From oracle-admin@cs.indiana.edu Mon Oct 28 09:40:08 2002 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by moose.cs.indiana.edu (8.11.6/8.11.6/IUCS_2.47) id g9SEFBW17208; Mon, 28 Oct 2002 09:15:11 -0500 (EST) Date: Mon, 28 Oct 2002 09:15:11 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <200210281415.g9SEFBW17208@moose.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1288 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1288 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1288 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Mon, 28 Oct 2002 09:14:58 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1288 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1283 61 votes 7fma7 32hsb 1gsf1 48jka 6em8b 49ni7 dlga1 44god 1dud4 7dlc8 1283 3.1 mean 2.9 3.7 3.0 3.4 3.1 3.2 2.4 3.6 3.1 3.0 --- 1288-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most frankophilic, I have a 3 week old half-loaf of French > bread. Amazingly, it has not gone moldy. Can you tell me 101 uses for > it? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You must be desperate. A two word grovel and you expect a 100+ list of } things to do with half a leftover baguette? I'll tell you what I'll do. } I share approximately 2% of the list to match your grovel attempt. } } 101. Cheaper than hiring an oral surgeon, chewing on this rockhard } bread will break your teeth for easy home extraction. } } 100. Dry bread. What better sponge for your spilled blood? } } There you go. As a bonus I'll tell you that inserting it sideways into } certain orifices does not make the top 101, but if you choose to do so, } I might send you the rest of the list. --- 1288-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise; > > Why do US sitcoms all have that same dreadful canned laughter on them ? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Because most Americans have the same dreadful canned personalities. } } You owe the Oracle a nation that executes marketing executives. --- 1288-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Otis Viles The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What's going on in the world? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Plate tectonics. --- 1288-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Orrie of Untold Glory, > > Two? Four? Six? Eight? What do you appreciate? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Grovelling, grovelling, rah, rah, rah! --- 1288-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave Hemming The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Wise Oracle, > > Why don't I get to be the Witch King!? I'm just as evil as that > fat head #1! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } His Majesty deals with desires differently than you do. When you } want to be Witch King, what do you do? You complain to the Oracle } about it. When he wanted to be Witch King, he was 8th in line for } the position, so there was, in rapid succession, a hunting accident, } a food poisoning, another hunting accident, an ear poisoning, a strange } and divurse disease, and two very rapid secessions by intelligent Witch } Kings who had a solid amount of pattern matching. If you were Witch } King, you'd probably sit there hoping nobody else wanted to be Witch } King, whereas the current Witch King is much more...proactive...about } such things. I'm not saying you're in any trouble at all, what with } your able grasp of politics. I'm sure everything will be just fine. } } You owe the Oracle a mention in the will. --- 1288-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Is 128-bit encryption sufficient? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } V guvax lbh pna trg njnl jvgu ebg13. --- 1288-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I humbly ask the enigmatic Oracle a question most puzzling to me. Why > do people of obvious intelligence (engineers) who obtain MBAs become > people of such obvious ignorance? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It is part of the hazing ritual of gaining an MBA that cannot be } discussed unless you enter the program. } } Sorry. --- 1288-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Tim Chew" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Someone suggested I ask you this because they said you were really > smart and stuff and you could tell me all the answers and I really > need an answer so I thought I'd ask you because this person that > told me you were smart is pretty smart too so if they think you're > smart you must be REALLY smart right so here's my question and I hope > you can answer it because you really do sound like you're smart snd > stuff see I read the help file first because I know you're supposed > to do that well not you but you know what I mean well obviously you > do because you're so smart and anyway the help file made you sound > pretty smart and even smarter than smart but I don't know what word > I could use for that smarter than smart because I'm not as smart as > you or even the smart guy who told me you were smart which means you > must be that word that means smarter than smart which I don't know. > > What happens if I stick my finger in there? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It will smart. --- 1288-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Paul Kelly The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Wise Oracle most iniquitous and dire, loving you is easy `cause > you're beautiful, and you rarely burp during formal occasions, > > Will jousting ever make a come back? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, the committee keeps trying to run it through, but its main } proponents keep getting unseated and the rest keep horsing around. } } You owe the Oracle your undying armour. --- 1288-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Is mine a good marraige? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hmmm, being married to a mine is in some ways trickier than } being married to a person. Here, check it out: } } mine person } -----------------------------+------------------------------- } Deep, may hold gold or... | Maybe a gold digger or... } some old Cave Troll | someone craven & dull } -----------------------------+------------------------------- } Good idea to have a | Good idea to have some } canary along | friends approval first } -----------------------------+------------------------------- } Strict Union laws as to | Strict laws come into effect } when and how you dig | when you stop 'digging' them } -----------------------------+------------------------------- } Shafts can be dangerous | Shafts can be dangerous } -----------------------------+------------------------------- } Some attract dwarves | Some attract fairies } -----------------------------+------------------------------- } Lots of hard work to | Lots of hard work to make } make a mine work | a marriage work } -----------------------------+------------------------------- } } The Oracle would warn you to avoid land mines, but if you'd } married that time of mine you'd be dead, so he won't bother. } } You owe the Oracle a minor in a hat.