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Best of Internet Oracularities #701-725

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701-725, 705-09, 705-06, 713-10, 724-06, 704-01, 710-09, 713-08, 720-04, 722-04, 722-05


Best of Usenet Oracularities #701-725    (3.9 mean)
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler <kinzler@cs.indiana.edu>
Date: Sat, 6 May 1995 09:47:20 -0500

Oracularities are the distilled wisdom and sagacity of the Usenet
Oracle, as incarnated in its many anonymous e-mail participants.  This
collection has been compiled from the regular Oracularities postings #701
through #725 and contains the Oracularities rated by its readers as
among the funniest.

To find out more about the Usenet Oracle, send mail to
oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line to
receive the Oracle helpfile.

The regular Oracularities postings can be found in the Usenet newsgroup
rec.humor.oracle.  Open discussion about the Usenet Oracle occurs in the
newsgroup rec.humor.oracle.d.  If your site doesn't carry these
newsgroups, contact your news administrator about starting them, or see
the Oracle helpfile about subscribing to the Oracularities e-mail
distribution list.


705-09    (167mE dist, 4.2 mean)
Selected-By: gt2126b@prism.gatech.edu (William T. Petrosky)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh most wise and powerful Oracle, who often has lunch with Yahweh in
> order to laugh at him when the old dribble glass trick works:
>
> If a tree in a forest falls on Newt Gingrich and no one is around to
> hear him scream, what will middle-class tax rates do in relation to
> Federal Reserve interest rates within the next two years?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}   Hmmm....  a most worthy question.
}
} I think I need to simulate this one on my computer...
}
} >LOOK
}
} You are in a large, dense forest.
}
} >LISTEN
}
} You can hear faint cries for help in the distance.
}
} >GO TO SOUND
}
} You are by a large fallen tree.  Pinned under the tree is Newt
} Gingrich.
}
} >SAY HELLO
}
} "I'm under a tree, you idiot!  Help me!", replies Newt.
}
} >SAY HOW?
}
} "You must deliver my tax plan to Washington so it can be passed!", says
} Newt.  He offers you a briefcase.
}
} >TAKE BRIEFCASE
}
} You now have a thin brown briefcase.
}
} >INVENTORY
}
} You are carrying:
} A briefcase
} A Swiss Army knife
} Beef Jerky
} A Honda Accord
} A biology textbook
}
} >USE HONDA
}
} You are inside the Honda.
}
} >DRIVE TO WASHINGTON
}
} You have reached Washington.  A logging company lies to the west
}
} >DRIVE TO WASHINGTON DC
}
} You have reached Washington DC.  The capitol lies to the north.
} The White House lies to the east.
}
} >DRIVE TO WHITE HOUSE
}
} You have reached the White House.
}
} >ENTER
}
} A Honda Accord can't fit in the White House!
}
} >PUT ACCORD AWAY
}
} The Honda Accord is stored on your person.
}
} >ENTER WHITE HOUSE
}
} You are inside the White House.  There is a staircase leading upstairs.
} The Oval Office is to the West.
}
} >ENTER OVAL OFFICE
}
} You are inside the oval office.  A large man with grey hair is behind
} the desk.  The President says "Can I help you?"
}
} >OPEN BRIEFCASE
}
} The briefcase is locked!
}
} >USE SWISS ARMY KNIFE
}
} Use on what?
}
} >BRIEFCASE
}
} The briefcase is now open.  It contains:
} A budget bill
} A stopwatch
} A pornographic magazine
} A computer mouse.
}
} >SAY I HAVE NEWT'S BILL
}
} "If you don't leave immediately, I'm calling security", the President
} says.
}
} >DROP BEEF JERKY
}
} The President unwraps the Beef Jerky.  The President eats the Beef
} Jerky.  The President smiles.  The President says, "Just like mom's.
} Got any more?"
}
} >DROP MAGAZINE
}
} The President sees the magazine.  The President reads the magazine.
} The President nods approvingly.
}
} >HIT PRESIDENT WITH BOOK
}
} Where will you hit the President?
}
} >THE HEAD
}
} The President is now unconscious.
}
} >PLACE BRIEFCASE ON DESK
}
} The briefcase is on the Oval Office desk.
}
} >SIGN BILL
}
} You sign your name on the President's face.
}
} Security has just entered the room!
}
} You have been arrested.
} Your score is 536 out of 12645
}
} Oh well, guess that didn't work.  I suppose the answer is nothing.
} Gridlock continues as normal.
}
} You owe the Oracle an audit.


