The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great Oracle whos keyboard never has crumbs, > Will the USA ever go metric?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today to determine the United States } measurement challenge once and for all. } } In the blue corner we have our current US champion for many years, } weighing in at 220.4623 pounds, our hero: Igor Imperial. } } In the red corner we have, weighing in at 100kg all the way from } France, and currently storming the world wherever he goes, our } challenger: Mean Mr Metric. } } It will be a great fight today and one that may change the course of } history. Can Mean Mr Metric defeat Igor Imperial and change US life } forever, or will Igor outwit the classy opponent and maintain his place } in history. } } We are about to find out. } } Gentlemen, I want a clean fight. Shake hands and come out fighting on } the bell. } } Round 1: "DONG" } } They both approach each other and meet in the middle of the ring. } Metric has trained well and opens with the first punch: } }    How many feet in a mile? } } Imperial answers after a moments hesitation with: } }    5280 } } "Good exchange there Bob, hasn't worried either of them." } } "No Bill, it's still neck and neck, although Imperial took a fraction } of a second to divert that question." } } Imperial decides to attack with a similar strategy: } }    How many metres in a kilometre? } } Instantly, Metric flashes back with: } }    1000 } } "Wasn't that a great counter by Metric eh Bob - so quick. He's looking } good tonight" } } "Sure is Bill" } } Imperial goes on the attack again with a curly one: } }    How much does a litre of water weigh? } } Metric comes back quickly with: } }    1 kilogram } } "Great offense from Imperial there Bob. Combining both measurement of } mass and volume - well thought out." } } "Sure thing Bill, but I think he may have left himself a bit vulnerable } here. If I can guess, Metric should follow up with..." } }    How much does a pint of water weigh? } } Imperial reels back with such a tough one. He hesitates. } } "Thought he'd do that Bill, he's looking shaky. I wonder how he's } trained for this?" } } Suddenly, Imperial's eyes light up and he comes back with: } }    1.0431758 pounds } } "Well Bob, our champ got out of that one but it was a bit messy eh?" } } "It was Bill. I think he was lucky there. Metric should come back with } a tough one here if he's got it in him." } } As Metric prepares for an offense, the champ Imperial slips in a sneaky } one: } }    If 1mm of rain falls on 1 square metre of roof, how much water }    is collected? } } "What a shot Bob! That'll hurt him." } } Metric defends without a flinch: } }    1 litre } } "No Bill, Metric has trained too well and has got too much ability. } That reply was instananeous. You know, I think he should follow the } same strategy as before and follow up with..." } }    If 1 point of rain falls on 1 square foot of roof, how much water is }    collected? } } "Imperial is down!" } } 1    2    3    4    5    6    7... } }    7.97922 fl oz } } "What an answer! Our boy's still got guts!" } } "DONG" } } End of Round 1. } } "Bill, that bell came just at the right time. This fight shouldn't last } the next round." } } "You're right Bob, but that guy from France is just too good. } } Round 2: "DONG" } } Imperial comes out and slips in a gentle offense: } }    How many grams in a kilogram? } } Metric defends: } }    1000 } } "Playground stuff there Bob." } } "Yeah Bill" } } Metric goes for the kill: } }    How many grains in an ounce? } } "Uh oh. I think this is it Bob." } } Imperial stutters: } }    uuuhhhhmmmmmmm. Which system? } } "Oh Bill, he's answered with a question. That's not following the } spirit of the game!" } } Metric replies: } }    All three. } } "Curtains Bill. I'm sure." } } Imperial responds: } }    Well in Avoirdupois its 437.5, in Apothecary its 480 and the other } one is... What other one? } } Metric jabs: } }    You tell me. } } Imperial falls to the floor. } } 1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10 } } "Knocked out Bob!" } } "Yeah Bill. I guess we have to get used to the idea of a new system } here in the US of A. This guy is a mean lean measuring machine." } } "Just let me interrupt you Bob, our man Leroy is down in the ring } talking with Mean Mr Metric." } } "Mean Mr Metric that was an incredible last blow there. Tell me what is } that other system" } }    Tell you the truth, Leroy, I don't know nor care. I just know there }    are three and they are all stupid. } } "Interesting response there from Mean Mr Metric, Back to you Bill" } } "We've just got word that the judges are going to make an } announcement..." } } After final discussion, the judges have decided to declare the fight } null and void due to the fact that the win by Mean Mr Metric would mean } that some politicians might lose the next election. } } You owe the Oracle a life in the dark ages.