|
} <brrring>
}
} FDA Man: Good morning, Food and Drug Administration.
}
} Oracle: This is the Internet Oracle. I've got a question about Soylent
} Green.
}
} FDA Man: Oh. Um...what kind of question.
}
} Oracle: Can you give me your recipe?
}
} FDA Man: <coughs> Our recipe for Soylent Green? Well, it's kind of a
} secret. You know, like the Colonel's blend of 11 herbs and spices...
}
} Oracle: Oh, you mean tumeric, black pepper, salt, sage, oregano, basil,
} allspice, cumin, saffron, detritus, and NutraSweet? C'mon, get with the
} times. There's a little thing called the Freedom of Information act
} that says, in a matter of speaking, "Fork over the recipe, pal."
}
} FDA Man: Well..ahem. Let's see. I think it's made mostly from avocado,
} with a little...
}
} Oracle: OH, MY GOD! SOYLENT GREEN IS MADE OUT OF AVOCADO! IT'S
} AVOCADO!!!!
}
} FDA Man: No, wait. I'm sorry, not avocado!
}
} Oracle: Oh?
}
} FDA Man: No...heh,heh. What was I thinking? Probably "guacamole."
}
} Oracle: OH, MY GOD! GUACAMOLE IS MADE OUT OF AVOCADO!!! MOTHER OF
} MERCY! IT'S AVOCADO!!!!
}
} <long pause>
}
} FDA Man: Are you all right, sir?
}
} Oracle: I'm fine. So, you were talking about the recipe for Soylent
} Green?
}
} FDA Man: I'm a little hesitant to tell you. Call me crazy, but I have
} this feeling you're going to overreact.
}
} Oracle: Oh, hogwash!
}
} FDA Man: Well, what am I supposed to think? I tell you that avocado is
} in guacamole, and you go off...
}
} Oracle: OH, GOD! THE HORROR!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT! GUACAMOLE IS MADE OUT
} OF AVOCADO!!!
}
} FDA Man: All right. Obviously, you're milking me and the FDA for
} melodramatic purposes. I'm sure all this is entertaining your readers,
} Mr. Oracle, but I'll be hanging up now...
}
} Oracle: No, please! I'll be good from now on. Please, just tell me, so
} I can pass along the answer to my supplicant. What is your recipe for
} Soylent Green?
}
} FDA Man: *sigh* All right. No melodramatic overreaction?
}
} Oracle: Promise. I'll take deep breaths.
}
} FDA Man: Okay. Here goes. To make eight wafers, you will need: two
} tablespoons salt.
}
} Oracle: All right.
}
} FDA Man: 1-1/4 cups water.
}
} Oracle: Gotcha.
}
} FDA Man: Two chicken flavored boullion cubes.
}
} Oracle: And?
}
} FDA Man: And...now, remember your promise, here...and the meat of one
} WOODCHUCK.
}
} Oracle: I...what? What did you say?
}
} FDA Man: Now, calm down...
}
} Oracle: Are...are you trying to tell me...SOYLENT GREEN is made out
} of...WOODCHUCK?!?
}
} FDA Man: Yes.
}
} Oracle: Oh...oh, my...OH, MY GOD!! That's awesome. Wow! Who'd have
} thought it? Finally, a government program with some redeeming values.
} Eliminating woodchucks, and at the same time feeding the masses!
}
} FDA Man: Um...well, I'm glad you like it, sir.
}
} Oracle: Is this stuff for sale? Can you buy it by the crateload?
}
} FDA Man: No, sorry, you have to be on welfare. Although for all we know
} there might be trace amounts of it in "Spam."
}
} Oracle: All right. Well hey, thanks for your time.
}
} FDA Man: No problemo. <click>
}
} Oracle: There you have it, supplicant. You owe the Oracle half your
} daily supply of yummy, delicious Soylent Green. Mmm! Soylent Greeeeen!
} Why not go on welfare, and pick some up today?
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