705-06    (16got dist, 4.0 mean)
Selected-By: Ian Davis

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>   Omost wise Oracle , please        O most wise Oracle, please
>   pleaseplease  help me with my     please please help me with my
>   problem.                          problem.
>
>   For some time now I have been     For some time now I have been
>  obsessed  with stereograms.        obsessed with stereograms.
>   I've gotten so good at            I've gotten so good at
>   crossing myeyes  that I           crossing my eyes that I
>   sometimes just stare up at        sometimes just stare up at
>   the ceiling and fuse tiles        the ceiling and fuse tiles
>   together to see if they have      together to see if they have
>   anyhidden images .                any hidden images.
>
>   Unfortunately, now I seem to      Unfortunately, now I seem to
>   be having trouble trouble         be having trouble trouble
>   focusing onreal                   focusing on real
>   three-dimensional objects.        three-dimensional objects.
>   The real world seemsflat  and     The real world seems flat and
>  dull , and I've been reading       dull, and I've been reading
>  alt.3d  in a vain search for       alt.3d in a vain search for
>  3-D .sig files .                   3-D .sig files.
>
>   Please,I beg of you , help me!    Please, I beg of you, help me!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well done, Supplicant! Well done, supplicant! Well done, Supplier!
} By watching everything By seeing everything   By examining everything
} twice, you have found  2x, you have found     two times, you've found
} a higher level of con- a higher plain of con- a higher lever of con-
} sciousness. Now it is  sciousness. Now, it is sciousness. Presently,it's
} time to progress even  time to go forth even  time to move on even
} further. You have gone further. You've gone   farther. You have gone
} beyond normal human    beyond regular human   past normal human
} experience, and you    experience; and you    experience, & you
} are now ready for the  are now set for the    are now prepared for the
} REAL THREE-dimensional REAL 3-dimensional     ACTUAL THREE-dimensional
} experience. Yes! Only  experience. OK! Only   experience. Indeed! Only
} The Usenet Oracle (tm) some guy in a compulab some nerd w/ a phone bill
} can offer you this     can grant you this     can give you this
} unique experience -oh, once experience -oh,   one-time experience -oh,
} and your local newspa- and your local maga-   and your local newspa-
} per.                   zine.                   per.
}
} You owe the Oracle a   You owe Mr. Oracle a   The Oracle wants a
} nice cut-n-paste tool, nice cut-n-paste tool, nice cut-n-paste tool,
} and those nerdy card-  and those nerdy card-  and those nerdy card-
} board green/red specs. board green/red specs. board green/red specs.


713-10    (42ntz dist, 4.0 mean)
Selected-By: Dave Disser <disser@engin.umich.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>   Oh Mighty Oracle, master of the Trask parameters and ruler of the
> Niggli worms, please answer my humble query.
>
>   What kind of job can I get with a geophysics degree?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} And it came to pass, that a group of wise men gathered in the
} wilderness to consult the prophet. And it was decided that a great
} feast should be prepared to celebrate the occasion.
}
} Unto the Accountant they prophet sayeth
} 'Take this bag of silver, and go unto the village to purchase grapes'
}
} Unto the Biochemist the prophet sayeth
} 'Take the grapes, and make us wine for the feast'
}
} Unto the Oceanographer the prophet sayeth
} 'Go forth unto the ocean, and gather us some fishes for the feast'
}
} Unto the Botanist, the prophet sayeth
} 'Go forth unto the fields, and gather us grains for the feast'
}
} Unto the Nutritionist, the prophet sayeth
} 'Take the grains, and make us bread for the feast.
}
} Unto the Geophysicist the prophet sayeth
} 'For you who is wise in the ways of the earth I have the most
} Important job of all'
}
} And it came to pass, that a great feast was held in the
} Wilderness, a multitude of fishes, and a mountain of bread was
} eaten, and an ocean of wine drunk.
}
} And after the feast, everyone commented on the excellent latrine
} pits.
}
} << The Prophet, incarnated as The Famous Druid
}    druid@stonehenge.win-uk.net >>


