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23 Jan 2019 home : about : create : digests : bestofs : specials : priests 22:12:12 GMT

Internet Oracularity #1038-09    (4fjtj dist, 3.5 mean)
Selected-By: Darkmage <DAVIS@wehi.edu.au>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Mr. Oracle? Could you hold please? Mr. Yeltsin will be so happy
> to hear we got through to you. Oh here he is now. . .

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oracle: Borrrry! Boar-boar! The Yeltsinator. What's happenin', hot
} stuff?
} Boris: You do not be calling me these things! I am important man. I am
} Russian leader. You will call me President Yeltsin!
} Oracle: Yeah, yeah, whatever mashes your borscht. So, have you agreed
} to my terms?
} Boris: Sigh. Regrettably, the Parliament has agreed to the deal, and I
} must agree it is best way to go. Embarrassing as it may be.
} Oracle: So you agree to accept my $60 billion dollar contribution to
} prop up your failing stock market?
} Boris: Yes. <annoyed sigh>
} Oracle: And you agree to utilize the $4 billion dollar trust fund I'm
} signing over to you to dismantle nuclear weapons and protect existing
} enriched uranium supplies?
} Boris: Yes, I said yes!
} Oracle: And what about the bulldozers, cranes, and other industrial
} equipment I'm shipping you from Asia for use in strengthening the
} Russian infrastructure?
} Boris: Are you deaf? I said we accept! Stop rubbing in.
} Oracle: All right, all right. I can see this is killing you. Do you
} want to go ahead and get your "end of the bargain" out of the way?
} Boris: Yes, yes, quickly. The sooner the better.
} Oracle: Okay, get real close to the receiver. Let me just turn this
} thing on... <click> Okay, it's running. Start talking...and talk loud,
} so the recorder picks it all up.
} Boris: <sigh...> Hello, this is Boris Yeltsin, leader of Russian
} republic. Oracle is not home right now...he's too busy rockin' and
} rollin' and stayin' cool! Man, that Oracle rules! He could drink me
} under the ta...under the table...any...day...of the...NO! I CANNOT DO
} IT! I AM PROUD RUSSIAN MAN!! You go to HELL wise Oracle! Russia can
} burn for what I care, but DAMMIT I can drink and drink and drink so
} much it make your omnipotent head spin!
} Oracle: <click> All right. Suit yourself. Nelson Mandela has agreed to
} pose for a digital picture so I can paste his head on a dancing
} Hawaiian hula girl on my web page. Gosh, I wonder if his country could
} use some empowerment?
} Boris: I can drink and drink and drink and dri<click>...
} Oracle: Oh well. Some people.
} You owe the Oracle 500 shares of Smirnoff, Inc.

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