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} That's a very interesting question which could, of course, simply be
} answered with a long and detailed linguistic history of the region,
} from the middle 1600's to the present, detailing exactly why and how
} such particularly nasal articulatory habits came about. That would be
} boring though, so I think instead that I'll resort to asking some
} typical New Yorkers what _they_ think about the matter. I wouldn't
} ordinarily do this, but Lisa's giving her advanced Kama Sutra class
} tonite and things are slow.
}
} I'll just teleport down to a typical section of New York, using one of
} my mortal guises.
}
} <ZZAAAAAAAAAP>
}
} Ah, here we are. There's a cabbie over there who looks pretty typical,
} Let's start with him.
}
} "Greetings, mere mortal! I'm the Usenet Oracle and I'd like to
} ask how you aquired that most appalling accent!"
}
} "'Ey! Whadda I look like heah, some kinda professah? You don like
} the way I talk, go back ta where ya came from, ya pervert! You
} wanna go somewheh, fine, otherwise geddouda heah!"
}
} "Excuse me, but I was simply enquiring about your accent; there's no
} need to get excited."
}
} "I'll show ya excited, ya fancy talkin' freak! You may be from
} outtatown but in newyawk we don't take no guff offa nobody!"
} (pulls tire iron from under seat)
}
} "You seem to be suffering from some sort of mental instability,
} perhaps I can help you."
}
} "@!%&$%$@*&%!!!" (swings iron)
}
} "Oh, the hell with it.."
}
} <ZOT!>
}
} Hmmm. He certainly didn't seem too friendly, though I certainly
} helped his attitude get a lot better. Perhaps I need to tailor my
} approach to compensate for what is obviously a lower level of
} intelligence. There's a young gentleman over there who looks more
} cooperative, let's try him.
}
} "Pardon me, I'd like to ask you some questions about your accent. You
} know, the way you talk."
}
} "Hey mah man, ahm rappin' to the beat, and ah can tell that
} you donts know nuthin 'bout the street, an' ah could tell you
} latah, but ahs gonna tell you now, ah don know zactly
} what, this white fool be puttin down, so ah kin tells fo'
} sho, what ah is gonna do, ain't gonna take no mo, no suh ah
} is gonna shoot!"
}
} (pulls saturday night special from pants and points it at
} the Oracle)
}
} "Hmmmm. Young man, are you aware that your revolver is not only of
} inferior workmanship but is also lacking any sort of significant
} stopping power or accuracy?"
}
} "Say what?!"
}
} "Oh, forget it."
}
} <ZOT!>
}
} This is getting rather disheartening, but I'll give it one more try.
} That old woman pushing that shopping cart over there looks harmless
} enough, let's ask her..
}
} "Pardon me, old woman, but I'd like to know why you talk like you
} do."
}
} "Muffafhalldha?"
}
} "Um. Your speech, you know. Talk. The way it sounds. Why?"
}
} "Euoohoooodoo.. Gggghh. Devil walking in the parks, you know! Steam
} grates ain't safe for coffee. Running aliens don't like soup in the
} same pot as the shoes but Elvis he still alive I know it I seen him
} but nobody knows what is down the alley, dollar for the wine, maam,
} Rahh! Got any spare change?"
}
} "Er, sorry. Never mind. I'll, uh, ask somebody else."
}
} "Aaaaeeeeeeiiiii! Judas come down, he here! Lizbeth see you!
} Aeeeeeeiiiiiiiii! Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Don't hurt poor lizbeth
} I donknownothing didn'tseenothin ahhh! ahhhh!"
}
} "Please, Calm down!"
}
} "Aeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiii! Devils! Wrigley's Spearmint! Oral Roberts!
} Help! Help! Aeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiii!"
}
} "Uh.."
}
} "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"
}
} "Ah shit.."
}
} <ZOT!!>
}
} Oh well. Fortunately this is New York, so no one even noticed
} that I just zot'd 3 people. I guess your answer is going to
} have to be "Because they have such obnoxious attitudes."
}
} You owe the Oracle 20 minutes of a Cyndi Lauper interview on tape.
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
