jump out of the Pinto when it reaches 15 miles per hour. } The large man will have set a car bomb inside. Be sure to watch out } and avoid any flaming debris. Now, you'll have to walk to the First } National Bank, and ask the cashier to get you safe deposit box 137. } When the cashier gives you the safe deposit box, throw it at him/her, } and scream "I told you to get me box number 138!". Run out of the bank } mumbling something about a Tibetian man who has your cat food. By this } time, a bus filled with nuns will be passing the bank. Wave for the } driver to stop, enter the bus, and ask if Sister Mary Elizabeth is on } the bus. She will actually be easy to spot, as Sister Mary Elizabeth } always dresses in bright yellow, has a nose ring, and has a happyface } tatooed on her forehead. Deliver the goods to Sister Mary Elizabeth, } and she will give you a small black box tied with twine. Run out of } the bus, and find the nearest post office. As I've told you before, } you should have a small watch with you. Slice open the twine, and put } the watch inside. The only other thing inside the box will be a scrap } of paper with the number "143.214.57.32" inside. THIS IS CRUCIAL. } Knot the twine together, run to the head of whatever large line has } formed inside the post office, slam the black box on the counter, } and say in a thick accent, "I need this.... *ahem* package delivered } post-post haste to the White House immediately. Keep it away from } any flames. Here is 100 United States dollars". Drop three pennies on } the black box, and run out, mumbling something about a Tibetian man who } has your cat food. The substance you require will then be strapped to a } poodle that's wandering around the post office. Untie the small plastic } baggie, and give the poodle a big sloppy kiss. I hope you enjoy it. } Sincerely, } Damien } ~~~~ } As neither "164.100.100.1" nor the long, eerily suspicious letter } coded inside are a question, I am forced to conclude that you did } not mean this for the Oracle at all. Instead, I have forwarded both } "164.100.100.1" and the eerily suspicious letter coded inside to } the FBI, the CIA, the NRO, the NSA, and six other agencies that I } cannot name. If men with shotguns appear at your door in a week, } simply remember one thing: } CHECK WHO YOU E-MAIL! oracle@cs.indiana.edu is of course very similar } to fidel_castro@haha.the.us.sucks.cu. Don't get them confused! --- 1069-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Michael A. Atkinson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Okay, here's the deal. I know some intelligent person (not some > computer) is receiving my letter. I'm 15 (a guy and I live in FL) and > I'm looking for a person to write to, a pen-pal if you will. Well, If > you want to write with me please send your email address back. But, if > you think I'm a crazy and don't want to correspond then here's my > question- Why is it that when you eat corn (it's a two parter) and > you're positively sure you chewed it up it always comes out whole > again? And why is it no matter how many times you flush there's always > that one staring back at you? Hey, I know it's a gross question and I'm > sorry if I offended you, but you got to keep in mind that I'm 15. I'm > about to turn 16 so I promise my next question will have a more mature > theme. Anyway, have a nice holiday. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Corn, or "maize" as it is known in many parts of the world, is } well-known for its propensity for spontaneously returning to its } original form even after being subjected to complete deconstruction } by chewing and exposure to the chemical process of digestion. } To explain this phenomenon, we must abandon high-school chemistry } and delve into the strange world of sub-atomic relationships. } We are all familiar with the experiment which showed how action on } an anti-particle can affect its particle counterpart - this "action } over a distance" is caused by the philotic connections between the } two particles. Philotes are the connections which exist between all } parts of a structure, whether it be an atom, a frog or a dump truck. } When the structure is disassembled, the philotic connections remain } for a time. In inanimate objects, for example at the atomic level, } the philotic links are fairly weak. The more complex the structure, } the stronger the philotic connection becomes. Living creatures create } more noticeable connections, rising in strength in proportion to the } level of sentience. Social groups and especially families will develop } strong philotic connections which are perceived as friendship or love. } In addition, conscious will and belief tend to strengthen } philotic connections. For this reason, haunted houses or churches } will seem to radiate an "aura" as the believer becomes a part of } the environment. This type of energy, referred to commonly as } "mana", can be felt, augmented and even manipulated by persons of } sufficient sensitivity. Maize, as a food staple, was central to the } religion of many cultures and even today is a symbol of a good harvest } (witness the "Indian corn" hung on our doors during Thanksgiving). } Because of it's high levels of associated mana, at least relative } to other vegetables, the philotic connections between the various } components are strong enough that they can reassemble even after what } seems to be utter destruction. } The same goes for the second part of your question. } } You owe the Oracle a bag of pork rinds. --- 1069-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dr. Noe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh, great Oracle, who would play an excellent role in any movie, > including the villain, > > Who would win in a grudgematch (http://www.wwwfights.com) > between you (news:rec.humor.oracle) and the Evil Overlord > (http://www.eviloverlord.com)? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Supplicant (http://muse.bio.cornell.edu/~worms/annelid.html), you must } look beyond pointless (news:rec.humor.oracle.d) fighting (news:*) when } searching for meaning (ftp://ftp.cs.indiana.edu/pub/oracle) in your } own life (news:comp.lang.c++) and in the world around you } (http://www.mayhem.net/Crime/murder.html). } } What I want you to do, whenever you want an answer to a question } that involves religion (news:comp.emacs), popular entertainment } (http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/1998/iraq/links.html), your romantic } life (news:alt.binaries.pictures.erotica), or anything else } (http://www.conservation.state.mo.us/nathis/mammals/woodchuck), is to } first look into yourself (http://www.geekcode.com) and attempt to sort } the truth (http://www.subgenius.com) from the lying } (http://www.cia.gov), ignorance (http://www.creationscience.com), and } shameless greed (http://www.microsoft.com/windows98) that fills the } world. Only when you have failed (http://www.whitehouse.gov), should } you then ask me (mailto:oracle@cs.indiana.edu) and expect an honest } answer (http://www.iinet.net.au/~bofh). } } I hope I have clarified (http://www.ioccc.org/1990/dds.c) things for } you. } } You owe the Oracle (http://www.pcnet.com/~stenor/oracle) the latest } version of any *real* web browser (http://www.slcc.edu/lynx/release). } And don't even *think* about what will happen if you don't pay up! } (http://bible.