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The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> One of the many branches of computer science uses oracles to solve > many of its problems.  Perhaps the great usenet oracle can tell us, > is P=NP?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, this is one of those P and NP and completeness problems ... } to wit, you have asked if } }                       P = NP                                  (1) } } If you take into account the widespread use of equation numbers } such as the one appearing here, then I can say unequivocally } that the equation number is correct and proper.  Unfortunately, } though, this implies that the equation P = NP is equivalent } to equation number (1) in any other tome of knowledge you could find! } Therefore, the answer is beyond comprehension, and best left } to the contemplation of the oracle.  I have spoken.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Great and mighty oracle, whose excrement I am unfit to lick ... > > Tell me how to attain knowledge and wisdom as great as thine own!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I have pondered the question you haved asked, the way you asked it, } and what you are really asking.  Your question does have an answer, } but I don't think I should answer it.  The toils on the path of } becoming an oracle are long and tedious and someone who uses the } English language as you do does not have the determination, or the } character to devote himself to pure, unbiased truth. } } As an oracle, my food (input) is words, my excrement is truth. } You wording tells me you could never attain the level you seek. } Cleanse your heart and mind and you may get a sense of TRUTH. } } So says the oracle.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>   When I open up the refrigerator, where does all the dark go?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}     Silly mortal, have you never heard of a light bulb?  Obviouslly not. } A light bulb is a small device ussually in the back of the } refrigertator, that when not lit, is a very low-pressure vacumn.  When } you open your fridge, a small switch opens an itty-bitty hole at the } base of the bulb.  This vacumn then pulls all the dark in, exposing the } natural state of order, light. } }    This is alos why parents tell you to make sure that you close the } fridge "ALL the way", if you didn't some of the dark would escape and } the inside would always be lit. } }   Occasionaly, you may find your fridge does not keep food cold, nor } does it suck up all the dark, when this happens you need to recharge the } freon (freon is latin for vacumn). } }   If you have any more questions, simply call the GE help line (24 hours } a day, 365.25 days a year)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I've found a huge gapping hole in the MAKEKEY program.  it seems that > there really is a way to make an unMAKEKEY.  and I have in fact made > one.  Now, what should I do?  My girlfriend says that I should use it to > break into government computers, because it gets her hot.  My wife says > that I should forget how to do it, and must pretend it never happened. > My brother-in-law second time removed says that we should sell it to the > ruskies.  My dog just looks at me strange And worst of all the other 4th > graders in my class don't believe me. > > HELP!!!!!!  I don't know what to do.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}         Well, Mr.  Weshley Crusher, first you should go to Capt. } Puckard and tell him that you have done a very bad thing.  4th graders } are not allowed to be married in most cultures.  The CERT division of } the CIA has been alerted to your breaking of UNIX security, and their } death squad should be there in a few minutes. } }         As punishment for desturbing the oracle, you must post the } source code to comp.unix-wizards before the death team arrives.  This } would settle a great debate that has bothered the oracle for many years.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>       Why must a fool and his money be soon parted?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} O foolish, foolish mortal.  This is so simple I almost decided to give } this question to a disciple.  If a fool and his money wasn't parted, } just think of what the fool would spend his money on?  A decade's supply } of spam?  The complete Barry Manilow collection?  A house straddling } Love Canal?  No, these don't compare to what a fool's money would be } used for:  a better network that } wouldn't garble !%&%#&gdso    02      27ry206320e734rrfts Ad#!($& } 32    dasd %%% }       31038 *#############109328741]

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> why did the paper on my printer just get stuck?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}       Because you dropped cookie crumbs into the print head.  Listen! } Printers do not eat cookies!  Hard disks eat cookies.  Printers eat ice } cream--spoon it right in and soon your paper will be humming along like } a car with sugar in the gas tank.  (The CPU chips of IBM PCs like to } have pineapple-and-ham pizza smeared all over them, but we all know that } IBM is weird anyway.)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why is a computer?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}       MU. } }       If the Oracle were physically present, it would now strike you a } sharp blow with a stick and you would reach enlightenment.  Since it is } not, you must go find a long wooden stick and rap yourself many times on } the head until you become enlightened.  Fail in this, and you will } become known as an untrue student of Zen.  (Hang your head in shame.)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Great Oracle: > Can a man acheive true happiness by fasting, praying, > and assembly language programming?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yes, it is possible!  But that is perhaps the most arduous path } possible!  Praying will certainly help.  But fasting will be difficult, } at best.  You might consider a diet of just root beer, watered down, if } you wish. } } Yet, the aspect of that path that is most horrible--most difficult to } overcome will be assembly language programming.  Communicating with the } system on its own terms ...  you must not only conquer the system, } conquer YOURSELF.  For, after only two years of assembly language, } several of my high priests could no longer speak normally.  They just } wandered around saying `dbra d1, label' and `movqw a3@(#0xa, d1:w), d2.' } Avoid this fate ...  and you will find happiness. } } You owe the oracle a box of Wheat Thins.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> WHY????:

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, why not?  It's not like the general existence of the universe is } specifically intended to waste *your* time.  C'mon, Grumble Puppy, } lighten up!  Get a hobby!  Find a member of the appropriate gender and } party your butt off!  Don't assume that these silly rhetorical questions } *have* good answers; there's no real answer to "WHY?" save 1) "Why not?" } and 2) "Because." } } so there.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>            How many angels can dance on the head of a beer?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The answer to this question can be determined by a rather complex } equation.  The Oracle, however, cannot go into detail because of } its complex nature.  What can be said is that there are two } main factors involved in the equation: } } 1) The amount of beer drunk by the person viewing the angels dancing. } 2) The amount of Pat Boone albums playing in the background. } } The amount of beer drunk by the angels is also a variable in the } equation, but it drops out as the amount of beer drunk approaches } infinity.