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20 Apr 2018 home : about : create : digests : bestofs : specials : priests 10:37:00 GMT


Internet Oracularity #970-01    (7juq4 dist, 3.0 mean)
Selected-By: Darkmage <DAVIS@wehi.edu.au>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>       Dear Orrie,
>
>               It's been some time since I wrote you - but I was in
> line in the 'camera section' today at K-mart and I saw Lisa. The
> cashier handed her back some pictures, and she started flipping through
> them, giggled about some Xmas pictures she'd taken - and when she got
> to one picture, she let out a short yelp, turned greenish-blue - and
> fainted! I am just writing, oh great and wise friend, hoping that all
> is okay... and I was hoping you could explain the picture that caused
> this...
>
>                                               Yours truly,
>
>                                                       a lowly
>                                                       supplicant

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear lowly,
}
} Thanks for your note. Lisa is fine... just fine. She's resting well and
} should be back up and around in no time.
}
} Well, the annual Christmas (it's *not* "Xmas," dear) bash was a
} success, as expected. Odin got drunk, as usual, and tried to cleave
} everyone's head off, as usual (thank goodness we always disarm him
} before he gets to the belligerent-drunk stage and substitute a tinfoil
} sword in his scabbard). Satan got bellicose, as always, and tried to
} Damn everyone in sight. Buddha just sat in the corner and smiled a lot,
} of course. Mohammed didn't show, as per usual. Surprisingly, the Small
} Greys showed up this year, although they seemed to confuse Christmas
} with Halloween. They tried to kidnap a couple of the gods, but we soon
} put a stop to that, I can tell you. None of that
} let's-experiment-on-earthlings in *my* temple, I can tell you!
}
} Zadoc got squiffy and put a lampshade on his head. Unfortunately, he
} forgot to take it off the lamp and the short-circuit fried his hair, so
} now he looks like some boxing promoter.
}
} The Gates Stew went over marvelously, I can tell you. Also, the
} Bean-Dip-Formerly-Known-As-Prince was a great success!
}
} Kali was a bore, of course, but what can you expect? All those slides
} of the temples at Pagan! I ask you: If you've seen 1,549, you've seen
} 'em all... It's all friction and lubrication, after all.
}
} Well, the big news was when Mercury and Eros showed up. Late, of
} course. *We* knew why they were late, but they pretended that nothing
} was amiss... Then, Mercury went off with Quetzecotl (those guys!) and
} Eros managed to corner Lisa in the kitchen. Next thing they knew, Napi
} (the Blackfeet god) was snapping away with the camera. Well, Lisa was
} too busy (and too drunk) to notice what Napi was doing...
}
} Lisa and I slept in late on Boxing Day and on Saturday Lisa took all
} the film off to K-Mart for their One-Hour Special. That's must have
} been when you saw her. When she finally got home, I saw the photos.
} Hot, hot, hot!
}
} By the way, for only $9.95, you, too, can see the photographs at:
}
}         http://www.cs.indiana.edu/christmas97/lisa&eros.html
}
} All major credit cards accepted!
}
} You owe the Oracle $9.95.

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