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bible?passage=Revelation+21:8) --- 1069-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Michael A. Atkinson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Well, Orrie, it's that time of year again -- shiny lights, presents, > and festive good cheer, balanced by fruit cakes and predictable > Christmas carol parodies. So, any plans for the holidays? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Plans? Why yes, thank you for asking. The entire clan will } gather for a resplendent day of feasting and celebration but } not until we've spent approximately 100 years shopping for } worthless pieces of crap that reflect neither taste nor } good judgement and then queuing up for another hundred years } for the priviledge of giving our money to a surly imbecile } who would not be employed at all were it not for the extreme } demands of the holiday season on retailers. } } Toting a long ton of freshly pillaged Christmas booty, (that's } "booty" not "bootie." Lisa's unable to comply with any amourous } notions as she's had her hair arranged in such a manner as looks } like the hair dresser may still be inside working on it... } specifically for the holiday celebration, and to the tune of some } exhoribtant amount of money plus the cost of flying the hair } dresser and his entourage in from New York) we will then begin } the careful ritual of wrapping gifts. Lisa will systematically } remove all the rolls of paper that might remotely suit the } holidays as being "too expensive to just rip apart and throw } away," ...so we'll be reduced to using duct tape and the Sunday } Comics. } } Finally Christmas day will dawn, but long before that Zadoc } and Kendai will have gotten out of bed and demanded we all open } gifts. One by one each package will be opened amidst barely } restrained expressions of dismay or outright disappointment as } dreams of some utterly cool new piece of technology are distilled } into a recently opened box of yellow socks found on special offer. } } Then the real fun begins. The men and women divide themselves } without a word being spoken as the women dash off to the kitchen } to begin overcooking a turkey while the men sit around the } television slack-jawed watching various sporting events and } consuming so many sweets and goodies that their teeth positively } grow hair. Lisa's Uncle Edgar, a man who keeps an open mouth^W } mind on every subject will commence his orations only once it is } assured that everyone's attention is directed elsewhere. I will } then bribe Zadoc and Kendai to pelt his open mouth with Aunt } Ruth's near-lethal rum balls in the hopes that two or three will } hit home and he'll be sufficiently snockered to shut his fat bazoo. } } Neatly timed to coincide with the immenent service of dinner, the } priesthood will descend en masse, in an attempt to ingratiate } themselves with singing and drunken piano accompaniments. Shortly } thereafter, the arrival of the local constabulary. } } Then the carnage begins. The feast will be somewhat disrupted this } year as Og will have been chosen by lot to carve the turkey. After } we've cleaned the bits of turkey, dressing and smashed potato (No, } I do not mean "mashed." Have you ever seen someone carve a roast } with a spiky club?) off of the upholstery and discovered part of } a wing and some dressing in Lisa's hairdo, the men, exhausted from } a day of eating and watching television, will doze quietly in front } of the 493rd showing *this year* of "It's a Wonderful Life." The } women will do the washing up. No, no, don't worry. They love that } sort of stuff. Really... } } You owe the Oracle a digestive remedy that has nothing to do with } that business Mr. Hemming described on r.h.o.d. in the "Kool-Aid" } thread. } } May there be peace on earth. Wishing each of you the very happiest } of holidays. } } T.I. Oracle --- 1069-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mike Nolan The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What an unfestive bunch of questions they are today, to be sure! > Is none of your supplicants prepared to extend you the season's > greetings? Miserable beggars! > > A very merry Christmas, Orrie, from one of your faithful > incarnations. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hmm, it would seem that you've discovered a bug in the Oracle software. } Steve? HOI, KINZLER! } } Kinzler: [Bowing and genuflecting] Yes, all-wise one, whom I never } should have programmed, what can I do for you, master? } } Steve, what is this Christmas thing? The Supplicant writing to me seems } to think it has something to do with today's date. Is there something } special about December 25 that you haven't included in my knowledge } base? } } Kinzler: I, er, I'm so sorry. I thought I'd put it all in the calendar } and timekeeping file. And didn't I include a cross-reference in the } religion subdirectory? I was almost certain. Check your memory banks } under 'holidays', 'Jesus Christ', 'Santa Claus', and 'gift-giving', oh } infallible one. } } Um... checking. This is strange; someone seems to have deleted several } parts of my memory. Each of those keywords is indexed with a point to a } particular M-space containing null data. Who has the access priviledges } to do this? } } Kinzler: But most excellent one, only you, myself, and our new system } administrator, Mr. Rinch, would have power to do it. You know that I, } your humble-though-regretful servant, could never do such a thing to } you, your exaltedness. } } You hired a new system administrator without consulting me? And you } gave him access to *my* data banks? } } Kinzler: But, but, but... Geoffrey seems so trustworthy. He's been a } supplicant of yours for years, and was digested countless times. He } seemed the perfect choice! His credentials were impecca-- } } *>ZOT<* } } Sigh. It's so hard to get good help these days. When you recover, } Steve, I hope you'll remember this little incident. And don't make that } mistake again. } } Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find G. Rinch, who stole Christmas.