724-06    (45mlJ dist, 4.0 mean)
Selected-By: Dave Disser <disser@engin.umich.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great and all knowing oracle, I was told this limerick was truth,
> but how can it be...
>
> There once was a woman named Bright,
> Whose speed was much faster than light.
>   She left one day,
>   In a relative way,
> And returned on the previous night.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} If you go from point A to point B,
} With d/t more than c,
}   That trip is the same
}   (In another man's frame)
} As a leap back in time.  QED.
}
} You owe the Oracle a starship, and a tall to steer her by.
} d


704-01    (3adqx dist, 3.9 mean)
Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" <AMW108@PSUVM.PSU.EDU>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle, wisest and most lecherous type,
>
> Why do Big cars make less noise?? My neighbour owns a tiny Honda that
> would wake the dead.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}  Cars are a lot like dogs. They follow the Dog Rule of Relative Size,
} to whit: Little dogs think they're big dogs (if you walk within sight
} of their yard, they will react like a highly trained German Shepard
} attack dog), and big dogs think they're little dogs (they want to sit
} on your lap).
}  So: little cars think they're big cars (the Honda with the sound
} problem in you mentioned in your letter thinks it's a big Camaro muscle
} car) and big cars think they're little cars (my 1974 Ford Galaxie 500
} thinks it's a tiny Yugo which, if there's the slightest change in the
} weather, thinks it needs at least 15 minutes of warming up before it
} will go more than 3 feet without the engine dying).
}  Other ways cars are like dogs:
}
} * They have bad breath.
} * If you park a new one in your living room, it may soil the carpet.
} * Some of the newer models have the charming dog-like habit of getting
}   and then alarmed at anyone who passes within 100 feet of their parking
}   space waking up everyone in the neighborhood at 2:00 am, until you
}   make it shut up.
} * People give them silly names.
} * Big ones require a lot of space.
} * Fancy, expensive purebreds are more tempermental.
} * If they make funny noises, it means there's trouble.
} * Other people's cars (but never your own) can be a nuisance.
} * They require a lot of attention and expensive maintenance. If you
}   don't give it to them, they will require even more expensive
}   maintenance.
} * You are held legally responsible for what they do.
} * They chase cars.
} * People talk to them even though they don't listen.
} * They have appeared in TV shows and movies in which they were more
}   intelligent and interesting than any of the humans involved.
} * You have to get a license to own one.
} * You can find out where they come from by looking at their tags.
} * Clothing looks silly on them (especially bras).
} * They come with their own internal heating systems that can keep you
}   warm in the winter.
} * There are a lot of blind people using them (your perspective only).
} * Sometimes fluid leakage is a problem.
} * Sentimentality can cause you to buy a lot of expensive toys for them.
} * They cost a lot to feed. (This varies according to breed and size.)
} * They have their own agendas that have nothing to do with yours.
}
} You owe the oracle one of those nodding-head dogs for its car's rear
} window.


710-09    (53fyr dist, 3.9 mean)
Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" <jrp@teleport.com>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>                                               Ferret and Coon
>                                               Attorneys at Law
>                                               Washington DC
> U.N. Oracle
> University of Chicago
> Chicago, Illinois.
>
> Dear Mr. Oracle,
>
> We are writing to inform you of an impending class-action lawsuit filed
> by the Society for Groundhog Preservation (SGP) on behalf of the
> species Arctomys monax.
>
> SGP claims that you have subjected Arctomys monax to wrongful Zotting
> and attempted genocide.  Individuals have reported that your practices
> are responsible for symptoms including, but not limited to:
>
>       Sterilization
>       Loss of appetite
>       Electrocution
>       Depression
>       Muscle spasms
>       Blindness
>       Epilepsy
>       Halitosis
>       Birth defects
>       Death
>
> Furthermore, the species Arctomys monax has actively done nothing to
> warrant such persecution.  In particular, members of Arctomys monax
> should not be held accountable for their inability to process lumber;
> nor can they be blamed for the linguistic confusion of the species Homo
> sapien.
>
> Pending action on the lawsuit, we have obtained a temporary restraining
> order forbidding any and all Zotting of members of Arctomys monax, SGP,
> or the attorneys representing said parties.
>
> We are requesting damages amounting to five hundred thousand (500,000)
> cords of chucked wood.
>
> Sincerely yours,
>                       Ferret and Coon
>                       Attorneys at Law
>                       Washington DC

