From owner-oracle-archive@kinzler.com Fri Oct 17 17:02:30 2014 Return-Path: Delivered-To: oracle-distrib-7g8KaSl@internetoracle.org Received: by kinzler.com (Postfix, from userid 65534) id 7B2781003B1; Fri, 17 Oct 2014 17:02:29 -0400 (EDT) To: oracle-list@internetoracle.org Subject: Internet Oracularities #1543 Reply-To: vote@internetoracle.org X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.kinzler.com/ftp/faces Message-Id: <20141017210229.7B2781003B1@kinzler.com> Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2014 17:02:29 -0400 (EDT) From: oracle-request@internetoracle.org (Internet Oracle) === 1543 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1543 Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler) Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2014 17:02:18 -0500 (EST) @@@ Happy Birthday, Internet Oracle! @@@ @@@ The Internet Oracle celebrated it's 25th birthday Wednesday, 8 October @@@ 2014. Best wishes to all the supplicants, incarnations, priests @@@ voters, and readers -- you are the Oracle. @@@ Check out a new website by Kinzler: @@@ @@@ Haikudipity (Random Word Haiku) http://haikudipity.com @@@ @@@ * Ask a question for an "I Ching"-like answer. * Learn some new @@@ words. * Tickle your funnybone. * Exercise your imagination and @@@ mental agility. * Find inspiration for your creative project (like, @@@ um, using the Internet Oracle?). * Discover a name for your band. @@@ * Get past your writer's block. * Submit, subscribe to, and rate @@@ the especially good ones. @@@ @@@ I'd appreciate "like"s and "+1"s on this to be able to get to the @@@ extra Facebook and Google+ features, and any sharing or passing on @@@ you could do to help get this new site off the ground. @@@ @@@ See you there! Steve To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1543 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1538 17 votes 25730 22760 13553 12662 02573 10583 49130 14273 32552 25370 1538 3.1 mean 2.6 3.0 3.4 3.4 3.6 3.7 2.2 3.4 3.1 2.9 --- 1543-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Please sing me the William Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell Overture. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Unfortunately, the lyrics were lost long ago. The tune however, was } reused as the overture to "The Same-Sex Marriage of Figaro and Pierre". --- 1543-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Now that the Climate March in NYC is over it is cold. Unseasonably > unseasonable. I guess it worked. What is the next activist thing now > that climbate debate is over? > > Oh and with capitalism dead like they said, when do I get my share of > stuff? The capitalists have alot of stuff and I need allot of stuff. > How long do I weight? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } That's really 2 questions. } } First, just wait until Climate April. Everything will be just fine } then. } } Second, capitalism is dead because of Twitter. Nobody properly } capitalizes anymore. Such uncivilized heathens with their lowercaseism. --- 1543-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I have problems with 2 US Senators. I have 2 write 2 papers, 1 on > Senator Gore and 1 on Senator McCarthy. > > The first 1 (for my American Studies class) is about McCarthy and what > he did as Chairman of the House Committee on Un-American Activities. I > asked you before an you said I had finished it already but I didn't. > > The 2nd one (for Computers for Non-Technical Majors) is about how > Senator Gore invented the Internet. I looked on Wikipedia and the > Internte started as the ARPANet about 1969. Gore got to be Senator in > 1985. Maybe it's sposed to be his father, also Senator Gore, who was a > Senator in 1969. > > Anyway, you can explain all these things and good enough that I can put > the words into the papers and get a A or at least a passing grade. For > which I can't thnak you enough. Thanks. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Unfortunately you have happened upon a British incarnation, who is } un-American by definition. What follows may be somewhat confused. } } Between 1949 and 1954 Senator McCarthy headed three bodies in charge of } rooting out Communicationists. These were called the House Committee on } Communication Perversions (HCCP, later known as HTTP), the Senate } Internet Security Subcommittee, and the Senate Permanent Subcommittee } on Inveigling. } } McCarthy had heard of the invention of the Internet by Karl Marx, who } later gave his name to the Hierarchical Traitors Marxist Language, or } HTML for short. McCarthy realised that, since HTTP was a state-free } communication strategy, it was pushing for the overthrow of the United } States, and could undermine American life as he knew it. He therefore } started a series of investigations into un-American activities, which } were designed to discover citizens who were not loyal to the USA. On } account of the citizens being caught in this drag-net (not to be } confused with stockings for transvestites), they were often referred to } as netizens. } } The main question of these investigations was famously: "Are you now, } or have you ever been, party to internet communications?" Many in the } entertainment industry, who were keen for their films and music to be } freely available to everyone (via the Redistribution of Internet } Archives Association (RIAA)), were caught up in this mess. } } Every day, lists would be posted of those who had been found guilty of } un-American activities, and everyone was forbidden from doing business } with them. This practice was known as Duns Blacklisting, after the } philosopher Duns Scotus (Dunce of Scotland). } } Eventually, of course, McCarthyism was stopped. } } And so it was, in 1969, that Senator Gore (father of the father of an } inconvenient truth about socialist climate change) rediscovered the } unbridled communication possibilities afforded by the Internet. He } publicised these, but did so on the Internet, which was then only } accessible to three Amish heretics and a shopkeeper in Salt Lake City. } } Ever since, the Internet has been used primarily for good. } } You owe the Oracle an essay on the fishing conflicts between the USSR } and the USA which started around Christmas 1948, entitled "The Cod } (Noel) War". --- 1543-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Why do I sometimes get an answer unrelated to my question? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Oh, they're related. You just don't see it. } } Which came first, the chicken or the egg? } To get to the other side. } } Why don't we do it in the road? } All you need is love. } } Does anybody really know what time it is? } Twenty five or six to four. } } Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? } I had too much to dream last night. } } Where have all the flowers gone? } In Flanders fields the poppies blow... } } Who ya gonna call? } BEachwood 45789 } } You talkin' to me? } It's more the way that you mean it } When you tell me what will be. } } Why do I sometimes get an answer unrelated to my question? } Sometimes you ask the wrong question. --- 1543-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Is it true that Zadoc was originally the Biblical Zadok? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Nope, he just says that to try to pick up chicks. --- 1543-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What's the best way to deal with the pain? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The best way to deal with the pain is to always be prepared. Have the } half-million ready in the suitcase, in unmarked and non-sequential } hundred-dollar bills. The pain is known for having an itchy trigger } finger and doesn't like waiting for its money. It'll tell you not to } bring any weapons and that you'll be patted down at the entrance, but } bring your knife anyway - the pain likes it when its clients have the } chutzpah to bring a knife to a potential gunfight. Drop the suitcase in } the back of the truck, and wait for it to give you the okay before you } back out. If you've done everything right, you'll find the package from } the pain in the alley behind the convenience store, taped underneath } the bumper of an unmarked black van. If you haven't, you'll have to } deal with some pain. } } You owe the Oracle half of the diamonds. --- 1543-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > WHOA. That's a lotta zeroes. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } 111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 } } There, now you have some ones for them to play with. --- 1543-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Sigh. What haven't you done? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Paid my electricity bill. Posting this from the library. --- 1543-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > NO offense. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Totally, they sucked. Can't have all defense or you'll never score a } goal. --- 1543-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > This is, I fear, a real question, not like the fanciful blather about > marmots and wombats you usually see. > > If you'll examine the website for any random county in the US, it's > likely you'll find that every subpage is constructed to follow the > organization of the county's departments. Suppose you are looking for > the regulations on walking your dog in the park. Using the "search" > facility you look for "dogs" and get only a pointer to a PDF of a > lovely brochure mentioning the number of dogs registered in the county > in the year 1997. > > Undeterred, you check out these spots, digging down into each one: > - County Departments > Recreational Facilities > Parks and Golf Courses > Parks > Regulations [NOTHING THERE] > - County Departments > Sheriff's Department > Public Facilities > > Detention > Animal Control [NOTHING THERE] > > - County Court System > Laws & Regulations (massive PDF that loads > badly) [PROBABLY NOTHING THERE] > - County Commissioners > Published Procedures > Meeting Records > > [PROBABLY NOTHING THERE, shows only 1998 to 2007] > - County Administrator > Law Office > Miscellaneous Regulatory Orders > > Dogs [BINGO! No permit required.] > > Later, after being given given a ticket by the Park Officer for walking > your dog without a permit, you hunt on the website further and > discover: > > - County Administrator > Journal > 2004 > Canine permit requirement > (record not found) > - County Administrator > Journal > 2005 > Canine permit requirement > ("rescinded") > - County Administrator > Journal > 2012 > Canine permit requirement > ("see 2004") > > Can we try understanding, once again, why ignorance of the law is no > excuse, even though simply READING the law cannot be accomplished in a > lifetime of effort? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The Oracle tried doing research on your county's laws, but ended up } getting really pissed at you for tricking him into such a task and } wanting to punish you. I therefore went to your web page, and I'm } happy to tell you that there's NOTHING there stating that covering a } squirrel in soot and throwing it into your livingroom while your dog } is there is prohibited or even unwanted. I'm therefore assuming it } would be OK to do so. } } You owe yourself some time to clean up afterwards.