From owner-oracle-archive@kinzler.com Wed Nov 12 18:02:42 2014 Return-Path: Delivered-To: oracle-distrib-7g8ZaSl@internetoracle.org Received: by kinzler.com (Postfix, from userid 65534) id 3E0AD101547; Wed, 12 Nov 2014 18:02:41 -0500 (EST) To: oracle-list@internetoracle.org Subject: Internet Oracularities #1544 Reply-To: vote@internetoracle.org X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.kinzler.com/ftp/faces Message-Id: <20141112230241.3E0AD101547@kinzler.com> Date: Wed, 12 Nov 2014 18:02:41 -0500 (EST) From: oracle-request@internetoracle.org (Internet Oracle) === 1544 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1544 Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler) Date: Wed, 12 Nov 2014 18:02:29 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1544 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1539 18 votes 34740 03492 03942 03555 42642 29331 10962 01a34 15462 82260 1539 3.1 mean 2.7 3.6 3.3 3.7 2.9 2.6 3.4 3.6 3.2 2.3 --- 1544-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > sharks sharks sharks sharks sharks sharks sharks sharks And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hm, something seems fishy about this question. --- 1544-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Rich The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I'm pretty well fed up with the voice-to-text gizmo I bought, and I'm > whining to you about it (and asking your advice) because my mother > turned on the electric mixer when I started talking, and my dad got > into his truck and drove away. Oh well, at least they have stopped > telling me I whine too much. > > So I wanted to record the lyrics to Camelot, the musical about King > Autor and his 1001 Arabian Knights of the Round Table. First thing that > my stupid gizmo got wrong was the title. "Camel lot" it spelled, like > it was Honest Abdul's Used Camel Lot. > > The verse was worse. "By eight the morning fog must disappear" became > "I ate the morning frog and disappeared." At first I suspected that > your regular dirty work was afoot, because I could not see either you > or my morning frog. > > I got an answer in French from you three months ago. You didn't eat my > morning frog, did you? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Are you disappointed with what the output was? That's a perfect } translation of what the mixer said, so you should probably listen to } it. That gizmo's pretty smart. --- 1544-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle most abstract, What is the message in the William Tell Overture? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } An apple a day keeps the coroner nearby. --- 1544-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What is the best wsy to av0id serius drain bamage? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } How should I know? I'm just a helicopter. --- 1544-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > A person who has _____ can do anything. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } hallucinations --- 1544-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Father George, our local priest at the Catholic church, says I should > be more attentive to the problem of Original Sin. > > Well, I confess to him every week, like I'm supposed to, and often I > make up some sins to keep him interested, because I'm not really > sinning very much. It is getting rather boring, telling him about my > drinking and my playing poker, when I don't actually do those things, > and then telling him the next week about my lying to him during > confession. > > So Father George is correct. I need some Original Sins. What ones do > you recommend? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Go big or go home. When you're coming up with the most original of } sins, there is a major need to be, well, original. Unfortunately, the } incredible length and breadth of human history behind you makes this } incredibly difficult. Your best bet is to take one of the major } *existing *categories of sin, and add one of the major *intensifiers* } of sin that would not normally go with it. } } For example, take a simple ACT OF THEFT but apply an extra layer of } LOST DIGNITY. Take a PERVERSE SEXUAL ACT and tack on some OCCULT } BEHAVIORS. Or go with the tried and true COVETING OF YOUR NEIGHBOR'S } (x) and add a modern twist of ILL-DEFINED DIGITAL 'ABUSE'. } } In no time, your priest will be assigning tens or hundreds of obscure } Latinate prayers due to... (*contemplates variables*) the time you } stole a sex toy from a relative... in order to invoke a South Asian } demon-spirit so that using it felt like... the shifter-handle of your } boss' new car that you saw while stalking his Facebook. } } Good luck and good sinning! Well. Bad sinning. But you know what I } mean. } } --In girum imus nocte et consumimur ignI-- --- 1544-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle, > > How was it established? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } By Henry VIII, by his royal decree, thumbing his royal nose at the } Pope, dissolving the monasteries in 1536. } } You owe the Oracle some respect for his Oracular nose, like perhaps } some decent grovelling. Please? It's not polite to point. Particularly } if you snicker up your sleeve like that. --- 1544-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > You say I have a gift? What is it? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It is a special gift deep within your heart. You must open it to find } out what it is. } } I'd lay down a tarp first. --- 1544-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Sigh. I'm not as good at videogames as I used to be. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Don't worry; those video games are not as good as they used to be, } either. } } You owe the Oracle the source code (on a FIO-DEC punched paper tape) } for the original Spacewar! as played at MIT on a PDP-1. You also owe } the Oracle an operating PDP-1, complete with the knobs and buttons for } playing spacewar. Don't forget a paper-tape reader. --- 1544-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > ∀? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } ∀ } } In Australia it looks like this: A } } You owe the Oracle a dissertation on the question of whether or not } the character ⦲ is in Danish (or possibly Norwegian) with } reasoning that suggests all Scandinavians are crazy because they } have alphabets with funny rings and slashes over and through their } letters. Include examples from any Australian Swedes you can find, } but do not mention the jokes Danes tell about the Skaane region of } Sweden. Suggest 13 new Scandinavian letters and 58 new mathematical } symbols purportedly based on those letters. Or vice-versa.