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}                                  Dewey, Cheatum, & Howe
}                                  Legal Eagles
}                                  New York, NY
} Ferret and Coon
} Attorneys at Law
} Washington DC
}
} Dear Sirs:
}
} Surely you must have better things to do than to extort lumber
} from a poor, omniscient being who has devoted his entire life
} to answering the questions that torture mankind. If you insist
} on bringing this silly lawsuit to court, it will be instantly
} thrown out due to the following:
}
}    1. You are harassing the wrong Oracle.  Our client is
}       T.U. Oracle and lives in INDIANA, not ILLINOIS.  We
}       suggest that you send your threats to the right
}       person next time.
}
}    2. Our client has NEVER zotted any woodland creature and
}       even if he had, you have no proof.
}
}    3. Our client is not responsible for some of the more
}       zealous actions of a lunatic fringe with serious
}       unresolved childhood issues.
}
}    4. Woodchucks have always had halitosis.  They wouldn't
}       know a Tic-Tac if it bit them in the a**.
}
}    5. Our client is familiar with the seedy motel where the
}       judge goes to "deliberate".
}
}    6. Our client knows about that little slush fund of yours
}       that you've neglected to mention to the IRS.
}
}    7. Our client knows about the SGP's frequent woodchuck
}       parties and the various unmentionable acts that occur
}       during said events.
}
}    8. Our client is an immortal deity and therefore not
}       subject to the laws of man.
}
} In response to this ridiculous and groundless harrassment, we
} are counter-suing for the sum of $1 million, court costs, and
} the right to *ZOT* those who bring lawsuits against the Oracle.
} We can't wait to see you in court.  You haven't got a prayer.
}
}                                  Disrespectfully yours,
}
}                                  Annie Howe
}                                  Partner


713-08    (49ltu dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: Dave Disser <disser@engin.umich.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle most wise, whose knowlege-base is deeper than the ocean
> trenches, who has cataloged every lifeform know and unknown (including
> us petty humans) -- harken to my pitiful call for your guidance!
>
> While exploring some Native American sites in the heartlands of the US,
> I recently came upon a curious creature.  The antics of the animal
> were, I must admit, cute.  And my daughter, who had accompanied me on
> our expedition, convinced me to let her keep it as a pet.  Pray tell,
> what is it?  I include a sketch I made:
>
>       (\__/)
>       /O O `.
>      (O__,   \
>        / .  . )
>        |-| '-' \
>       .(   _(   )
>      '---.~_ _ _&

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} **  **  SCANNING SKETCH  **  **
}
} Running probability checks...
}
} Region---> Heartlands of the U.S.A.
}
} Probablility Chart........
} Buffalo............. 0.9%
} Kangaroo............ 1.3%
} Gopher.............. 9.3%
} Groundhog...........21.5%
} Woodchuck...........67.0%
}
} Running analysis of ASCII characters...
}
} Character set and usage.
}
} Probablilty Chart.........
} Gopher.............. 0.1%
} Bald Eagle.......... 9.6%
} Lemur...............27.2%
} Woodchuck...........63.1%
}
} Running analysis of cuteness...
}
} Parent/Child Cuteness agreement...
}
} Probability Chart.........
} Barney.............-97.4%
} Rabbit............. 22.3%
} Woodchuck..........174.9%
}
} Running Quarterback/Defense checkup...
}
} Probability Chart.........
} Stan Humphries...... 2.1%
} Steve Young.........97.9%
}
} Heh heh, whoops.... Super Bowl pick ;)
}
} Running General Statistical Analysis...
}
} Woodchuck..........100.0%
}
} Congratulations, you now are the proud owner of an official woodchuck.
}
} Let me assist you in the general, basic care of a woodchuck.
}
} *>ZOT<*
}
} You owe The San Diego Chargers a lot of help, courtesy of the Oracle.


