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} Well, if the Viagra were all you wanted, I'd simply recommend that you
} sign up with AOL, and then you'd soon have more offers of that,
} conveniently delivered to your e-inbox, than you'd know what to do
} with. But it looks like your problem is somewhat wider in scope, and
} so, I believe, a more comprehensive solution is necessary.
}
} Hm, let's see: short, green, bald, wrinkled, virginal, powerful Jedi
} being, bizarre sentence structure... y'know, you sound a lot like that
} little guy in, what was it, Star Trek? His name was, uh, Yo-Yo Da, or
} something like that. I think he played the cello. You wouldn't happen
} to be related, would you? Lechery does tend to run in families, so I
} guess not.
}
} But anyway, back to your problem. My dear supplicant, you seem to be
} trying to deny your true nature. Modern cosmetic medicine, even that of
} civilization in a galaxy far, far away, can only do so much-- doctors
} aren't magicians. You'll never be able to overcome the simple fact of
} your own species, so I suggest that you embrace it. Come out of the
} closet (you couldn't hide in it if your life depended on it, anyway)
} and meet others who share your plight; in them, you will surely find
} empathy, and perhaps, if you are lucky, you will even find love. And a
} few years from now, perhaps you'll form a community of short, green,
} bald, wrinkled people from all over the universe, dedicated to creating
} awareness, promoting tolerance, and, in general, making all of creation
} a nicer place for short, green, bald, wrinkled people (dang, would it
} kill that Luke Georges guy to give the species a friggin' name?) to
} live in.
}
} And yes, I'm sure you don't relish the prospect of dating females as,
} er, homely as you, but hey, let's be realistic. What are your options?
} Upload a couple hundred totally bogus profiles to Match.com? You'd only
} be getting your hopes up uselessly; each relationship would inevitably
} end on a very sudden, tragic note as soon as whatever poor sap you
} hoodwinked into thinking you were Leonardo DiCaprio saw you for the
} hideous little abortion you really are.
}
} You owe the Oracle (along as the rest of the universe) a good
} explanation as to why you talk like that. Isn't several centuries of
} life enough time to learn proper syntax?
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