} Only the best damn party this Oracle has EVER been to, and that takes
} into account the last three millennium ! I mean things got frisky,
} mighty fast. Um, how to begin this tawdry tale. Well, your house
} sitter is a personal friend of Lisa's, and Crystal Therapy's too. At
} first we were just going over to play twister when Crystal breaks out
} her stash of York Peppermint Patties. Do you remember the commercial
} about the guy who takes a bite out of one of those puppies and, next
} thing you know, he's skiing in his living room? No joke, they really
} pack a punch. I can't remember stuff this good since the days of BWP,
} (Berkeley Window Pane for the youngsters). I usually save half of one
} for the next Dead concert.
} Anyway, Lisa said we really ought to get more folks to this little
} party, and if we did, she would play "The Lost Shepherd Girl and the
} Naughty Monk" with anyone who could get a hard copy of the current rules
} and regulations. Well, the place went wild. A couple of kids from Cal
} Tech made a make shift Time Space Continuum Connector out of your water
} bed. Seems the mattress is really good for cushioning a landing from
} more than 20 light years or 300 regular years away. The kids were kind
} of loopy though, they were washing down the York Patties with Aqua Velva
} and generally not paying attention to the transfer of a group of Elder
} Gods. That's when the bed broke.
} Of course, your dog, being the faithful animal he is, er was, tried to
} stop it all. I'm not sure who from the party actually "did him" but I'm
} told by several on lookers that it was a most unpleasant site. I helped
} bronze fido. You'll notice your collection of bowling trophies are
} missing, sorry, it was the only alloy we could get on short notice. We
} made him into a statue for two reasons. One, he can't tell anybody,
} (However, most of the evenings more lascivious practices are recorded on
} your VCR. I strongly recommend you not let the children anywhere near
} it). Two, Frisky really doesn't look too bad that way. I got most of
} the internal organs back where they should be, sort of. And really, the
} only thing that would tip you off that something isn't quite right with
} him, other than the complete lack of movement, is that utterly surprised
} expression on his puss. I don't blame him though.
} Well, that's it. There's a message from your insurance agent.
} Apparently after we got the tear in the fabric of time fixed, things are
} still at a slight tilt in other dimensions. Those Cal Tech boys are
} really goofy. You are basically no longer in "Good Hands". Your agent
} was a bit more brusque, something about the "Good Hands being used to
} grab your balls and squeeze till your eyes pop" or some such. Ignore
} him, he's still pissed about the swirly he got from a group of really
} wasted cherubs.
} You owe the Oracle another party, only this time without the Swat Team.