720-04    (16qEk dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" <AMW108@PSUVM.PSU.EDU>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O eloquent Oracle, who can sing like Elvis, dance like Michael Jackson,
> and write like Chaucer (except much better than all of them), please
> tell me:
>
> How do you declare on your income tax forms all the offerings which
> your supplicants provide you as thanks for answering their questions?
> Your schedules of itemized deductions must be pages and pages long,
> too. Do you handle it all yourself, or do you saddle one of your poor
> High Priests with the mundane job?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ahhh, spring, when a young man's fancy turns to....taxes.
}
} No, I don't declare the gifts that I am given as income, it is more of
} a situation like a waitress gets - she's supposed to declare her tips
} as income, but nobody can actually prove how much she got.  If she gets
} audited, she can claim that she works in a restaraunt frequented by
} skinflints, which is why she only made, say, 8 bucks in tips that year.
}
} One thing that the Oracle has going for him is that the gifts owed are
} so rarely collected - I get a lot of "the check is in the e-mail" type
} of replies, rather than, say, the 12 cases of dragon repellant and the
} fair maiden that I am STILL owed from somewhere around Oracularity 560.
} Also, many of the gifts that I demand are not something that you could
} put an intrinsic value on, which also means it's not taxable.  Or at
} least not provable.
}
} The key, my friend, is to creatively name things.  Take, for instance,
} the 30 pounds of gold I got a few weeks back - I consider that to
} be, for tax purposes anyway, a heavy metal, for which I am providing
} storage and disposal. As there are many companies (waste managemant,
} for instance), who make a living taking heavy metals from people
} and disposing of them properly, I took this as a tax DEDUCTION,
} based on the quantity of this heavy metal.  Even though I did not
} actually CHARGE the supplicant for disposing of his gold, I donated
} the resources of the storage and disposal of said "hazardous waste",
} and wrote the donation off on my taxes.
}
} So, you see, with enough creativity you can write off just about
} anything.  You just need to know how to look at it.
}
} You owe the Oracle a cake with a file in it.


722-04    (2bjBs dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" <csf7m@faraday.clas.virginia.edu>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O most sublimely comprehending Oracle, whose perceptions pierce the
> veil of mere appearance, whose wisdom spans the expanse between the
> circumstantial and the eternal, whose knowledge encompasses all that
> was, is, will be, or could be, and what could not be, please grant me
> an answer to this:
>
> I have been perplexed by this conundrum for ages.  Although "up" is
> the opposite of "down", it is not true that "breaking up" is the
> opposite of "breaking down".  Even more disturbing, "in" is the
> opposite of "out", but "breaking in" is not the opposite of "breaking
> out".  Please explain to me the complexities of this situation.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} When God implemented human natural language processing, he had just
} been spending a lot of time playing text adventure games.  In
} particular, he was hooked on Colossal Cave.  He thought it was really
} a hoot that there were rooms where directions weren't reversible,
} so if you typed "south" you might wind up in a twisty maze of little
} passages, but if you then typed "north" you'd butt your head up
} against a Dead End, and so on.  He was just a young enough deity at
} those days to think it would be really entertaining if human languages
} worked that way most of the time, too.
}
} As poor Adam discovered, the first time he tripped and fell down in
} Eden.  This was before Eve had been created, so he spent a lot of
} time talking to himself, and the dialogue went something like this,
} God providing the responses in a really tacky echo-chamber-voice-
} from-nowhere:
}
} >Get up
} Magically, a horse appears underneath you.  As you say "get up!" it
} gallops off frantically, tearing through the Garden at breakneck
} speed. You can't remember: are you mortal?  Uh-oh!!
} >Get off!
} What do you want to get off?
} >Get off horse!
} You want to get a horse off?  And *you're* supposed to be free of sin?
} Gross!
} >Get down!
} You don't know how to get down, you're Jewish!
} >Get out!
} No, really, I mean it!
} >Get from
} Get from what?
} >Get from horse
} Horse, schmorse, I don't know from horses!
} >Go off
} The horse disappears as you metamorphose into a large string of
} firecrackers.  One after another, you begin to explode with sharp
} popping noises!
} >Go on
} You continue to explode with sharp popping noises.
} >Go out
} You don't have a date!
} >Burn out
} God, you're tired of being a string of firecrackers.  You just can't
} bear the thought of getting up one more day to spend eight hours
} popping.  You are terribly, hideously depressed, and quite suicidal.
} >Burn in
} Magically, you metamorphose into a newly-built Pentium computer
} undergoing a 24-hour burn-in test prior to shipment!  What's this?
} Oh, no, floating-point division error!  No one notices!  You are
} infected with a deadly sin!
}
} --And so it went.  Before long God got bored with the constant need
} to provide responses to Adam's input, so he decided to create Eve to
} do it for him.  The result was something like what happens if you
} hook together two computers running ELIZA to talk to each other,
} and so continues to this day.
}
} You owe the Oracle a copy of Deborah Tannen's latest book.


