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} From the shadows in the alley comes a voice:
} "So, evil one, you think we would not see through this disguise of the
} lowly supplicant? Your illiteracy scheme will not work this time,
} Bookworm!!! We are here to stop you!!!"
}
} From the shadows leap four figures in black ninja outfits:
}
} Stephen King - brandishing a bo staff,
}
} Robert Heinlein - clutching a katana,
}
} Isaac Asimov - swinging a pair of sai,
}
} Ernest Hemingway - knocking around a pair of nunchuks.
}
} Robert: "We are:
} THE MIDDLE AGED MUTANT NINJA AUTHORS!"
}
} (And Piers Anthony can bee seen sitting on a garbage can, wearing a
} silly little pointy hat, holding a little flag in one hand that says,
} "Go MAMNA!" and a "We're #1" big foam hand on the other, cheering
} inanely and taking notes for his next series of 28 books, about dead
} ninja authors and Oracular powers, due out next month.)
}
} Isaac: "Sorry about Piers showing up. We just can't lose him."
}
} The Bookworm: "Curses! You darned Authors always show up to foil my
} plans! Well, not this time, I think! MY WARRIORS! TO ME!"
}
} From the shadows on The Bookworm's side of the alley leap a dozen
} figures clad in grey ninja outfits. They pose menacingly, but none of
} them look at all familiar. The MAMNA pause for a moment, looking a
} little confused, scratching their heads.
}
} Stephen: "Ummm, pardon our ignorance, but *who* are they?"
}
} The Bookworm: "These? These are the authors of annoying romance
} novels, dreary gothic horror wannabes, interminable series based on
} Doom, D&D, Star Wars and Star Trek, and Alan Dean Foster. The very
} things that stifle the urge to continue reading by fans of great
} literature! MY WARRIORS! ATTACK!!"
}
} The bad authors leap into action, wailing about them with their
} weapons, screaming badly ad-libbed Japanenglish phrases like
} "Banzai!!", "Mitsubishi Zero!!!" and "Sushimi Hong Kong!!!" while
} flying through the air for many many yards at a time a-la really bad
} Kung-Fu movies. The MAMNA simply bat them down left and right like ...
} like ... like excellent authors coming up with a very good simile.
}
} Before very long, there is no one left but a very nervous looking
} Bookworm and the MAMNA, only slightly sweaty and looking very mean.
} (And Piers Anthony who, despite several severe blows to the head, from
} both the Bad Authors and the MAMNA, seems none the worse for wear, his
} head not being a vital organ.)
}
} The Bookworm: "But ... but ... *how* did you find out about my plan to
} flood the book market with badly-written pulp crap, causing people
} worldwide to stop reading, and giving me a planet of emtpy libraries to
} use as my local bases of operation in my ultimate scheme for world
} domination?"
}
} Isaac: "We had a tip. From someone even more knowledgable about a lot
} more stuff than me, even."
}
} The Bookworm: "Who? Who is this great intelligence who has thwarted my
} evil scheme?"
}
} The Oracle: (Appearing behind The Bookworm) "Me. The Internet
} Oracle."
}
} (When The Oracle places his hand on The Bookworm's shoulder, The
} Bookworm gives off a remarkably girly scream.)
}
} The Bookworm: "EEEEEEEEE! The Oracle! Oh no! I know about you! Oh,
} oh NO! If I'm in this with you, and I was silly enough to disguise
} myself as a supplicant, then that means .. that means ... I owe you
} something!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
}
} The Oracle: "Yep, you got it. So, why don't you just come quietly with
} me to pay off your debt. Piers has a new series of books he'd like to
} read to you. Personally. Out loud. 47 of them. They're about
} Cyber-ninja in a virtual reality world. At least the first three are.
} They get pretty silly after that."
}
} The Bookworm: "EEEEEEEE!!!! NO!! DEATH FIRST! PLEASE!!!"
}
} (The Bookworm breaks down crying as The Oracle gathers him up to take
} him back to a locked room deep in the Oracular Dungeons for a long,
} long companionship with Piers Anthony.)
}
} The Oracle: "Hey, thanks guys! Good job!"
}
} Stephen: "No problem Oracle. I just got done writing another 1200
} pages on my new novel today, so I needed a break anyway."
}
} Robert: "I always appreciate the chance to beat up some repressive
} fascist thugs! Plus, it beats being dead!"
}
} Isaac: "I'll second that, Robert. I have some new ideas about The
} Afterlife I'd like to write a few books about, as well as about thirty
} other topics I've had some time to think about..."
}
} Ernest: "I don't like these tights. They make me look queer."
}
} The Oracle: "This is the late 20th century, Ernie. Everyone knows by
} now that you were a closet homosexual, but it doesn't diminish the
} impact you had on the literary world. There's a nice leather bar just
} up the street, though."
}
} Ernest: "Oooo, sweet!"
}
} (The Oracle vanishes in a puff of smoke, taking a weeping Bookworm and
} a babbling Piers Anthony with him.)
}
} You owe The Oracle the complete works of Stephen King, Robert Heinlein,
} Isaac Asimov and Ernest Hemingway - autographed.
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
