From oracle-admin@soic.indiana.edu Sun Mar 23 15:27:47 2014 Received: from newman.soic.indiana.edu (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by newman.soic.indiana.edu (8.13.8/8.13.8/IUCS_2.100) with ESMTP id s2NJRkUt015679; Sun, 23 Mar 2014 15:27:46 -0400 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by newman.soic.indiana.edu (8.13.8/8.13.8/Submit) id s2NJRkjO015675; Sun, 23 Mar 2014 15:27:46 -0400 Date: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 15:27:46 -0400 From: oracle-request@cs.indiana.edu Message-Id: <201403231927.s2NJRkjO015675@newman.soic.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1531 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1531 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1531 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 15:27:35 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line, or go to http://www.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/ or http://www.internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1531 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1526 20 votes 12962 67610 44840 134b1 24851 16652 16751 21764 68420 11585 1526 3.0 mean 3.3 2.1 2.6 3.4 3.0 3.0 3.0 3.5 2.1 3.8 --- 1531-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I'm so proud of you, Oracle. You always pull through in the end. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } That's awfully nice of you, but I've been feeling kind of awful lately } and honestly I don't know why I do this any more, so it's not really } accurate. You wouldn't happen to have any of those horrible VCR-tape } thingies, would you? ...nah, thought not. } } Sorry to burst your little bubble of hope for the universe, man } (and/or woman and/or indeterminate thing/creature/robot/ace of } spades/animate pumpkin), but I'm afraid this is just the way it is. } The Universe hates me. I hate the Universe. Who had to go and create } the place anyway? Whoever they are, I'd like to find them and give } them a good kick in the rear for inventing me along with it, because } it's OBVIOUSLY ALL THEIR FAULT. I'd feel so much better if I wasn't } invented by a madman with a talent for disorganization. Thanks, "god." } } I need a drink. } } You owe the Oracle one of those neat DIY "Bring About The Apocalypse } In Your Basement" kits and a twelve-step plan for self-improvement, } followed by an appointment with your psychiatrist. Oh, and a glass of } lager. --- 1531-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Lawrence, Mark" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > from zeus@olimpus.gr: > On guard! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Zeus, dude. } } I know things are tough and you have a lot of extra time on your hands } with your fan base shrinking to almost nothing, but like I told you } last week, a play-by-email fencing simulation game is not going to be a } big win for you. --- 1531-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Danica Patrick has crashed more than Windows 3.1. Is she trying to > prove all the negative stereotypes about women drivers? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } No, that's not it at all. Try to understand, she's tring to emulate her } new sponsor, GoDaddy.com. They crash all the time, too. --- 1531-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > If Captain Kidd and Jack Sparrow came from the wingless social insects > of the magician Teller's partner, would they be a Gilbert and Sullivan > musical. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } I owe Lanthe! I owe Lanthe! Wait a minute, no I don't. } } Ahh, of course. "Alas, who loves a spaceman?" With "Little Asteroid"?? } No, that's not quite right. } } Rigatoni? No, that's pasta. } } These riddles aren't worth the trouble. You're probably thinking of one } of these alternate titles, such as The Slave of Duty. } } You owe the Oracle a list of the chemical elements, set to a possibly } recognizable tune. --- 1531-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Asshole. Maylasian flight. What did you do? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Asshole. Not Funny. People could be dead. One more of those and you're } banned. --- 1531-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > where does my soul go after I get my picture taken? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It is still within you. What happens is that it gets pregnant of a 2D } soul that is born as the flash vanishes. You didn't know because they } are incredibly difficult to see them in profile. } You owe the Oracle a Klein bottle. --- 1531-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh wonderous Oracle of higher mathmatics... > > 2b || !2b? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer } The computer programming metaphors, } Or plain old math.... --- 1531-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Rich McGee The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Are there mites on the sun? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } There mite be. --- 1531-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > from zeus@olimpus.gr: > On guard! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hey Zeus.. (Or is that "Jesus"?) } } You really should think about upgrading your phone. } That one was a great model and all.. the first to have 4G on Verizon. } But I understand the battery only lasts about 10 minutes, so all you } can do is physically assault people with it. } } Maybe if you actually called little Hercules every once in awhile, you } wouldn't have so much anger built up inside. --- 1531-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > A dream within a dream And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } If I ever catch you sleeping on the job again, you're gonna regret it!