From oracle-admin@cs.indiana.edu Sat Feb 22 17:23:03 2003 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by moose.cs.indiana.edu (8.11.6/8.11.6/IUCS_2.48) id h1MLpGm10931; Sat, 22 Feb 2003 16:51:16 -0500 (EST) Date: Sat, 22 Feb 2003 16:51:16 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <200302222151.h1MLpGm10931@moose.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1310 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1310 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1310 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Sat, 22 Feb 2003 16:51:03 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1310 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1305 56 votes 15vf4 09jhb 7mh91 dj5a9 29pe6 0bni4 29qd6 36iib 88gi6 59gh9 1305 3.2 mean 3.3 3.5 2.6 2.7 3.2 3.3 3.2 3.5 3.1 3.3 --- 1310-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Wanna, mess, with me you, goshdarn, punk? You gotta another, > goshdarn, thing coming if you, frickin, do. You, frickin, hear me, > doo-doo, head? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } C'mon, Mr. Rogers, go home. You're drunk. --- 1310-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > 475 > 2 4 1 2 1 3 4 2 5 1 And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hmm, maybe we -should- hook the Temple computer up to something } other than the 14,400 baud line. --- 1310-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave Hemming The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Fnord? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Never seen that before. --- 1310-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Tim Chew" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise, > > What do French mobsters fear more than anything else? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Testosterone. --- 1310-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Chic Oracle most intuitive and momentous, > > Why are there clowns in my salad? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Because circus shaped orange "fruit snacks" are not an acceptable } substitute for mandarin segments. Trust me. } } You owe the Oracle a promise to never go into catering. --- 1310-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: MVSOPEN@aol.com The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I found a nickle on the ground today, and I'd like to return it to its > rightful owner. Is there any way you can get me in contact with this > person? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Certainly. The nickel belongs to a Mr. A. M. Chundragupta of Naples, } Italy. He dropped it on an airplane while flying to Iowa on a business } trip; a small boy (Joey 'the little brat' Martin) picked it up to play } with it. Later said coin fell out of a hole in his pocket as he stood } on a streetcorner. Rains washed the nickel (eventually) into the } Missisippi, where it was eventually swallowed by a frog on accident. } The nickel killed the frog, and as scavenger birds ate the carcass one } of them got the coin stuck in his feathers. Then, as it was flying over } a small Midwest town the coin fell out and onto the ground. That is } where you found it. } } Unfortunately, Mr. Chundragupta does not have any postal access. } Furthermore, he will be in Stuttgart, Germany for the next few weeks. } In order to return his coin to him, you will need to purchase a round } trip ticket to Stuttgart. Then, on Tuesday next, you will find him in a } cafe called 'Die Obst' (don't ask why, you don't want to know) sitting } alone at a table in the corner drinking a dark lager. You may return } his coin to him then. } } Or, if you wish, you can give me the nickel and I'll return it to him } when I see him this weekend. A.M. and I are on close terms, you see. } } You owe the Oracle a round-trip ticket to Stuttgart, Germany. --- 1310-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Ah %&#@! > > Sorry about the language, but could you tell me, most knowing Oracle, > how to keep that from happening again? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } From the limited amount of information contained in your question, } it appears that you are attempting to program in Perl. While it's } commendable that you are sorry for this, the latest studies show that } unless you renounce computers altogether and become a monk in Bhutan, } nothing can help you quit this dreadful language. } } You owe the Oracle one-sixteenth of an ounce of good saffron. --- 1310-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise, > > Why are metals sonorous? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } If they were daughterorous, they'd be treated like common ores. --- 1310-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh stupendously wise Oracle: > > Please tell me how to summon my Muse? She is lovely and I need her. > > Besotted And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Have an idea, but just can't get it out? } } Looking at a clean sheet of paper, that you wish wasn't } that way? } } Try Meta-Muse-L and have ideas with regularity! } } Zadoc: I Love Meta-Muse-L! It helps me crank out all } sorts of stuff! } } HOW DOES META-MUSE-L WORK? } } Meta-Muse-L is a Idea-forming Muse attractant. The } active ingredient is a naturally grown grain fungus. } } Zadoc: A Fungi? That's just what I need to prod me } to action! } } IS IT OK TO USE META-MUSE-L EVERY DAY? } } Heck, yeah. You'll be thinking the place up in } no time. } } Zadoc: I used to sit for hours, and nothing. Now } I can't stop the torrent! Ideas? I got them! } } WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SMOOTH TEXTURE } AND ORIGINAL TEXTURE META-MUSE-L? } } One is smooth, the other isn't. } } Zadoc: Well, like D'oh! } } Buy Meta-Muse-L! You'll love your increased output! } } Available in Fine Stores Everywhere! --- 1310-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: nolan@celery.tssi.com The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle so wise and fine, I approach with a question, supine. > > So I keep reading about resolution 1441 and how that's the document > behind the inspections, so I thought I'd go read it. But when I looked > up RFC1441 it was all about something called SNMPv2 which apparenly is > something to do with network management. Nothing about inspections at > all! Help me understand this. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Alas the fate of the dyslexic seeker of wisdom. You have the number } of the resolution backwards.