From oracle-request Tue Jan 26 00:10:42 1993 Received: by moose.cs.indiana.edu (5.65c/9.4jsm) id AA29277; Tue, 26 Jan 1993 00:10:42 -0500 Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1993 00:10:42 -0500 From: To: oracle-list Subject: Usenet Oracularities #524 Reply-To: oracle-vote X-Face: "9e\S&XFxP?L)~?^jbHC!$jk5#O}v\n#nwz8'd$#(H,+B4n<^{GSCr,![PCrQOV1 nW{vh|Ev<)b!y?'?aysJ)3YJ_/sOl@a'lKaG,uk|Xh3mR+xa]XJ!$vqAjQe?.nst;0/"u?M2K~rC6k~ |)'uWrn%alJW'QwwJJ441kc,m.C!?:EP49(+ X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with "faces". From the cs.indiana.edu ftp archive today. === 524 ================================================================== Title: Usenet Oracularities #524 Compiled-By: "Steve Kinzler" Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1993 00:10:42 -0500 To find out all about the Usenet Oracle, including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 524 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 519 40 votes 2bfa2 35i86 39ea4 2455o 3aec1 4hc61 2a99a 18dc6 399e5 2969e 519 3.2 mean 3.0 3.2 3.1 4.1 3.0 2.6 3.4 3.4 3.2 3.6 --- 524-01 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: ewhac@ntg.com (Leo 'Bols Ewhac' Schwab) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise of all, wiser still than all the gurus combined, > please answer me this simple question: > > Throughout the Presidential Campaign, I have often seen a certain song > being sung by Democrats and Republicans alike. However, I could never > succeed in understanding anything but the first line, as from the > second line onward, the crowd joined in, creating a pandemonium that > made all words incomprehensible. The line I did get to hear was : "Oh, > say can you C", which attracted me right from the start, as I am a big > fan of the programming language. > My question to you, oh Oracle, is: > What is the name of this song? And can you give me the lyrics? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You are correct--it is a favorite song among politicians and } programmers alike. The correct title is "The Star-Dereferenced } Pointer", and the lyrics are as follows: } } O say can you C, how to use your info? } Use a pointer, my friend, it's what those in the know do. } Indirect addressing--it's the right way to go. } Though it seems quite complex, you'll increase program flow through. } If you're losing your place, you can turn on some trace, } or for lots of data, you can malloc some space. } But watch out, cause you'll really have your hands full. } If that pointer you use is still pointing at NULL. } } You owe the Oracle an anthem whose tune is *not* that of an old English } drinking song. --- 524-02 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: mycroft@gnu.ai.mit.edu The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh mighty Oracle, > who is clad in silk and does not need buttons: > Tell me, why there are buttons in both ways: > > (:) > > and > > (::) > > but not like > > (.) > > ??? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You do not know of the one-holed button, mortal? You, then it can be } inferred, have not been to Unitrea, the country where most things we } consider to be pairs or multiples come alone. } } Unitrea borders but one neighboring country (Ethiopia) and has one } lake, one river, one mountain peak (Point Uno), and is one elevation } everywhere else. Their town, Solitaria, has one ruler who is both mayor } and king, lawmaker and judge. He is a one-armed cyclops who wears one } article of clothing, a regal robe woven from only one thread. } } The land is lucky for it has but one law code and thus only one lawyer } and one prisoner who resides in solitary confinement in Unitrea's only } prison. He committed one crime, never to commit another, for which he } will serve one year. } } The town has one library with one book, written on one page, comprising } of one word. It was the only edition and has one translation. The } word is monosyllabic as is every other word in this kingdom's language. } The language has one dialect. } } This bespeaks of their single culture and single history. They have } one monotheistic religion. They pray alone in the town's one church. } Their is but one known melody to their only hymn. } } There is one school with one teacher and one pupil. Mr. Primus teaches } one subject one hour for one day each week. The student does } wonderfully. } } During the day citizens eat one meal a day with a single utensil and a } single plate kept in a single cabinet located in the center of town. } Their is one dish served one way by a single chef. } } Everyone in Unitrea is single except for one married couple. They went } on one date, shared one kiss, were together once, whence they begot one } child. This was each spouse's one relationship. } } The child plays solitaire with a deck of cards containing only an ace. } She knows only one game. She played it once and won. She has one } hair, albeit a long one that covers her entire body; thus did her } mother weave her a unitard using a single needle and single stitch. } This body-suit has one button of the sort you describe. } } The town's computer has one platform with one command, 1K of memory, } one application (for administrative purposes only), and one key on the } keyboard and one pixel on the screen. It has been used, unsurprisingly } enough, but once. } } The Oracle's only fee is one dollar. --- 524-03 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: asbestos@nwu.edu (Michael A. Atkinson) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh you allmighty, omnipresent Oracle, > > please tell me, what is Dan Quayle doing these days ? > > George B. