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} Hmmm. HOI! ZADOC!
}
} [Zadoc the priest comes shuffling into the room backwards on his knees
} as is his wont. Approaching The Oracle's Throne, Zadoc bows so deeply
} that his head touches the ground and several large invertebrates
} scuttle out of his hair and outside to freedom.]
}
} Oh most wise and beneficiant master, before whom I am unworthy of
} assuming any posture that would be conclusive evidence that my backbone
} is in one piece. What golden task is it that thou wishes thy most
} unworthy supplicant to do, and does it invove standing up, as I'm not
} sure I can now?
}
} Zadoc, this supplicant wants to know if it's the future yet.
}
} Then why don't you tell him O master.
}
} That would be too easy Zadoc. Instead of just doing it, we have to have
} a big conversation about it that drags on for over one hundred lines.
}
} It was you! You wrote all those Batman scripts didn't you!
}
} I may have answered a few questions from the script-writers, yes, but
} that's not the topic at hand. Why is it hard to tell the future from
} the past?
}
} I don't know master. But O master, why are you asking me, you know the
} answer?
}
} True, but I only called you in because I knew that you would bang your
} head against the bit of floor with the dirty spot and clean it up, but
} since you're here, I might as well make use of you. You're the straight
} man, and I'm also a straight man.
}
} Shouldn't we have a funny man too O master?
}
} Nope. I'd like there to be at least *some* chance of this being
} digested.
}
} [Assembled minions all mumur "oooohhhhhh, handbag."]
}
} Zadoc, it's very hard to tell between the future and the past because
} the future looks just like the past execpt that it's not quite as good.
}
} Is not your age showing master?
}
} Would you like your bones to be showing to buzzards in the desert
} Zadoc? Or perhaps your fleshy bits to be showing to pirana in the
} Amazon river? I thought not. If it's difficult to tell whether it is
} the future, what should the supplicant do.
}
} Ask The Oracle of course.
}
} Apart from that. Because the future is an unobservable, the supplicant
} needs to postulate an observable effect of it being the future which
} can then be searched for.
}
} Genius. What effect should the supplicant search for?
}
} Zadoc, what is your favourite comic?
}
} Dan Dare, pilot of .... the ...... future?
}
} Yes, if it's the future, then it will be obvious because Dan Dare's
} around. All the supplicant has to do is find Dan, and hey presto, the
} question's answered. Yes, supplicant, search for Dan Dare, pilot of the
} future, master of the spaceways, master of disguise and faster than
} a speeding locomotive.
}
} But master, it's Superman who's faster than a speeding locomotive.
}
} I told you Dan was a master of disguise. Zadoc. Dan Dare, travelling
} through space at up to 1000 miles per hour.
}
} [Both The Oracle and Zadoc roll their eyes skyward at this]
}
} Zadoc, prepare to send the supplicant the full listing of the top 1000
} pornographic web sites.
}
} But why master?
}
} Remember, *I* know where Dan actually is. We've got to corrupt this
} supplicant if he's any chance of finding Dan. Don't forget to include
} some rubber fetish sites too.
}
} Ah, so it *is* the future then if Dan's actually around.
}
} Possibly Zadoc, possibly. Remember, I can see into the future.
}
} And what will happen master?
}
} All those people being cryogenically frozen are barking up the wrong
} tree. It's Monica's dress that super-technological future generations
} are going to be extracting DNA from for re-animation.
}
} But master, the supplicant grovelled with 'Double-plus good Oracle'.
} Surely he wanted a 1984 parody as an answer, not an answer that
} goes off on a tangent about Dan Dare.
}
} You're new at this, aren't you Zadoc?
}
} Yes supplicant, search for Dan Dare. Find him and you have your answer.
}
} You owe The Oracle a Big Zadoc is Watching You poster.
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