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The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What are those little "crumblies" on the bottom of an English Muffin, > and why the hell are they there in the first place?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, I'm glad someone finally asked.  Now I get to expose one of the } most diabolical conspiracies of all time!  These little "crumblies", as } you so cutely call them, are actually the cocoons of tiny, genetically } engineered parasites that, once you eat enough of them, invade your } brain cells, especially the centers for speech and propriety, and make } you start spelling words with extra letters and driving on the wrong } side of the road.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why is a cow?

And in response, thus spake the oracle:

} Mu.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What happens to the rest of an uncompleted sen

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} g that happens to a sentence that starts in the middle.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> RN GIVES NO INFORMATION OF HOW TO ADDRESS OR POST MESSAGES.  CAN YOU > HELP ME?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Gladly.  Whenever you feel the urge to post or respond, just type 'q'. } It'll save you from all the flames ABOUT WRITING IN ALL CAPS!

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Will your answer to this question be in the negative?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Memory fault.  Core dumped.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How did Man come into existence?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, you see, God forgot to use a condom ... } } You owe the Oracle three hickeys.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What if cows had opposable thumbs?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Undoubtedly, they'd strangle Farmer JoeBob and the rest of humankind for } centuries of slavery, slaughter and clumsy manhandling of their private } parts -- not to mention the humiliation of cow-tipping.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What does Dan Quayle eat for breakfast?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} For breakfast, Dan Quayle prefers Vice Crispies.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh, Great Oracle!  What dost thou do with thy newt's eyes?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hey, everybody!  Follow the bouncing ball ... } } Oh!  A newt's eye is a wonderful thing, } It makes you laugh, it makes you sing, } If you don't like the news I bring, } You'd better go consult the I Ching.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why did the paper in my printer just get stuck?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Because you dropped cookie crumbs into the print head.  Listen! } Printers do not eat cookies!  Hard disks eat cookies.  Printers eat ice } cream -- spoon it right in and soon your paper will be humming along } like a car with sugar in the gas tank.  (The CPU chips of IBM PCs like } to have pineapple-and-ham pizza smeared all over them, but we all know } that IBM is weird anyway.)