722-05    (4dgqC dist, 3.8 mean)
Selected-By: Michael Nolan <nolan@pumpkin.tssi.com>

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Our Oracle who art in Indiana, hallowed be thy domain name, please tell
> me:
>
> What are the 15 Workstations of the Cross?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No such thing.  But here are the Greater Trumps ...
}
} 0. The FOOL: a manager using a SPARCStation 413,1432 to run a
}    screensaver.
}
} 1. The MAGICIAN: a hacker with a Mac, a Pentium box, a Sparc, and a
}    Cray on the table in front of him --- all running the same program
}    with the same GUI.  An infinity sign is over his head.
}
} 2. The HIGH PRIESTESS: a woman holding the Documentation, closed and
}    concealed.  The crescent moon is showing on an Indigo behind her.
}
} 3. The EMPEROR: Steve Jobs sitting on a NeXT cube, holding an optical
}    disk vertically in his hand.
}
} 4. The EMPRESS: A secretary with a NeXT Machine.
}
} 5. The HEIROPHANT: Bill Gates with two flunkies kneeling before him,
}    their faces averted, offering him floppy disks.  He wears a laptop
}    computer on his head.
}
} 6. The LOVERS: a PowerMAC and an IBM Power PC exchanging software as
}    an angel bathed in glory regards them.
}
} 7. The CHARIOT: A man in a chariot, hurtling up an exponential curve,
}    drawn by the twin sphinxes of Technology (black) and Culture
}    (white).
}
} 8. STRENGTH: A woman holding the entire design and implementation of
}    Microsoft Excel in her mind as she corrects the final error.  An
}    infinity sign is over her head.
}
} 9. The HERMIT: An old hacker, white-bearded, burns the midnight oil;
}    its Star-of-David flame illuminates his keyboard.
}
} 10. The WHEEL OF FORTUNE: A rotating wheel.  Cray is on the side going
}     down, despite its good technology; Smalltalk is opposite it, and
}     C++ is sitting on top.  Four winged beings -- a mouse, a turtle, a
}     dog-cow, and a human -- look on.
}
} 11. JUSTICE.  A cold-faced woman holds a calculator in one hand and a
}     delete-key in the other.
}
} 12. The HANGED MAN: A programmer is tied by his ankle to a cable duct.
}     His phase is completely shifted: he awakens at sunset, he sleeps
}     at dawn.  His monitor is reverse-video.  He programs on,
}     flawlessly, oblivious to his circumstances.
}
} 13. DEATH: A skeleton weilding a scythe surveys a field, on which are
}     scattered PDP-11s, Apple ]['s, IBM 360/91's, Xerox Alto's, and
}     many other machines.
}
} 14. TEMPERANCE: An angel stands with one foot on her chair and one on
}     the floor, as she copies files from one disk to another.  A cursor
}     blinks from her chest.
}
} 15. The DEVIL: The goat-headed Lord of the Pit stands on a pile of
}     Windows manuals, holding an inverted torch in one hand.  Two
}     humans, male and female, are in chains at his feet.
}
} 16. The TOWER: An ivory tower is struck by a bolt of lightning.  Two
}     robed figures, denied tenure, are hurtled to the ground.
}
} 17. The STAR: A Mac is running its `warp' screen saver, in a transient
}     fragile moment of peace.
}
} 18. The MOON: A wolf and a jackal are typing at two PC's.  A crayfish
}     crawls out of a pool, offering suggestions that may ultimately
}     prove deadly.  The moon shines through a window.
}
} 19. The SUN: A naked child riding a winged rocking horse programs
}     clever applications on a high-quality workstation.
}
} 20. JUDGEMENT: An angel blows a trumpet; all over the net, web pages
}     arise, to be rated Cool or not.
}
} 21. The WORLD: A woman dances on the clouds, unclothed, unencumbered,
}     in a ring of clouds, a 3-d mouse in each hand.  The four winged
}     beings from the Wheel of Fortune surround her.


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