From owner-oracle-archive@kinzler.com Thu Jul 23 08:54:19 2015 Return-Path: Delivered-To: oracle-distrib-2z8MfSl@internetoracle.org Received: by kinzler.com (Postfix, from userid 65534) id 1AB451004ED; Thu, 23 Jul 2015 08:54:19 -0400 (EDT) To: oracle-list@internetoracle.org Subject: Internet Oracularities #1553 Reply-To: vote@internetoracle.org X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.kinzler.com/ftp/faces Message-Id: <20150723125419.1AB451004ED@kinzler.com> Date: Thu, 23 Jul 2015 08:54:19 -0400 (EDT) From: oracle-request@internetoracle.org (Internet Oracle) === 1553 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1553 Compiled-By: steve@kinzler.com (Steve Kinzler) Date: Thu, 23 Jul 2015 08:54:07 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to help@internetoracle.org, or go to http://internetoracle.org/ ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to vote@internetoracle.org (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1553 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1548 18 votes 12474 07533 13c20 05a12 57411 03825 04545 56700 24732 13752 1548 3.0 mean 3.6 3.1 2.8 3.0 2.2 3.5 3.6 2.1 2.9 3.2 --- 1553-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh great Oracle, who uses the Death Star as his ball! > > What would happen if we switched Han and Hope? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } We'd probably get A New Han, and also Hope Solo. --- 1553-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Klone (aka Daniel V. Klein) " The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > How crazy am I? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Let me link up to your mind to get a good look... Okay... Hmm, I'm } seeing... Oh. Oh my gosh. No. NOOO! Oh the humanity! What's is this...? } AHHH! NOOOO! MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! I } CAN'T UNSEE IT! Oh... Oh no, no, never again. Please, never again. } *whimper* } } You're fine. --- 1553-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Don't start that karma stuff again. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Why should I? It would just come back around again. --- 1553-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > [][][][][][][][] > ][][][][][][][][ > [][][][][][][][] > ][][][][][][][][ > [][][][][][][][] And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Add a few *, $, #, and ! and it will probably be legal perl. --- 1553-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > The moon is waxing gibbons. > > Please explain. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It's more than half full, and going ape getting more full. --- 1553-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > The doctor gave me a prescription for diphenhydramine. At least that's > what he said he was doing. > > I was looking at it, and it seems to say, "diphenhydrazine". That's > goddam Rocket Fuel!!! I'll hit the moon! > > What kind of supplications do you want from the moon? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Loony ones, of course! Those are my favorite! } } (But not the hellishly loony ones from "you know who", of course.) --- 1553-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Christophe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > My name is John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, and so's yours. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Now there a name I've not heard in a long time. --- 1553-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What's the best way to assure the masses? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } By having any of the following: } } 1. Mass appeal } } 2. A mass spectrometer } } 3. A blessing by the Pope? } } No mas! I'm out of ideas unless you want to talk theoretical } physics. } } You owe the Oracle the DVD for Season 8 of the Big Bang Theory. --- 1553-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Please translate that earlier answer into Nonswearing. I don't speak > Swearing. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } %@#$!&& --> Gosh. } $$%^#@ --> Darn. } &#%$@$$ --> Golly-gee-whillikers. } } Everything else follows in exactly the same manner. } } You continue to owe the Oracle some %#@*ing respect. --- 1553-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: MVS Gmail The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Was kind: Rewound. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Too late. Blockbuster closed its last store a year and a half ago. } } You owe the Oracle a TRS-80. Hurry, before Radio Shack ... what? } Never mind.