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hello, Mr Bush, welcome to the Baroness Thatcher Rest Home } for Distressed Gentlefolk and Ex-World Leaders. You'll be in } room 3C, next to that nice Mr. Gorbachev. } } What's that? Mr Quayle? Now don't you worry about him, let's } sort you out first. No, put down that bottle. Put it down. } PUT IT DOWN! There. See? You don't really need it after all. } } Yes, I know there's a lot of noise coming from next door. Just } a minute. Mr Smith! Mr Botha! How many times must I tell you } that we're really all the same? Sheesh ... There. I'm sure } they'll let the irons cool down. Now settle yourself down here, } Mr Bush. We've got some nice sushi for your tea today. Oops! } Terribly sorry, Mr Hirohito. Mr Bush won't do that again, } will you, Mr Bush? } } Oh look, there's somebody come to see you, Mr Bush. Someone ... } Mr Bush! Wake up! Turn your hearing aid on ... you've got } a visitor, Mr Bush. If you'd just like to sign the book } here, Mr ... Quayl. Nice to see you. Mr Bush, Mr Quayl's here } to see you. I must say, Mr Quayl, those big round black ears } do suit you. Where are you working now? Really? So what } happened to the old Mickey? Tom got him? Oh, that's a shame. } } Now then Mr Bush, time for your nap. Oh dear, there goes another } set of sheets. You really must tell us, Mr Bush, then we can } get the pan for you. } } Sleep well, Mr Bush. --- 524-04 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: jim@oasis.icl.co.uk (The Wumpus) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I seem to have run out of questions. What should I ask you? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } "Why do I bother?" --- 524-05 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: jim@oasis.icl.co.uk (The Wumpus) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Of course, time travels not possible! Why will you ask? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Of course time travel is possible! If it were not, we would all be } trapped in the same moment of time and never get to the future. } } Of course time travel is possible! If it were not, we would all be } trapped in the same moment of time and never get to the future. } } Of course time travel is possible! If it were not, we would all be } trapped in the same moment of time and never get to the future. } } Of course time travel is possible! If it were not, we would all be } trapped in the same moment of time and never get to the future. } } You owe the Oracle a strip of paper with a half-twist in it. --- 524-06 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: buck@sunyit.edu (Jesse Buckley) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most frigid, answer me this: > > If the temperature is 0 degrees Kelvin, and there's > a 30 mile-per-hour wind blowing, then what is the > wind chill factor? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Most FRIGID? I hardly consider that GROVELING!!! However, I am charmed } by your naiveity, and will thus answer your question anyway... } } As you know, the wind chill factor was discovered accidentally by } Doctors Robert Chill and Emma Wind. The two were standing in 30 degree } weather in a 40mph gust, and Dr. Chill asked "Do you think we'd be less } cold if the wind wasn't blowing so hard", to which the insightful Dr. } Wind replied, "Shut up, you idiot." } } Through the years, the two doctors stood outside in a variety of winds } and tempratures, and came up with the "wind chill factor chart", which } is now found in all of your finer gas stations, and which is also used } by all those sophisticated meteorologists on the local news-- they } figure if they can tell you more about the weather RIGHT NOW ( } Anchorperson: Well, Bill, what are the conditions like outside right } now? } Fun Weatherperson Bill: As anyone could see by looking out the } windows, its sunny and warm... [pauses } for a moment]... oops, that was the cue } card for this AFTERNOON's newscast.. } Right now, its cold and dark.. I think.. } This is the 11 'o' clock edition, right? } Obligatory Female Co-anchor: Ha-ha (enigmatic laugh). Say, Bill, do you } have any boring statistics that our viewers } don't need or want, since many of them } won't even be going anywhere until tommorow } morning? } Fun Weatherperson Bill: Sure! The relative humidity is 32.61%, the wind } is blowing at 25.01 miles per hour from the } south, the temprature is 36 degrees and the wind } chill factor is a brisk [enigmatic smile] 25 } below zero... So, bundle up [stupid chuckle] } Anchorperson: Ha-ha... Now, how about tommorow's forecast? } Fun Weatherperson Bill: Ummmm.... beats me. } )-- if they give you this much info about the weather RIGHT NOW, they } certainly shouldn't be required to predict it! } } Now, you may wonder how Drs. Chill and Wind compiled this chart. It } was done through an extremely scientific process, which has been } followed by scientists through the years.... } } Dr. Chill: OK, what is the temprature and wind now? } Dr. Wind: Its 40 degrees and the wind is at 25 miles per hour. } Dr. Chill: BRRRRRR! OK, I say it feels like about 25 degrees. } Dr. Wind: You already said that for 40 degrees and 20 miles per hour. } Dr. Chill: OK, OK.. make it 20 degrees. } Dr. Wind (writing it down): OK.. let's do 30 miles per hour... } } You may be wondering what all this has to do with your question... } (come to think of it, so am I... oh, yeah)-- Like the famour Drs., you, } too, must conduct this as an experiment.... } } First of all, find a nice 0 Kelvin environment with a brisk wind... } Then, report back to the Oracle for further instructions. --- 524-07 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: jgm@cs.brown.edu (Jonathan Monsarrat) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Dear Wizard Oracle, whose knowledge of MUDs is unsurpassed. > > I'm stuck in the lower passage of the Dwarven ruins but have not yet > found the Dwarf King's rune-axe. I have found the glowing gem and the > Prat-on-a-stick. Do I talk to Frogbreath before or after I cast a > Summon Big Green Blobby Thing in the Inner Chamber? Also what is the > solution to Second Deputy Under-Chancellor's third riddle? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Wizard!? Wizard, The Oracle is not impressed by such lowly rating of } his skills as he is indeed of a far more impressive and beyond Godlike } level on all MUDS which are worth the devotion of the tiny amount of } his massive intellect. } } However, The Oracle is feeling generous today and will let your } insignificant mortal life continue.. for the time being at any rate. } } The Dwarven ruins that you speak of are in fact nothing more than part } of a gigantic Alien theme park which you will discover at the end of } the next quest (am I spoiling things?).. The Dwarf king's rune axe is } in fact nothing more than a legend and so does not really exist so I } would suggest tying a bit of stone onto a stick and writing all over } it, the Guardians of the slavering pit are too stupid to notice anyway. } } You talk to Frogbreath only AFTER casting a Summon Big Green Blobby } Thing as a demonstration of your magical prowess but BEFORE casting } Frog To Water since this renders Frogbreath incapable of speech. } } The Solution to the Second Deputy Under-Chancellor's third riddle is } 'Sponge' } } ps: Stick the glowing gem up the nose of the Prat-on-a-stick, it doesnt } help but it doesnt half break the ice at parties. } } You owe the oracle a maze of twisty tiny passages all alike, bar one } which should be suitably equipt with sauna and full bar. --- 524-08 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: forbes@ihlpf.att.com The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle, clever immortal > Please share with me a thought. I'll > be happy to learn > (when it's my turn): > Is your IQ in the top quartile? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Supplicant, all blush and blunder -- } What level does my IQ fall under? } Though I don't like to boast, } It's higher than most -- } It puts Mensa in awed fits of wonder. --- 524-09 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Steve Miller The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > "Oh most wise and crusty Oracle, > Please tell me...." > > I was just beginning to get interested in classical music when I > had an unfortunate experience in a record store. > I was trying to get a Handel on a new CD when I slipped and > hurt my Bach. I dropped the CD and it Baroque on the floor. > I probably should have Teleman behind the counter but I put it > Bach on the shelf. I ran out of the store, fired up my Vivaldi, > and drove away. What should I have done? I fell guilty..... > > -- > "A Flute With No Holes...Is Not A Flute." > "A Doughnut With No Holes...Is A Danish" > > Basho And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hmmmm, here we have all the trite and true musical puns wrapped up } in a half-hearted story. } } As the puns fell so thick and close, I felt I was at the Boheme-ing } of Bagdad. Ai'da been happier if you had made up some new ones. } } Nothing original there; I'll give you 50% for wit. } } -- } "As someone once remarked to Schubert, } 'Take me to your lieder!'" } Lehrer --- 524-10 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Steve Miller The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O great one, are you free for lunch next week? Tuesday, maybe? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Yes, I am. For your answer, you now owe the oracle lunch.